I have been a victim of my own self-defeating thoughts for most all of my life. I bought into my flawed belief system in that when a thought entered my mind, I believed it. No matter how ridiculous, absurd, unfair, unkind, negative, and especially how untrue it was--it was "true" to me because I thought it. (Everyone dislikes me, talks about me, I'm not good enough, etc.) This way of thinking caused me to have a false perception of people, including myself, as well as life in general. My thinking was most of the time negative, my behaviors became most of the time negative as well. I was getting better and noticed a change in my thinking. Then about a week and a half ago, I started to have the creeping crud enter my mind and negative thoughts started to flood my mind again.
Since I have been in AA, I have been trying to flood my mind (not really knowingly) with AA "stuff". I don't think there is not an hour in my awake time that I don't think of something to do with what I have learned about staying sober. Now, granted there are still plenty of times when I worry about crap and have allowed that to question my sobriety (like the last several days). I need to learn how to question that question (about my sobriety) and challenge it and not just accept it. I need to try to catch myself and pray about it. I need to contact my sponsor more,and talk about it and not feel like I am a "bother. I have instead come to this board and posted about it because I know that there are quite a few alcoholics on this board who have a lot more sober time than I do and who have worked the steps with a sponsor, and have the knowledge and willingness to help me through the rough patches. I am very appreciative to these people because they are helping me not only now, but especially for the first several months earlier in my recovery when I didn't have a sponsor and wasn't working the program. I feel like I would have started drinking again, if not for this board and those members.
In the next year, I am hoping to continue to flood my mind with AA....that means a commitment to throw myself into the program more than I have been doing and learn as much as I can about what is in the Big Book. I need to rely on my sponsor more and trust the insight he has. Also, I need to increase my prayer and meditation time with my Higher Power, who is God, because I know I am not nearly as spiritual as I can and need to be. I think it is only by doing these things, that I have a chance to stay sober and be more able to help other alcoholics, like my sponsor, and posters here and other AA'ers have helped me. I still have a longggg way to go before I am "over myself" and more into others.
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Thursday 22nd of May 2014 07:41:55 AM
In the next year, I am hoping to continue to flood my mind with AA....that means a commitment to throw myself into the program more than I have been doing and learn as much as I can about what is in the Big Book.
BTY
I think by now, it would have been good to have read through the BB at least 3 or 4 times ... if you haven't, for whatever reason, please try to ... AND, what helped me the first 2 years, was a lot of BB and 12 & 12 'book study' meetings ... they were invaluable ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It's all about spritual progress BTY....And that dirty little four letter word....TIME. You're making progress....And more will be made in the upcoming year. Don't overthink things Grace....I don't know who said this but I heard it once and liked it.
There's a storm inside my head and it's killing all the flowers.
I would definitely agree with what Pappy and Stepchild had to share. I can tell you that when I read the Big Book & the 12&12 after a year of sobriety, I was reading it with a much clearer mind and I saw things in both books I hadn't seen before. I also saw where I needed to do some more work in the Steps that I'd already worked. Nobody should do one trip through the Steps, and call it good. It doesn't work that way. I went through them again, myself.....and, got amazing results. Remember.....this is a journey! You're not there yet.
We need balance between work and play. We need balance between giving and receiving. We need balance in thought and feelings. We need balance in caring for our physical self and our spiritual self.
A balanced life has harmony between a professional life and a personal life. There may be times when we need to climb mountains at work. There may be times when we put extra energy into our relationships. But the overall picture needs to balance.
Just as a balanced nutritional diet takes into account the realm of our nutritional needs to stay healthy, a balanced life takes into account all our needs: our need for friends, work, love, family, play, private time, recovery time, and spiritual time - time with God. If we get out of balance, our inner voice will tell us. We need to listen.
Today, I will examine my life to see if the scales have swung too far in any area or not far enough in some. I will work toward achieving balance.
I appreciate every one of the great responses and look forward to learning so much more. I am excited at the changes which I have already seen and I know God has more in store for me....I know that He expects ME to do the work though. So I am throwing away my sippy cup and will take this more seriously. I am a sponsor now. I have to.
Congrats on becoming a sponsor Grace ... NOW, you'll learn the BB inside and out ... I thought I knew a lot about the program, but wow, when I became a sponsor I read the BB over and over and over so as not to appear 'stupid' in front of my sponsee, ... LOL ... praying for you ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Congrats on becoming a sponsor Grace ... NOW, you'll learn the BB inside and out ... I thought I knew a lot about the program, but wow, when I became a sponsor I read the BB over and over and over so as not to appear 'stupid' in front of my sponsee, ... LOL ... praying for you ...
LOL, Pappy....that's my concern as well. I figure if I get in at least and hour (hopefully more) of Big Book study a day...starting at the beginning and also studying the notes my sponsor gave to me, that will help. I am also going to look up the "big" words in the Big Book. I have either heard one(s) mention it on this board or in the meetings that they look up definitions of words they didn't understand to help them better understand. I am going to use a new notebook and be writing things down as I read...because I don't remember as much if I don't do this. Also I will pray to God before my studying for His help in helping me understand the material. I'm scared, but excited at the same time. There is just so much information in it to learn.
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Friday 23rd of May 2014 06:54:22 AM
Hey Grace, ... you should see my BB ... I started 'high-lighting' certain passages, sentences, pages, descriptions, etc. when I got serious about recovery ... and ESPECIALLY when I became a sponsor ... you know what ??? ... my whole freak'n book is nearly colored in now ... LOL ... (and starting to fall apart) ... whatever your method, please 'absorb' every single word, sentence, phrase that you can ... it's definitely a 'recipe' for the 'good' life ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
There are several members in the meetings who have showed or told about their BB "falling apart", heavily underlined, etc. I just thought they were too cheap to buy new BB's. (LOL) Before I had a sponsor, I never underlined or highlighted in books. It may be because when I was younger, I used to get my parents, and probably my sister's and brother's books, and do some "touch-ups". I even used to cut out the pretty pictures in some of them! I'm sure I got a fanny flaming more than once for that....(oops, am I blaming the parents/siblings again for "the way I turned out"???) At the first meeting with my sponsor, when he told me I needed to write certain things he told me to in the margins and underline things, I just cringed! And this was not a new BB I had either! Now, I realize the necessity of doing just that and I know that a BB which is falling apart and marked in a lot means it is being read and used A LOT!)
