"Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. Give freely of what you find "
AA Big Book, pg 164
I used to think to myself that I wished I had enough time, enough inclination, compassion to help other people. I was hearing and reading about all these people who devoted so much of their lives to helping make the world a better place by doing good things for others. My grandmother devoted alot of her life to helping others. She was in quite a few civic organizations. My mom and dad were in different organizations, especially my dad--before his drinking increased. It seemed like every club or group I joined, I quit. Someone would "say" something I took the wrong way or even "look" at me the "wrong" way, and my insecurities got the better of me and I would just up and quit. It was as if the need to protect myself from getting hurt exceeded my desire to help others. Even when I became a heavy drinker and relied on 15, 20 and more drinks or more to get through the day, I remember having fleeting thoughts that it was a real shame that my life had become a total waste and even in my altered mental state of inebriation, I felt remorse that I had allowed myself to live my life without contributing much of anything to this world except by lining the pockets of the businesses which sell alcohol. I was a drunken mess and a good-for-nothing in my mind. I couldn't even help myself, how could I possibly help others?
Thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous. It saved my life. It is by attending AA meetings on a regular basis and listening to shares of others who felt like they too were "drunken good-for-nothing messes" who were able to stop drinking, get a sponsor, work the steps and change their lives, which helped me develop an attitude that if they could do it so could I. It took me a while to work the program. The doubts and insecurities I had about myself overrode the urgency to do these things. I am just glad that I finally did get a sponsor and am working the steps. I can feel the biggest difference in my life. At the last meeting with my sponsor he read the 9th Step Promises. Now this has been read almost at every meeting I have attended since I started AA. It was different when my sponsor read these words to me in our meeting. I really "felt" them this time and got a bit emotional. I remember thinking I have already been receiving these promises and my life has already gotten so much better--you mean there's more???-- and that thought overwhelmed me. It feels great caring and wanting to help other alcoholics and this pity party I have had for myself for so many years has finally ended I believe. I do ask God in my morning prayers to help guide me so I can help another alcoholic as well as others in need. It feels good to give back what has been given to me. I am very grateful for this and I no longer feel like a drunken mess and good-for-nothing.
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 2nd of April 2014 09:05:42 AM
The Promises we see in the Big Book are really only a small fraction of the whole thing. There are also Promises all through the entire book at every Step -- the whole book is filled with Promises. What you're feeling and experiencing right now is just a tiny little taste of what happens when we seriously work all the 12 Steps. You're feeling these things for one simple reason: You're walking toward God.
