"The people who are the angriest are the people who are the most afraid."
It took me a long time to make the connection between my anger and my fear. For years I drowned my fear in alcohol and drugs, and lived pretty detached from my feelings. Those times when I couldn't use, or any extended periods of abstinence, usually left me feeling agitated, edgy, longing for and needing a drink or a drug. I lived for the instant calm and sense of ease my addiction provided me with.
When I entered the program, I was unprepared for the shock of emotions that would grab me and try to pull me apart. Chief among these were my feelings of dread and fear, which manifested themselves as first anger, and then rage. It wasn't until I completed my fear inventory that I began to understand that the reason I was so angry was because I was so full of fear!
One of the gifts of my recovery today is that I am now quick to trace any discomfort, agitation or anger back to fear. If I'm complaining about a line being too long, or someone driving too slow, or if I'm angry at my boss or spouse, I stop and ask myself what I'm afraid of. When the answer comes, as it always does, I use the tools I've developed in the program to deal with it.
Today I have empathy for people who are angry because I know they are really just people who are afraid.
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Copyright @ 2014 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yep..that'd be me as far as the fear and drinking. "Fear" is on my character defects list and I am praying daily for its removal. I have had so much fear all of my life and the list of me fears is so long. Probably my biggest fear is being so "fearful".
Great posting!
This is so spot on for me....I never made the connection with anger and fear till I got into AA. I spent some time while doing my fifth step with my sponsor talking about this .....Amazing how riddled with fear I was. I love how Bill describes fear in the Big Book....
This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it.
BB pg 67
And I especially liked this part of the quote Pappy...
One of the gifts of my recovery today is that I am now quick to trace any discomfort, agitation or anger back to fear. If I'm complaining about a line being too long, or someone driving too slow, or if I'm angry at my boss or spouse, I stop and ask myself what I'm afraid of. When the answer comes, as it always does, I use the tools I've developed in the program to deal with it.
What tools would those be?...Steps 10, 11 and 12 come to mind.
Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
BB pg 84
Notice it's...When these crop up...Not...If these crop up.
Thanks for sharing these Pappy.....Good stuff.
-- Edited by Stepchild on Tuesday 1st of April 2014 10:27:05 PM
