I guess I really didn't know what "gossiping" is...I am still learning. Early on in AA I was accused of gossiping. The conversation I had with another was about me and another person. I had no idea it was "gossip" and since it was about "me" and my reaction (which was how hurt/confused I was), I thought it was okay to share with someone else. Welllll.......that someone else went back to that person I was talking about which caused a serious blowup. I was severely reprimanded for my "gossiping" by the person...and I do mean severely.
I started to quit AA. I wanted to drink. I did neither. My sobriety was more important to me. It was extremely difficult to go back to the meetings and especially the same meetings I loved where I would be facing not only the person I shared my "private" thoughts with, I had to face the person who chewed me out. I was a newcomer, after all, with only a very few months of sobriety. My thinking wasn't really clear (still isn't at times). These were "oldtimers". They should treat me better. (At least in my head). I am so glad that I didn't quit AA. I did make amends to the person and we get along great now.
This is one form of gossiping. The other is in my title and is when I have had the need to share the latest titillating tale which no doubt I heard shared not by the actual person being discussed. After the above happened to me in AA, a few short weeks later, a person approached me anxious to tell me who was dating who in AA. I had no problem whatsoever extricating myself from this conversation with a simple, "excuse me" and walking away. I have never looked back and never thought I was being rude or ugly to leave this person standing, mouth hanging open in mid-sentence as I did so.
Even on this board, when I have gotten my feelings hurt, I have PM'd other members "sharing" with them about what this or that person said to "cause me harm". That "sharing" translates into gossiping. I was more hurt when the recipient of my PM didn't indulge my wounded ego by adding their opinion. There was "no response". I felt ignored and embarrassed. In hindsite, I admire those people for not participating in what I now realize was gossip. Now, when I have issues with another, I have a couple of other options available to me....I can go to the person directly and/or I can go to my HP, who is God for me and have a discussion with Him.
Yup... people grow and change every day. If we were held to our old ways here... none of us would be around long. I was told to warn woman if predators sexual or other harmful people. I have been warned by mods here about trolls. I still think this is fair and a natural consequence for those people who are seriously harmful or dangerous.
Getting rid of gossip and sarcasm show a lot a growth here Grace... as a natural consequence for never giving up on you and seeking to live this program. Great job!
Well...coming from a family which contained and contains "sarcastic" folks, getting rid of the sarcasm is going to be so much harder for me. There's quite a few years of brain farts being shot at one another and I am sure we were all trying to dodge them, while releasing our own as a form of self-preservation. Hey, but there is hope I've heard. Progress, not perfection.
Gossip is what I call a "Buy - Sell" arrangement. If I'm engaged in talking about others in a negative way, I'm thinking that others are out there talking badly about me. Plus saying ugly things about other people makes you feel ugly about you (Me). Refraining from it is one of those Odat things like any other character defects. Thanks for the reminder.
...oops, did I just do it again? ohhh, me!)
