I realized this a.m. after I said my prayers to my HP that I created the drama which happened the last two days. At first I thought this conclusion came to me out of nowhere....I was wrong about that as I was not at the point where I was going to admit that.
The last couple of days, I have been driven by fear and self-consciousness which when I was drinking, plagued my life to the point where I couldn't function normally and caused me so much despair. My reactions to events which happened were typical of my drinking days. It is like I forgot everything I learned in AA. I forgot where I stored my "tools" to help me deal more effectively with situations which I didn't understand. I was "baffled" and I let that "baffledness" (I know that's not a word, however I am using it anyway....) get me down, keep me down, and kick me while I was down. It was me. No one else has the power to make me feel "bad" but me. I was doing the pushing down and I was doing the kicking all along.
I did my morning prayers convinced this day was going to be a repeat "performance" of yesterday. I thanked Him for keeping me sober yesterday and to please help keep me sober today alongwith forgiveness of my sins (which I started adding to my daily prayers), gratitude prayers for blessings (which I seemed to all but forget in my state of Me-isms) and asking Him to remove any ego-driven beliefs and attitudes I have which will prevent me from doing the service I need to do. I was so wrapped up in my own pity party for the last day and a half, I know I wasn't much good to myself. Most of all I know I was of no good to helping others in the frame of mind I was in. I ran out after a meeting yesterday, when I should have stayed after and maybe been able to help another person who is trying to stay sober...very selfish of me. After I prayed this a.m., a sense of peace went through me and I feel so much better and refreshed. I feel back on track and ready to do His will and be of service to others.
That expression "we get what we pay for" turned into "we get what we pray for" for me. I think soon I will be able to stop thinking of myself as "still a mess" and I will indeed be "better than yesterday". This program really does work. I cannot believe the thought of drinking even entered my mind. It really is "one day at a time".
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Thursday 29th of May 2014 08:08:31 AM
Oh, my prayers were answered just for today. I don't usually pray for material things, a different relationship (anymore)...I try and remember to pray for God's will and not mine. I am a pretty boring prayer--however, I feel it is sufficient most days. Maybe I am wrong about that. I'm still learning.
and.....I should be "minding my own business" Phil, but feel a burning desire to tell you to be careful.....I have a feeling if you wind up with someone like that, they may be a little "nutty".
We don't 'always' get what we pray for but like ZZ reminded us, we DO need to be careful of what we pray for ... 'cause we just might get it, LOL ... and 'it' isn't always what's best for us ...
Like Nut Dude above, he may get what he think he wants, but it could easily be his worst 'nightmare' ... LOL ...
Sometimes I think we pray for the moment and not for the 'long term' ... 'cause sometimes our 'thinking' is limited to what we think we want at the time and not what's best for everyone around us ... SO, I have tried to adjust my prayers for situations to benefit everyone as a whole, you know, trying to take what I want to happen, out of the picture, and dwell more on what the 'Big Guy' has in mind for us ... ... ... (takes a lot of pressure off me to try and control events 'n stuff ...) ...
Garth Brooks had a 'hit song' a long time ago called "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers" ... there's a deeper meaning to this if one is inclined to give it more thought!!! ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
