My first meeting with my sponsee is in about an hour. I read everything I could last night about sponsoring others and this morning I re-read Chapter 7 "Working With Others" and tried to remember everything which happened in the first meeting with my sponsor....everything I was told. Surprisingly, I am not as nervous as I thought I would be and that is probably because I have prayed to my HP asking Him to help me help this woman. I asked Him to take away anything ego-driven out of my mind, as I have been second-guessing myself so much--wonder if I say something that will turn her off...wonder if something I say or do causes her to not like me and want to work with me....wonder if I, I, I, me, me, me, etc.
I would like to hear about others' early experiences in sponsoring other alcoholics. In other words--when you first starting sponsoring someone. I would appreciate any tips, advice, etc. Especially the rewards in addition to it helping keep you sober. My sponsor texted me this am. and wished me good luck and I conveyed my concerns. I think I feel so responsible for this other person. My sponsor told me there was nothing I could say or do to keep someone else sober if they wanted to drink. I just need to remember that. In my research last night I read some real horror stories about sponsors--complaints sponsees had about their sponsors as well as sponsors who felt devastated when their sponsee "fired" them. (I really hate that word, as this is not a paid profession and find it to be a very discouraging word choice). I realize I really had no business reading such depressing stuff right before my appointment. I just want to do the best job I can to help her and not let my ego step all over my tongue or my feelings in my attempts to do so.
Thanks so much.
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Sunday 25th of May 2014 09:21:17 AM
Every time I offer to someone else, what was freely offered to me - no strings attached, no outcomes or results in mind other than to be hearing it myself - I get a life worth living :) When I offer it to someone else - I. Am. Listening. In this way - it is a selfish program, I give everything back in order to keep it myself.
Hey Grace, ... My sponsor told me to do what was done in the beginning for me, share how it was, what happen, and how it is now ... if your sponsee can relate to that AND they wish to get and stay sober, then it's their action that counts ... some times, the 'way' you and I got sober can't be accepted by the new-comer ... and sometimes, the new-comer is willing to go to any lengths to stay sober and will follow your path ... no matter, it's their journey, you're simply a 'guide' if they wish to work the program ...
Acceptance works wonders for us at this point in our program ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hope it went well. My early sponsor after listening to me express doubt that the program was or would work for me told me, "If you want to know if the program works...give it away to someone else and watch it work for them". Rocket Science!!!! Sponsoring for me is duplication...Keep it simple. I'm not recreating the program and I am not glorifying my own way of working it. I'm passing on what was freely passed on to me. I was taught to get them talking about how it was for them rather than selling a spiel about my way of doing it. That has worked for me back then and still now. "Don't ever get in the way of another member and their recovery" was also a caveat my sponsor told me...attach them to the program and get out of the way of HP. HP I'm not. What have I gotten? This program works when you work it....always.
Beautiful responses and I appreciate them all so much.
It went well. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. We went to a meeting together afterwards. Although not the topic, sponsorship was brought up by different members which was very timely.
Oh, how many people at a time should I sponsor. There are not many women at all in the meetings I go to who raise their hands when they ask "who has worked the steps and is willing to be a sponsor". I feel so badly for the newcomers who don't have very many people to choose from. I do want to be as effective as I can as a sponsor and don't want to spread myself out too thin.
I agree with Nut dude, ... one for now for a while ... then as you feel more comfortable and confident, then the sky's the limit, so to speak ... but I've known some people who can't say 'no' to sponsoring when asked, and then wind up with a dozen or more sponsees which can really put a crimp in one's own life and time ... so Phil's right ... 'Easy Does It' ...
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 26th of May 2014 11:41:57 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
a dozen????
I just cannot imagine me ever having that many and being as effective.
That's great if others can and good for them.
I know this is one of those "God's will be done, not mine."
I will only work with 2 MAYBE 3 people actively working the middle steps at a time... but I don't even know how many total I have right now that have worked the steps and I just touch base with and do stuff with... lots... maybe 9? I'd have to count. People come and go - some never make it to the middle steps... I've not had one to 'leave' the program or sponsorship relationship with me yet after working the steps (first round). But I'm sure it will come in time. I have only been at it 2 yrs ;)
Quite a lot come in and don't stick to the steps, or the program at all - that was a good experience for ME because it taught me I couldn't save the world and a bit of humility. Just a bit lol! More came every time I said "I don't know... lets find out together".
The reason I will only work with 2 at a time by the way, is because I found out I can't keep track of more than 2 people's details well at a time, and neither of us deserve less than the best possible chance at this thing. xoxooxxoxoo Happy for you Grace!
The reason I will only work with 2 at a time by the way, is because I found out I can't keep track of more than 2 people's details well at a time, and neither of us deserve less than the best possible chance at this thing. xoxooxxoxoo Happy for you Grace!
Yeah, I'm the same way. There's a limit to how well I can remember specific details that people tell me. And when someone trusts me with things like hearing their fifth step, I owe it to them to respect that trust. That means more than just not repeating the information I am told, it also means making sure I don't get their story mixed up with someone else's story as we continue to work together. And for me, that means I can't have more than one or two sponsees at a time. I know of people who sponsor a lot of people, and maybe they can do that with no problem, but I can't.
That's amazing, Tasha and good for you.
I am going to pray to God to help me remember the things I need to remember and take away the things I don't need to remember in order to be of best service to any sponsees I have. I heard someone else say that they did that because of all the confidential stuff which is shared. I know not to post anything that my sponsee shares with me on this board or share with anyone else. I feel that to be trusted with any personal information at all and to be trusted by another human being is a gift and I cannot do or say anything which may cause that person to lose trust in me. I know I would be devastated if I found out my info was spread all around. The things on here I have shared are nothing compared to the info I shared with my sponsor, who I have so much trust in.
I think, like Dave said, I will prob. have trouble with keeping things straight if I have too many at a time. I have trouble keeping my own stuff straight sometimes.
