Had a great Mother's Day. Went to see my mom and got along with her superbly. No second guessing, paranoid feelings about what she meant when she said something. It was wonderful. My daughter sent me an email last night wishing me a Happy Mom's Day and telling me she is proud of my sober time. Oh, and she ended it with "Love (and her name). Haven't heard from her in months and months. Life is good.....well, sort of....
now here comes the ego and/or pettiness on my part, I know, however this is really bugging me and my sponsor is out of the country and hasn't responded to my text yet and I need help. First of all, the neighbors use our recycling bins as their own. We pay a monthly fee, and although it is not all that much, we still pay it. They have been using them for months and months and it doesn't bother my bf one bit. We put our things in grocery bags and put them out on the street and as he says...they still pick them up. Well, the neighbors fill our two containers up,as well as other containers mainly with empty beer cans and wine bottles. I hate even walking to our apartment and looking at the empties. Well, dear bf lets them use not only the bins, but curbside service as well, because this morning, although I asked him not to, he still took all their stuff to the street for them to be picked up. My first concern is that there are a few of our neighbors who know that we are sober now. I worry that they will see him carrying all those empties and think that they are ours and we are drinking again. Next is that we didn't have anyone helping us get rid of our empties and got rid of them ourselves. I even suggested to him that he is enabling these people (college age) by not letting them see all their cans and bottles in front of them and have to deal with their disposal. Anyway, it also bothers the hell out of me that he is putting someone else in front of me and my concerns--certainly not the first time and won't be the last--I feel like sometimes I ought to stand in line and take a number. Personally, I wouldn't touch the damn empties because I handled enough of my own when I was drinking myself and cannot imagine another recovering alcoholic being able to.
I feel very down that I am allowing this to affect my mood and my day so much. I know it is one of those "people, places and things" things however, I guess I feel once again, as in many times in this relationship that my feelings don't account for much. I did pray to God to take it and deal with it and it is still nagging at me. I look forward to my meeting tonight. Didn't make one over the weekend and I can tell I really need one. Thanks for letting me share this really horrible terrible thing with you guys. I just posted to a newcomer that I don't let things bother me as much, and again, I know I have a longgg way to go. I am mad at myself.
The good thing is that in the past I would have never thought I could live near my mom without us not getting along, and I know now after yesterday, we can get along and maybe little things like this are meant to happen to annoy me and get me to do so as she is older and I know she could really use my help. It is a small town (only 2 AA meetings a week) and I don't know if the opportunities to help other alcoholics are like they are here in the large city I live. Guess if God wants me to move, I will know it.
, the crybaby, ,
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Monday 12th of May 2014 11:55:57 AM
Thanks Phil...I needed that. Thank you for giving me such a thin waistline and shiny hair.
Well...it is not a matter of me letting him do anything. He does what he wants. This is good though because for most of the time I have been sober, I have taken most of his suggestions to avoid a confrontation. Not anymore....
no violence....just a polite, "thank you for sharing" and doing some walking away with the cute little perky nose and nice boots you gave me (I am calling it being politely assertive without being an ass while being assertive.)
Who made that suggestion?....First off....How awesome is the day you spent with your mom and the E-mail from your daughter???....And on the second matter.........I forgot what the second matter was.
My bf gets on me all the time about being on this board too much, stepchild. I have spent so much of today focused on that "second matter" when I should not have let it bother me the way it did. I probably shouldn't come to this board and post such silliness on my part. I think the reason I do is that I know that in the past, it was small matters which drove me straight to the places that sell the stuff that can kill me. (Now how very ironic and sad, as well as stupid, would it be if I ended up drinking over it today?) One thing that happens jogs my memory of other things in the past that were in my resentment list and I thought I was over--which it is obvious I'm not. So, I am going to go back to the Book and ask my sponsor when he returns if I need to rework those resentments and made amends--again! UUUGGGG! I just thought I was over this stuff for the most part. Just told a newcomer on here today that I don't let stuff get to me as much and here I gooo.....
I am very grateful for the time I spent with my mom, who once told me when I was drinking that there was no helping me and that I was "hopeless". And how doubly (is that a word??) grateful I am to hear from my daughter.
It is like that guy who lives in the "hot house" is trying to not let me get too comfy with these wonderful feelings and experiences and something happens and he wants to turn up the heat on me.
Anyway.....my sponsor said that it is "progress over perfection", so as I tip up my glass of water and orange juice, "Here's to progress..." and who knows??? All this may be "meant to be" things to push me in a different direction and if that is the case, I will welcome it with open arms (maybe a broken heart, though, even though it has been stomped on right much anyway.)
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Monday 12th of May 2014 02:16:37 PM
I had an oldtimer friend give me this piece of advice....I swear by it...It works.
Don't sweat the petty things....And don't pet the sweaty things.
See if you can find your answer here. A couple selected paragraphs from step 10.
This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.
pg 84
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.
pg 85
-- Edited by Stepchild on Monday 12th of May 2014 02:41:55 PM
Oh!!!! I didn't ask God to remove my CD's this morning when that happened!!! That may be what happened. I told Him I was turning the crap over to Him. (Well, not in those words...) I expected the stuff to just disappear and when it didn't, it got me further down and I felt even worse. And I have taken it out on my bf who was wanting to help a neighbor and made it all about me. Damn! I just realized I have to make another amends to him. And you know, stepchild, that is really hard when I think I am right. Deep down, though, I know I was wrong. It is still hard. He never hardly apologizes to me for anything. Just looks at me smugly. Stays calm while I go on and on. That upsets me more because then I think he doesn't care that it upsets me.
I'm a mess.
Well, I am going to pray right now. I have some privacy now. That's another thing. There is no privacy here and it is hard for me to pray as much as I need to when I am followed out on the porch for every smoke break and we work together in the same room and the t.v. is always on. About the only time I have by myself is in a room where, well, I just think it is disrespectful of me to pray "in there". Oh, the kitchen, I have prayed while doing dishes. Now it sounds like I am making excuses....maybe I am. I still don't really know what goes on in this befuddled head of mine sometimes.
Thanks stepchild...whew! This is like the hardest "job" I have ever had...as it requires work, and working for myself for so many years, I tend to be lazy sometimes.
Practice BTY...Not work. Before you know it...It will become a working part of the mind. Automatic. Take it easy on yourself....Don't forget to thank your HP for yesterday....So much to be thankful for.
If your boyfriend wants to do it? Let him do it....No big deal right? How Important is it? :)
I think it's a noble effort on his part really ... and who knows? ... just maybe those soured empty cans and bottles reminds him of the money he threw away in the recycle bin in the past ... AND ... what others may think of him, or you, by seeing him throwing these things away is none of your business anyway ... so, no big deal ... like Stepdude said: Don't sweat the petty things....And don't pet the sweaty things.
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 12th of May 2014 05:10:17 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Well, did my praying and made amends and felt better--I guess. Short-lived though....my day just kept on getting better. Found out tonight that a person I thought I could trust betrayed my confidence.
oh well. That is why I have had a trust issue for so long. I still think the "hot guy" I mentioned above is trying to test me. Am I the only person who knows that if someone thinks enough about me to trust and confide in me, I had better damn well not be blabbing to others about it. I didn't think men did this--only women. I had confided in someone early on and was told by this person I could trust him and he said that anything I told him would be in strictest confidence and he wouldn't tell anyone. So I opened up a bit too much about this personal problem I was having. This was early on in my sobriety and I was going through some really rough patches and this was just the nicest sweetest person and I felt comfortable telling something about myself thinking it would go no further. I am very hurt. Oh well, again.
Personally, I wouldn't touch the damn empties because I handled enough of my own when I was drinking myself and cannot imagine another recovering alcoholic being able to. 
, the crybaby, 
,