Hi Tasha,

What a thought-provoking post!  I like it.  I guess I hadn't thought of it that way until you brought this up, but all my sponsorees have "honored" me countless times by displaying their emotions, and revealing their inner-most thoughts, their fears, and their hidden secrets.  They obviously feel safe and comfortable enough with me to be able to do those things with me.  You're right.  It's a great honor to be a "safe harbor" for them.

Blessings, Mike D.

I wish I could say I never talk crap or gossip or complain - I know I do it less and I'm more aware now when I do. It is down from like doing those things 80 percent of the day to like 5 lol. But seriously, that's progress no? As far as what others think of me...That saying only holds true for people I shouldn't and don't care about. I care what my partner, family, bosses, some coworkers think of me. But these days, for those I care about, I have to inventory if something negative perceived is in my hula hoop or theirs (on my side of the street or theirs). I also have to remind myself "Why do I care what this person thinks?" And that will be the reminder of whether or not I care enough to let that persons and/or their opinion rent space in my head. So I do that a lot more these days instead of automatically flipping into martyr king/baby mode and thinking "What how can that person (who I shouldn't give two craps about) think anything but that I am awesome and perfect!!!! How dare they!!!" I used to toss away my serenity over such things much quicker. Still not perfect of course but again, progress....

I have always been sensitive to gossiping about me. I almost talked myself into quitting AA earlier in my sobriety because someone had twisted something which was my own experience and shared about "me" to them and then someone else got mad at me because what they heard was not what I said. I posted that experience on this board very early in my sobriety and had some great responses which helped me get through it and deal with it in a constructive manner instead of a negative one. I had to learn how to keep my side of the street clean and tell myself what others say or think about me is none of my business. (Still working on that). My main focus is on my sobriety and becoming the kind of person my HP wants me to be. As long as I focus on that I know I will be alright. Being in AA and learning these lessons has also made me aware that I need to watch what and how I say things and even what I am thinking about another person. If it is not complimentary, positive and true and comes from a place of love, then I look at that as me having character defects and ask God for their removal. I guess the reason people gossip is that they are dealing with insecurities in their own life and have the need to put others down who they don't care for or possibly are jealous/envious of for one reason or another. That is their business. Now I am not as sensitive about those gossiping about me to others. (Again, still working on that however so much better than I was.)  I am more sensitive about others gossiping about others to me.  I try to be aware of its presence when it is taking place and walk away from it without fear of that gossiper getting upset or thinking ill of me. I just don't have time to listen to nonsense and will pray for that person.

Another thing I keep in mind is what is the motivation of someone who has the need and desire to come and share with me something someone else said about me. What good is it doing me by that person carrying this information and is the information even accurate? I need to be able to let them know I am really not interested in hearing it and add the "sharer" to my prayer list as well. I also am trying to keep in mind that people who know me and love me are not going to pay too much attention to idle gossip about me.
Great post, Tasha!

BTY

-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 2nd of April 2014 07:46:39 AM

When others  "talk sh*t" about me I figure it's envy lol. How's it going Tomas? Still in Samoa?

-- Edited by StPeteDean on Wednesday 2nd of April 2014 08:15:09 PM

False pride was a killer for me - thank you Tomas. I am letting go and validating on deeds and working for God now... achieving healthy pride. Letting others find their path and looking at the growth opportunities involved in conflict. My biggest growth opportunities arise during the challenges in life... I am grateful for them today. I am glad I want to be here for them today. xxoxoxoxoxooo