Feeling a bit low tonight. Cannot sleep and decided to come here and "talk". It is so surprising I am so full of words and more myself on here than in meetings, although I talk more than I did, when it comes to shares--well, most of the time-- I don't. Still have that insecurity thing I guess. You guys cannot see my body language and I can "hide" behind this computer screen and lay on my ass so that is a comfort zone for me so I am not exposing too much of myself, thus my fear of making an ass of myself isn't as great. (Nah...that's probably not it, I've done that on here quite a few times; however, you guys don't get to see my face turning red or me squirm and I can just click out of this site and get away from you all when I am embarrassed. Can't get away from myself though. And sometimes I think I am so full of sh** and this isn't going to last forever. I have loved being sober and having more faith than I have ever had. But what gets me is how one thing can happen which will flood me with the same insecurities and woe-is-me's that drove me to drink in the first place. I was just posting earlier about feeling sorry for myself and I didn't think I was feeling that way at the time. Anyway, guess it is my alcoholic mind trying to tell me I'm a big phoney.
Coming up on a year I haven't had a drink--well, at the end of May. It still seems surreal to me. I never thought I could go one day without a drink. I am grateful for that. It is amazing about that people, places and things. At times I think I am doing so good, and then one little thing will be said or happen and I feel like I am on day one again.
Anyway, going to stop here...I'm oozing again. Love you guys.
You're taking care of you the way God would by coming here and sharing and letting us in. What an honor. So what if it's different than in meetings. You are where HP needs you today, the way He needs you today, so don't worry too much dearest one. You or I don't know better than God.
I guess I've heard this called "a case of the shoulda, woulda, coulda's". When ever I get a case of that, I remind myself I don't know better than God. I just need to let go and have faith in Him. Living in that 'shoulda, coulda, woulda' mode, only steals my usefulness to HP - when I steal from me, I am responsible for that. I can also make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of Him at any moment. In our house, we have a 'restart' button. We press our nose, and we can press each others too. Yes, it's dorky - but part of being a worker for God means not caring so much what others think = so it's good practice for us! (Plus the kids think it's funny and get to say silly noises).
Hope tonite is better for you BTY ... when I do my prayer at days end, usually one filled with gratitude, I review the day and am satisfied I did all I could do for the day ... if something was left unfinished, I simply say to myself, I'll hit that tomorrow if I am granted a 'tomorrow' ... I found one key to a good night's sleep is to be content with the day, sober ... there is nothing going on at sundown that won't be there when the sun rises ... rest is vital to recovery ... we need to learn to be comfortable with 'who' we are, 'where' we are , and the 'direction' we're headed ... if we're happy with that, and there are no physical reasons to be awake, we should be able to sleep peacefully ... this, due to 'faith, hope, and love' with God ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I thought you were talking about your waffle ... ... ... oh wait, that's eggo, ... never mind me, it's just my mind takes me to some far-off places sometimes ... ... ... sorry!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
