It is so hard to look, when we try to look at ALL OF IT, and then attach 'A FIX' to each 'thing' in our mind. So in other words, if I think that I am seriously messed up in many many ways... I better do many many things to fix me.
While it is true that this program only asks us to change one thing: Everything ------------ we do not have to change everything all at once.
When I was new to recovery, and felt overwhelmed, a very important lesson was presented to me. Maybe not just to me... maybe it was also presented to me so I could share it with you. Maybe everything is for all of us all along :) Maybe we all deserve the best life HP has to offer. Maybe caring for our life like a beautiful treasured gift is within all of our reach if we see the truth: We are a gift to this Earth.
I was about to clean the house. This house is an old 1930's arts and crafts style house with all wood floors, very tall ceilings (and high up cobwebs), many many rooms on one floor. Just the thought of cleaning the main floor - all those wood floors - - I felt like I could just crawl in a hole and not do it. I remembered what the program taught me, what YOU taught me: Do just the thing in front of you. Focus on the moment.
I put the mountain of work out of my mind, and focused on just the room I was standing in. When that was finished, I moved on to the next - and one at a time, I got through the whole house. I had a good work out - I felt refreshed from the exercise of scrubbing the floors by hand. I got some stretching in while doing the work - I told myself it was like yoga - I got to meditate on my reading - I thought about the kids activities and creations as I cleaned around them - and some of the things I was grateful for in my house - I made a conscious effort to not cut corners because I gave myself permission to only do what I could at that moment, and do it well - and it was amazing! I got it all done stress free and it was a job I was proud of.
I decided to call it exercise from that point on - instead of cleaning. Cleaning sent a bad vibe up my back due to my mother.
It was a great lesson early on for me, hands on which I like - in seeing the power of changing my attitude - the only thing I really have the power to change. The serenity prayer holds the key for me: Courage to change the things I can: ME
I couldn't change the amount of cleaning to be done, or the house at that moment... but I could change my thinking. I could make healthier choices for myself. I could not have done this alone. My own thinking would be self defeating. Hanging out with other recovering folks and others thinking - allowed me to use ideas and thoughts that could help me shuck off old survival thinking that didn't work for me anymore.
From that point on, I realized I could approach recovery, and anything like I had the house and I would be pleased with the results. One thing at a time. Just the thing in front of me. Do the best I can so I can feel good about me -Right. Now. This is how an all loving Higher Parent/Power would want to see me treat me. With love, gentleness, patience and kindness... I could push myself, but not push myself so hard I feel like I can't do it and why try. When I do this, and treat me like the God of my understanding would wish for me, I become confident, have self worth, self esteem, integrity etc - and this makes me most useful to others. Good me = useful person to God.
In my personal journey, the goal was transformed from wanting survive - to wanting to thrive. When I am thriving, I am a worker for my Higher Power. The only way I can be a thriving worker is to focus on becoming the best me first - and guiding the choices I make for myself with love, kindness and the gentle embrace that an all loving parent would provide. I am responsible to do this for myself... but in doing so, I find I'm not alone at all. God is always with me, and I get to find the truth in who I am with Him.
*Let it be the God of your understanding*
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Yes. This post speaks to me. Upon getting sober, once I could see beyond the immediate physical aspects of recovery, that is, I embarked upon a 'perfection project' (I even titled the entry in my journal as such...) . I thought "great! Now I can focus on fixing everything that's wrong and become as perfect as I can be!!!!". Although at the time I did recognize this faulty and very unhealthy reasoning , I went ahead anyway and quickly became unhappy and disappointed with myself on a daily basis. It did take me a bit of time to truly absorb the beauty of one thing at a time and meeting the challenges of life , and of myself, with grace and patience, and gratitude- still a daily reminder is often neccessary. Great post.
I was told I would have to change everything but my name .
I came to AA in 1989 to quit drinking.
I went to my Home Group meeting tonight for the Promises (I'm quite amazed lately so I must be getting close to half way through)
I also went tonight to meet up with a new guy who called me Tuesday evening to ask me to be his sponsor. AA has given me so much that others want a piece of it !!
- I felt like I could just crawl in a hole and not do it. I remembered what the program taught me, what YOU taught me: Do just the thing in front of you. Focus on the moment.