Can someone share any ESH on how someone who was affected by my alcoholism. That doesn't drink. How do they recover. I mean how is it for them in recovery. What do they go through, what difficulties to they face in recovery. I know my part and the past. The BB focuses on the damage we did and what to expect. However it doesn't allow me to see their recovery through their eyes. I know what I struggle with in my recovery. Just trying to see it from their eyes so I can be more understanding and tolerant of what they might be going through in their recovery.
If you go to the Al-Anon site, you may be able to get a pretty good idea of how others have been affected by their loved ones alcoholism. We are all different and have individual stories, however, there will be some common things...such as desertion, anger, helplessness, depression, resentment...which are things I felt when my dad and mom were drinking and I am sure I caused my love ones to feel those and more emotions.
I only went to one Al-Anon meeting. Some would say I never have recovered from my father's alcoholism (my mom drank but not as much and quit on her own). However, I feel that since I have been in AA and worked the steps, that I have at least come to terms, do not harbor any grudges, and have let go of his actions and am more focused on my own.
We are all equals on the path - we have all suffered the effects of the disease of alcoholism... alcohol is just a symptom of the same dysfunction that brought us together.
-- Edited by Tasha on Thursday 8th of May 2014 07:07:53 PM
E...just a part of the definition of Alcoholism which use to be read in early program states that "the family, friends, associates, spouses etc. do not have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality. Therefore they go thru the insanity wide awake." Wanting, wishing for, dreaming about, expecting normalcy and getting the exact opposite day after day after day after promise after broken promise, after vain attempts, after retrying to fix what cannot be fixed by the spouse or anyone else except the will of the alcoholic to do it for themselves in spite of everything and everyone else is CRAZY MAKING. The last word of their step two is also sanity just like ours and the forefront to it is "A Power Greater than ourselves" and still they do no, did not have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality. I was born and raised within this life threatening and fatal disease. From infant years my life was the chaotic consequence of habitual, addictive drinking and drugs and then including my own. I drank beyond what was reasonably safe on many occasions and tried to teach my alcoholic/addict spouse how to. I know the sounds of insanity, the look of it, touch of it, smell of it acceptance of it while still often holding the expectation of normalcy which was only a figment of my imagination. Normalcy for me was under the influence until my HP directed a led me into the rooms of recovery for the second time. I didn't even know how to spell alcohol or alcoholic/ism when I got here ... my picture was normal.
It takes an inordinate amount of humility and patience and willingness to be able to sit and listen and then learn what it was that "they went thru" I order to find out what my first wife went thru with my drinking I had to marry an alcoholic/addict myself and then I came to understand. I will never say "No big deal" to the spouse, (male or female) of an alcoholic and or addict.
I had the blessing of experience too of being a behavioral health counselor in a large multilevel rehab...With the willingness to believe...I came to understand. Ours is the most destructive disease on the face of the earth. It will take time and deep willingness to see it from their perspective and then it will take a great sponsor to help me (as he did) thru guilt and shame which I never felt when I drank.
Keep coming back "If you keep and OPEN MIND you will find help".
I never realized the full extent of my actions until much later on in life. The implications extended far beyond the realm of normalized thinking, affecting a large number of people including my soon to be ex-wives. It was an emotional roller coaster for a good part of 25 years, not to mention the affect it had on my entire family. The word alcoholic meant more to them than habitual intoxication, it became a thick cloud of disappointment from start to finish. Imagine that.
One of their biggest complaints, besides rising absenteeism, was my insatiable appetite for more -alcohol that is. They would say things like "are you through drinking yet" or "most people only have one why can't you". That part hurt, but the truth often does. It became a never ending battle of wits until that infamous day in July of 2001. That's when she finally said her goodbyes and left. I never got over that part.
It wasn't until the departure of my second wife that I finally got the point. After that, I had no other choice but to surrender. The thought of losing someone else became too much of a burden, so I faced my demons head on and got sober. Then it dawned on me: The suffering we experience does not compare to the suffering others go through, namely my numerous wives (plural). It would never resonate with us like it has for them, and that's something I could never understand, until now. I hope it stays that way. Onward.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 9th of May 2014 10:29:41 PM
