I was in a meeting the other day when a woman shared that early in recovery she told her sponsor she was going to commit suicide. "If you did that you wouldn't be committing suicide, you'd be committing homicide," he said. "What do you mean?" she asked. "You have no idea who you are yet, so you'd be killing someone else. That's why it'd be homicide." Boy did I relate.
I remember early in recovery struggling to find the real me. At first I thought I was the result of my past actions, and my self-loathing was so intense that I was sure no one would accept or like me. As I worked through that and began feeling better about myself, my ego took over and my mantra became, "Don't you know who I am?" and "Where's mine?!"
It took me a long time to realize I wasn't as good or as bad as I thought I was. With over a decade in recovery and with a multitude of personality shifts, I've come to realize that identifying with my thoughts is a waste of time. I now know that at my core I am simply a channel of God, and the more I focus on being of service the more I come to know my real self and true purpose.
Today I understand what they mean when they say - You're not who you think you are.
Please Pass it On!
Copyright @ 2014 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Good one Paps! I've been working on this issue recently. Trying to get down to my core(God) being. Living in the present moment, absence of thought other than the task at hand, not listening to the thoughts created by my wounded EGO. The EGO that separates me from my authentic self and God. It's not easy, it can be pretty loud at times. But, like anything- with practice and repitition my hope is it will improve.
Ya know Phil?, ... I put on my cowboy hat one time and an appropriate shirt and boots and my wife asked me what I was do'n ?, ... I told her I was going incognito ... ... ... she asked, where's that, ... LMAO ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Super posting, Pappy!
When I was drinking, I had no motivations and no motivation to live. A big ole waste of space and I wondered why the heck was I born ---just to die??? Since I have been sober, my main goal is to be of service to others and relying on God to guide me in the ways He wants me to do work for Him. I have had many bosses in the past including working for myself, so I was my own boss. Now my #1 boss is God as I work for Him. I now feel worthy and useful instead of worthless and useless.
