Got a good days sleep and I'm off to work soon. Talked to my sponser today he comes back from FLA on Thursday thank God. Was agitated and doubtful when I woke up. Felt upset I was backed into a corner defending myself against the wife. Then I realized this is how she feels when I accuse or hold her in contempt. Also was reflecting on the sometimes lonelyness of possibly being single again. I could not help remember all Those years of drinking outside and isolating myself from the family thought I was hurting no one. Now I know how my wife felt all those years craving my attention not getting her needs met. I've been in the same boat since I got sober and it's a sobering realization how no action or attention hurts more than negative attention. It feels like being neglected and abandoned. I can see it from her side of the street and feel it also. I don't have to be that person today. I can forgive and be helpful if the person wants to receive it or not. I don't have to QTIP if they don't want me their loss not mine. I know who I am and what I am. I have God carrying me through this. If they want to feel the way they feel so be it it's their feelings. I cam only do the best I can do and don't have to live up to others expectations on how they think I should act or be in my recovery.
Letting Go isn't easy but possible.
Glad you checked in. That's good. Seeing the other person's point of view is always revealing and it's real growth. This is gonna pass eventually, but you're right -- God is carrying you through this.
Yeah Enigma, what goes around, comes around ... and it's a b*tch ... ... ... ironic huh? ... how we thought our isolation wasn't hurting anyone ... wow, that was a cold hard fact for me to learn ... thanks for your post ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Enigma wrote....."I could not help remember all Those years of drinking outside and isolating myself from the family thought I was hurting no one".
....that is EXACTLY the way I thought. I guess that self-centeredness really played played number one on me and unfortunately, played a "number two" on the rest of the people in my life, because that is what I treated them like. It is what it is, Enigma, and I empathize with you because I too am paying and probably will always pay for making alcohol number one not so long ago.
What I did when I was going thru (growth) that you're going thru was tow write the realizations down and confirm them with the fellowship and my sponsor "How'd you handle this and did you handle this ...this way? I got mostly honest insight and experience which reaffirmed my coming to understand. When I came to understand that "they" felt because I also did the playing field was level and I could make honest amends and apologies because they were due. It hurts...it's a bitch even for us and certainly for them. Trust God...Clean House...Help Others. That is our program...simple.
