She was extremely knowledgeable of the program and helped me so very much. I was lost and desperate and I thought she was God. Soon I found I had to run every little detail of my life past her before I made a move. That of course was not the intention of having a program that is about faith in a Higher power, greater than a human power.

I ended up breaking it off with her and going back to my original sponsor who basically was just an ear. That was good for me because I started relying on my own self and my understanding of God. It was very difficult to end the relationship at the time, but I felt SO free! I was so enmeshed with her! I thought too, that her dysfunction of 'needing' people to need her was sabotaging Me - and I felt I made the right move. Well - I had - because it's the one I made.
Now, years later, I have discovered something through sponsoring many many people myself. It takes a lot of confidence to be a sponsor and say things people don't want to hear... or stretch the limits of where their mind would normally go. There will be some worship by those people usually, if they begin to grasp the info and it is easy to Not deflect it toward a HP working in their life vs. letting it in as something that you yourself have done for them... hence inflating EGO which is not a fun place to live.

Something that has been a miracle experience for me thus far Because of Her and her HP has been that I have always given my program, and all the info that I've been freely given Back to others without ever expecting a result or outcome at all. If the people like me or not is irrelevant, and if we end up friends or not is as well. The info has always been presented to others because I needed to hear myself say it, and because it ensures my own recovery to stay connected and keep it an open book. When I close the book - I close Me off again.

What it offered me was the ability to never be attached to outcomes with my sponsorship relationships - and it was actually that sponsor I broke it off with who ended up teaching me about that Because - It was ME who was feeling she Needed to be directing people and she was dysfunctional. I only assumed that. I was projecting MY problems with enmeshment and codependency onto Her - not the other way around. So I got to see that first hand when I ran into her, and here I thought she was all pissy at me for ended our relationship and in fact, absolutely nothing changed for her. She was exactly the same and not only that, she was more than happy to just talk as always. Her coda was resolved all along, and her dynamic was nothing like mine at all... it was all in MY head.

But - had I not had that experience, I would have never been so acutely aware of the fact that when I begin a sponsorship relationship Today in my life (and for the past 2 years) that most likely - the other person is going to have a TON of stuff going on 'about' our relationship, is going to be analyzing the yahoo out of it, just like every relationship they have (just like I was) and for THEM there is probably going to be a ton of issues, drama, problems etc - when in fact, the relationship is just simple: I give back freely what was given to me - FOR ME> not them. They will likely be thinking I'm this that and the other thing (just like I did) and will probably be harshly judging and critiquing me. That's OK. That is part of the learning. As long as I offer my truth - FOR ME - and leave the results up to the universe - I get to grow.   Other people may or may not benefit as a byproduct.  That is not up to me, or my intention for the relationship.  I am here for My growth... so that I become most useful to my HP.  When I do this, everyone benefits of course - so technically, as I care for myself the way my all loving God would, I am becoming a tool for Him to help others.  Others however can Not be my focus, because I am an *adult child* who was also addicted to external validation/affirmation and chaos. 

The best part is - now 2 years later, I can laugh and talk about all this with my old sponsor. I finally grew to the point where I realized I could call her and tell her all of this, to which she confirmed she went through all of it at one point too - and was happy to hear from me and then we just picked up where we left off, because she is the person who told me to never ever steal from myself by bringing any yesterdays into today. What ended up happening is we talked for hours, became friends for the first time really - because "I" was finally capable of bringing ME to it, (not the false self people pleasing/analyzing me) and now it's amazing.

I show up each day - check out where every one and life is TODAY, because we are each growing and changing daily (including ME) - and leave yesterday where it belongs. In this way - I am most useful to HP and the results are truly up to Him. Step 3: God IS.

She taught me that - but she never fails to tell me it was just my HP using her to touch my heart. She taught me how to deflect all of it and keep what I offer between just me and God and never use it to ego boost or ever need that ego boost from anyone other than God... by showing me what her God looks like... turns out, it was my God talking to me through her all along. What a gift to know what God IS today in my life.