There are some days when I say, "What program?" "God who?"
Last week my business website was hacked, my site was taken down, and my account was suspended. For hours, while I lost revenue and customers, I pleaded, begged and threatened my hosting company's technical support. For the most part I was polite and professional, but I was cursing under my breath, anxious and pissed off. After it was all over, I was a wreck. Later that evening I wondered why I hadn't brought God into it and why I hadn't worked my program.
What I realized is that fear is still the chief activator of my character defects, and prime among them is fear of losing something I have or of not getting what I demand. As I furiously instant messaged and emailed their support, I saw eight years of work go down the drain, felt the pain of starting over and grew increasingly resentful. Thankfully everything was resolved in a few hours, but for a while I was alone and spiritually vulnerable.
As I reflect back on the experience, I'm amazed by how quickly I can abandon my program when I'm in fear. I completely understand when I hear of people who pick up a drink after 20 years and can't explain why. I know that alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful, and I'm constantly reminded that I must remain vigilant.
Because even after all my time in recovery, there are some days when I say, "What program?" "God who?"
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Copyright @ 2014 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'