And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
For me, serenity began when I learned to distinguish between those things that I could change and those I could not. When I admitted that there were people, places, things, and situations over which I was totally powerless, those things began to lose their power over me. I learned that everyone has the right to make their own mistakes, and learn from them, without my interference, judgement, or assistance!
The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact.
Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavoir." Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear "change" or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey.
I spent years trying to change things in my life over which I was powerless, but did not know it. I threatened, scolded, manipulated, coerced, pleaded, begged, pouted, bribed and generally tried everything I could to make the situation better -- only watch as things always got progressively worse.
I spent so much time trying to change the things I could not change, it never once occurred to me to simply accept them as they were.
Now when things in my life are not going the way I planned them, or downright bad things happen, I can remind myself that whatever is going on is not happening by accident. There's a reason for it and it is not always meant for me to know what that reason is.
That change in attitude has been the key to happiness for me. I know I am not the only who has found that serenity.
When I was newcomer, people from A.A. told me just to watch at my first year. I was wondering why I have to "watch" ... it didn't make sense to me. And it was hard for me, because every time in every situation I wanted to "correct" some details - people, things, behavior and so on. This was connected with my reactions. And I couldn't be calm and just watch. It happened to me one time to not react, even if in my head I was "right". And I understood why I have to watch.
Today, when something happens and even if nothing happens I'm trying to not react (because if I react, it is from my alcoholism), but just watch - myself, others, situations, places, things. And I see and I feel that I'm not the person, who will judge and try to "correct" anything, because it's not my job. Bad things will happen, I can't save the world - I just have to be careful what is behind this pink idea of "saving the world" - to see my fears, my judgement and so on.
So, my acceptance is when with others I'm standing on same "level" not more or less from others. My acceptance in actions is every time, when I'm turning to God with prayer or meditation. My acceptance is, when I'm confused to watch myself (inventories) and to watch others (it's funny how normal people don't react like I do). My acceptance is to know and to feel that there is no wrong or right.
There is one story of the man who didn't know what is good and what is bad. Others came to him once, when something "bad" happened and told him that what happened to him is bad and he said: "I don't know if it is bad." After that something good happened to him and the others told him that this is good. And he said: "I don't know if this is good". And this over and over again ... he just didn't know and he didn't make categories of the things that happened and that's why he is free man. Because he didn't know. Because this is God's job. And nothing happens by mistake.
I remember my first year...I bounced like a rubber ball
So used to having Drama in my life..that sometimes I had to create some..and I certainly wasn't getting all the attention that I was when I was drinking ..That sucked :)
My hard nosed sponsor used to call me Dipshit...because I never listened much....
If he wanted me to do something? He told me to do the opposite.......It worked..
I used to react to everything.....and everyone...and thought I was well....Long ways from it :)
Took a while to calm it all down...and lots of work...but it happened
I find today....that the BEST reaction...is NO REACTION (MOST of the time) .....:)
And acceptance of everything...just the way it is...right at this moment
Kinda nice just to sit back and WATCH
-- Edited by Philipld on Sunday 25th of May 2014 01:25:14 AM
When I was newcomer, people from A.A. told me just to watch at my first year. I was wondering why I have to "watch" ... it didn't make sense to me. And it was hard for me, because every time in every situation I wanted to "correct" some details - people, things, behavior and so on. This was connected with my reactions. And I couldn't be calm and just watch. It happened to me one time to not react, even if in my head I was "right". And I understood why I have to watch.
Today, when something happens and even if nothing happens I'm trying to not react (because if I react, it is from my alcoholism), but just watch - myself, others, situations, places, things. And I see and I feel that I'm not the person, who will judge and try to "correct" anything, because it's not my job. Bad things will happen, I can't save the world - I just have to be careful what is behind this pink idea of "saving the world" - to see my fears, my judgement and so on. So, my acceptance is when with others I'm standing on same "level" not more or less from others. My acceptance in actions is every time, when I'm turning to God with prayer or meditation. My acceptance is, when I'm confused to watch myself (inventories) and to watch others (it's funny how normal people don't react like I do). My acceptance is to know and to feel that there is no wrong or right.
There is one story of the man who didn't know what is good and what is bad. Others came to him once, when something "bad" happened and told him that what happened to him is bad and he said: "I don't know if it is bad." After that something good happened to him and the others told him that this is good. And he said: "I don't know if this is good". And this over and over again ... he just didn't know and he didn't make categories of the things that happened and that's why he is free man. Because he didn't know. Because this is God's job. And nothing happens by mistake.
Just for today ...
The words in red are what I have been dealing with. Wow! Are all of us really that much alike? Beautiful and encouraging post for me, myownhell.
(And Phil, I'm loving all of your great postings--your are very inspirational and thank you.)
for me when practicing gratitude by helping someone in the day,taking time out to give back; i find Acceptance to be the way to look at all things which may come at me good or bad.
This helps me to stay unjammed and more willing to find solutions for not only my own life problems but my sponsee's,support group members and family members.
