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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> May be a little religious, or may be just spiritual ...
Post Info TOPIC: May be a little religious, or may be just spiritual ...
myownhell


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May be a little religious, or may be just spiritual ...
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Hey, people. Today I was reading from the Bible. I've always tried to escape from reading Peter. But, now I'm trying to do the things that I don't want to do - just to see what will happen and just to see how I'm going to die, while I do the things that I don't want to do (my poor ego). smile This is now some kind a law for me.

And I'm reading 1 Peter 2:16 - Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God's slaves.

And started to think ( I haven't got anything to think with, but ... ) how many times I've used my "freedom" as cover-up for my self-will and all that things I've done. Even in A.A. I'm coming with all my defects, with all these mechanism of lying, stealing, dishonesty, always looking for the things I want, approval, competition, seeing in everyone  danger for me. All these fears from my past and life, went in A.A., too. Deep resentments, fears, jealousy, envy, self-pity and so on. "Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self-pity ...."

Now, I can see how other people in A.A. are using the same thing - using their "freedom" to cover-up evil. Using the "freedom" in A.A. to protect their ego of being hurt. So much I see myself in them. And I am thinking how this is all about fear. All about fear, which paralyzed me until I got drunk again and almost die in the hospital before a month and a half. I hope this thing to not happen to them, because of my resentments, which I had and all this running away, looking for easier and softer way, always confusion and frustration ... fighting with others, even in A.A. I still was crazy. 

Now, again from beginning with a little hope, a little, but enough and more action. Feel like I let go some of my old ideas, which were really rooted in me. And ... It seems that I'm not smart enough, because I'm not learning from mistakes of others, but from my own and this is at times, not always.

So, now I can feel that I have freedom only if I'm slave to God, not to myself or other human. I'm praying for willingness to be a slave to God and to do His will, not mine. Because I really want to be relieved.



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betterthanyesterday52


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I prefer to think of me as being God's "child" or "follower" rather than "slave" even though it is in the Bible. Slave has too many negative connotations to me. I do like your message and wish you success on your journey in staying sober. Thanks for posting.

BTY

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myownhell


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Thanks.
Yes, I was thinking that it is important to think of me as God's child, too - its softer and lovelier. In our translation of Bible in my language, the word is servant.

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Pythonpappy


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Try not to get hung up on terminology ... many words have changed their meanings over time ... plus, many times, we're at the mercy of the 'translator' ...

Great post myownhell ... very good indeed ... ... ...



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Stepchild


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I see a lot of growth in you myownhell...Incredible.
And I can tell you first hand....Praying for willingness works.
Keep moving forward!

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