"Another method for identifying our control or attempted control of others involves a look at the roles and behaviors that a controlling person uses. We have identified the aggressor, enabler, martyr, and obsessive-compulsive personality. Here are other roles and behaviors that identify control: Acting like a victim or rescuer, Manipulating or recasting facts, Throwing Fits of anger, Intellectualizing, Exaggerate harms done to you, Embellish facts or stories, Gossip, Act incompetent, Act superior, Act confused or lost, Lying, Refusing to talk, Practical joker, Refusing to stop talking."
How do I NOT love thee - let me count the way...
Reading this again feels overwhelming. Each time I read through things I see them more clearly, more finely tuned, and I am gifted awareness to see areas I need/want even finer tweaking to truly treat me (and everyone else) in a loving and honest way. I get that same uneasy feeling that I know you all know too, AGAIN! OOOOOOOH MYYYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!
Same ol - Swirling thoughts of - What have I done. What has been done to me. How can I really truly rid myself of ALL OF THIS RIGHT NOW!?? I have done ALL OF THIS. I have done it all to different degrees and before recovery and IN RECOVERY. So that makes me EVEN WORSE! RIGHT!???
Insert loving HP.
Loving HP does not judge without mercy. Loving HP does not expect me to be perfect in every way every day. Loving HP asks me to seek progress not perfection one moment at a time. Loving HP does not say all this makes me not worth it. Loving HP has something amazing in store for me to discover as a result of going through these symptoms of my upbringing. Loving HP does not give up on me. Loving HP is patient, kind, caring, nurturing - feeds my soul when I need it most. I - the true me - can be a reflection of that today, just right now and start anew this moment. That is all that is asked of me to live in the light of the spirit. yay. I'm back. The moments are fleeting now - but worth sharing with you just the same. When I share them - they lose their power over me. The false self just hates the light.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoooo
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hey Phil, ... When I used to look in the mirror on a 'day after', I used to curse myself and call myself some pretty bad names ... no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fix myself ... and I am a 'Mr. Fix-it' kind a guy, LOL ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
We are powerless to fix these issues...We only have the power to exercise free will...One needs to pray and mediate and grow along spiritual lines...Many things that we feel that we are trapped in will just disappear...The key is taking oneself out of the drivers seat and turning all over to God..What is replaced is love and understanding..Like acne blemishes on a teen ager..one day it just disappears....be patient and stay true to the course..steps 10-11-12 MUST be exercised on a regular basis.
An AA friend of mine gave me a small book of meditations ..it's dated "Harriet August 1980"..It's been all over the world with me...I'm just beginning to understand in depth what it is trying to convey to me....Power, Strength and Knowledge..All come from within..All comes from God.
I'm just part of his plan..and the more I understand that...the happier I am...My job is just to stay sober and help others..to act as God's agent..this is how we lose that selfishness and self centeredness then we notice how cooperative life is..Things then are not coincidence..they are part of the plan..
Get out of the problem and get into the solution...Use your spiritual mind not the material strugglinging mind.
((((Tasha))))...I got it...the fulcrum point..."Insert God". And after the conversation between God and Self becomes "place me where you want me...tell me what to do". ((((hugs))))
Yeah that's a painful list. And just like our task at staying sober, knowing what the problem is intellectually doesn't automatically solve it. Those behaviors are what's automatic to us so acting opposite or not acting at all (learning how to just pause) gets us out of the cycle. Tough stuff and one day at a time as well. It's easy to get overwhelmed by a list like that. Sometimes I just try and work on one thing a month, or a year. And that seems less daunting.
Continued blessings!