This morning was an amazing singing event in church.  Just goose bumpy and wonderful. 

Music was always an outlet for me, to escape or explain reality in a way that allowed me to also hide behind the impression of it.  To express something in a vulnerable way, and be exposed as if in a secret language, where I was the only one who could speak it:   washed away the overtones of fear that were ever there in my life.  At the same time I was terrified of the performance, as the demand for perfection accelerated and evolved... like and outlet or escape, the obsession was progressive, and the need for more was never ending until the unhealthy drive was broken and as they say in AA "smashed".


Today, because of the freedom from bondage of self, that living the principles of this program offered... I am able to fit this hobby into a balanced and healthy role in my life.  It's light, and fun, and airy and emotional on a real level, so it reflects directly how I'm feeling in life... just like it always has.  I feel myself relax and naturally move with and enjoy it.


One of the most exciting moments in music is the silence "rest" before the climax of a song or phrase in a song - usually ever so brief, but absolutely important.  The yearning to fill the empty silence allows my heart to burst into that ever sought after 'flow' that my spirit seeks.  If I meditate deeply, I can feel that same sort of yearning and presence.  The enthusiasm for HP's will for my life = "Thy will be done, not mine".  Flow


Sometimes, in the midst of a conversation with a friend, I feel that same zing in a silence, and I know that is the whisper and embrace of my HP.  Knowing to wait, sit quietly - allow the higher power of the universe to lay out the answers, and submit to the flow of life vs. spewing answers and words that would only take away from that beautifully special moment of silence that other person might need to experience their own 'Aha!'  Their own 'flow'. 

In this way, I create an undertone of that same yearning and presence: a oneness with the powers that be, and a deep river begins to flow beneath the surface that is my life... carrying me gently along in the spiritual mist that lifts me up and balances my heart during the many silences that I can now sit back and allow the God of my understanding to fill with His Amazing Grace.