Was having a rough day yesterday....turned out all is well with Mom and what Pappy and others say about worrying and worrying about things that never happened is true especially in my case. Went out on the back porch to smoke my cig and looked down and there was sheet rock and a bunch of other things laying on the ground below (we are on the second floor of our aptmt bldg). The landlord has had contractors working next door getting the apartment ready prob. for more drunks to move in. (Sorry, just being honest about my concern as the ones below drink like fish and that is how my mind thinks--the worst sometimes and I am not looking forward to the possibility of a bunch of college kids partying and drinking on the porch). Been listening to banging, sawing, drilling, etc. for last several weeks. I've had resentments toward my landlord because of it although I know deep down that is ridiculous of me...it's his property and his right.
Anyway, in all that mess the contractors were throwing over the rail, lay our air conditioner. The landlord had said we could use the area on the back porch next door for some of our things since no one was living there. I thought that was really nice of them that they carried it downstairs instead of knocking on the door to ask us to move it. Then I noticed the vent laying away from the rest of it, and then I saw the huge dent in it. They had thrown it over the rail with the rest of the things. That was yesterday and I am still upset about it. One of the contractors told me that he was taking orders from the landlord (I didn't even bring it up to him and wondered why he said that out of the blue unless he KNEW the stuff was ours and possibly maybe my mouth was hanging open when I noticed it .) Well, I ran in there and told my bf, like a school age tattle-teller and my bf came out and asked him if we needed to move the grill and he said no. My bf isn't mad at all. He said what is done is done. That makes me more resentful. (It will be interesting to see if he is still ok about it when it is 90 degrees in this place.) His non-anger made me angrier.
Anyway, working on my fourth step before long is hopefully going to help me with this kind of thing as I am totally po'd at all of them over there right now and it is very hard for me to even smile at them when I see them, however, I don't think my HP wants me to be as rude as I would like to be, so I'm trying to fake it. I am going to add this one to my resentment list. It is funny when I was working on my fourth step yesterday I didn't even think of writing this down on my list. I also have to remember to say the Serenity Prayer ("God grant me to accept the things I cannot change....") every time I find anger and resentment creeping into my mind. I keep seeing that air conditioner laying down there with that huge dent in it. One day I will hopefully laugh about this. Not now, because I am way too busy being resentful about it and there is some part of me I have to wonder if I enjoy that feeling.
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 12th of March 2014 08:29:40 AM
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 12th of March 2014 08:32:15 AM
I'm trying hard not to laugh BTY ... I've gone through similar situations ... and have had the same reactions that you've expressed too ... I must ask a question or two to see if you did the same thing I did ...did you know the contractors were actively renovating the apartment ??? ... did you know they were discarding things that were no longer to remain in the apartment ??? ... and lastly, if your stuff was taking up the space they were cleaning up, was it clearly marked, 'DO NOT THROW AWAY!' - 'this belongs to the next door neighbors' ... ???
I have stored stuff before with the kindness of others ... I did not mark the stuff, and the stuff either got thrown away OR they believed it was theirs after a long enough period of time had passed ... I was 'pissed' to put it mildly ... but today, I KNOW now that I was ultimately responsible for the outcome in this case ... just say'n, I had to put on a different pair of glasses to see where I was at fault, not them ...
Keep say'n the 'Serenity Prayer' and start meaning it ... ... ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I knew that they were renovating next door. This is first time they started taking anything out of there to get rid of. Our things were out on back porch. It didn't occur to either of us to write on it.....now I know and thanks for telling me that.
Go ahead and laugh, might as well get something out of it and laughing is good.
Go smoke a cigarette and be thankful for all the stuff you have that hasn't been thrown away by someone else ... Some lessons are hard to learn and can be painful ... and this is a fact of life ...
Sorry about the 'laugh' comment above, it's just that I have learned to laugh at some of the stupid things I have done ... I wasn't laugh 'at' you ... hope I didn't offend you ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I cant say im laughin, but I do have a smile on my face.good ole flashbacks.lived in a mobile home park when I get into recovery. owner of the park was havin work done on the place next to mine."how dare the the landlord get work done on HIS property and let it be done without consulting with ME and letting ME tell him how it should be done! how dare it be done when I don't want it being done!" called my sponsor about it.'pick up yer big book and start reading at page 62." then hung up. that was some humble pie. glad im able to smile about the learning experience today,though!
-- Edited by tomsteve on Wednesday 12th of March 2014 12:03:56 PM
....and the biggest thing that has been "thrown away" which really does matter was done by me and that is when I threw away years of my life by my drinking and hurt not only me, but others. And now that I'm sober, I'm trying to pick up all those pieces and put them back together again knowing some of them will always be missing.
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 12th of March 2014 12:17:25 PM
Just to add another perspective here - Although 'acceptance is the key', it's also perfectly okay for us to speak up when we feel that there's a reason to, - IF - we can do it with the right motives, and the right attitude, and with the kind of actions that won't leave us with another amends we'll need to make later.
Like maybe contact the landlord and thank him again for letting you store your air conditioner on the vacant porch, but explain to him that your air conditioner was just thrown out along with the construction debris. You realize this was just some kind of honest mistake, and that these things happen sometimes, but you did have permission to store it there and you'd like to se what can be done about it now. Maybe the landlord will take responsibility, maybe he'll require the construction crew to address this, maybe you'll just get an apology, or maybe he'll try to wiggle out of it and try to blame you. But hey, at least you asked. All you can control is your own actions. Whatever the result, we just keep our own side of the street clean so we don't have any regrets about our own words or actions and we still feel good about ourselves and don't feel like taking a drink.
When I reached that milestone that Dave is talking about I realized that it was also part of my recovery and necessary to remove myself from self resentment for not speaking up for myself and now I could and then how could I and would I and should I do that. "Courage...to change the things I can". Love and acceptance with compassion and empathy (what the hell are those?) Learning how to communicate and participate in the process and tons of stuff more. An event like this for me became "a test...this is only a test" for which I am always grateful now. It now wasn't about my drinking...it was about my thinking...the how do I see the picture now or as my sponsor taught me, "the better perspective that supports my recovery". Glad you shared this now cause it also is a part of my life on a daily basis. Throw the resentment away with the a/c cause it is certainly better in the trash. "God list can now contain another A/C". ((((hugs))))
....and the biggest thing that has been "thrown away" which really does matter was done by me and that is when I threw away years of my life by my drinking and hurt not only me, but others. And now that I'm sober, I'm trying to pick up all those pieces and put them back together again knowing some of them will always be missing.
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 12th of March 2014 12:17:25 PM
Now this post shows a great deal of wisdom from growth in the program of AA ... I like they way you expressed your thoughts here ... AND, you've hit on the one thing that troubled me most during early recovery, for me ... the very truth and fact that I 'wasted' sooooo many years, literally, when I could have been something far greater than I am ... the 'what ifs' nearly got me into a depression I couldn't recover from ... but with caring, loving, helping hands from those in AA, I worked my way through it, without drinking this time ...
Today I have more than I deserve or need ... and to God and folks like you guys, I am grateful ... after all, it's just 'stuff' ... as long as I have food, shelter, and clothing, 'love' is all I truly need to be happy ... and the more I learn to give that away, the more I get back in return ... amazing, huh? ...
John F, here on this board just got back his old BMW from being stolen at a meeting ... just to have a wreck and destroy his cherished little car ... all he was thinking about was the gratitude that he and Violet had survived, that they were alive ... nothing else mattered ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
my, my, my... when its me that something is happening to... or to my "stuff".. I can tend to personalize it. But in reality... I must ask myself, would I wish this happened to someone else? Does the other party really care who the target was of their deed? Do I really believe they would have handled themselves differently if it was someone else or someone else's "stuff'?
See, what I discovered is simple. I can respond to things as though it is a disaster on the global scale, let myself get so wacked about it, you would really think that whatever the situation, it has the ability to change the BIG picture of my life experience, and nothing will ever be the same again! Then all the crap that goes through my head... gawh... stinkin' thinkin' at its finest...."you can't trust Anyone!".... Everything I try to do is always waste of my time!".... "I'll Never be able to...." No one Ever appreciates what I was trying to do!!"... And, on and on and on...
In the end, what have I sold that moment in time for? What have I given up of my day, my attitude, my spiritual light, my freedom, my gratitude for? Was the price right? Did I really get enough to forsake these things? I surely can remember a time in history that I sold a day of my life for pretty darn cheap. Someone cutting me off in traffic or taking a parking space I was sitting there waiting on... and I would let go of my freedom of the bondage of self for the next several hours, when it what actually happened, didn't really change but a few moments in time... By gawh, I had to slow down for a darn minute, or find another parking spot because of that "A-hole" and it took all of 3 minutes of my almighty time!"... In either situation, how much did I give up of my life experience to indulge in anger, resentment, or retaliatory thoughts? Did this person cutting me off in traffic, and/or taking MY parking spot, really do anything worth what I subject myself to? I mean.. Walmart will still have some toilet paper and paper towels on its shelves when I finally get in there, right?? The price of Hamburger Helper is not going to go up so much in that 3 minute time slot of my life that it goes outside my economic reach, ya think?? LOL Now, why am I reacting to this situation as though my getting inside Walmart so fast, is so darn important that you would think I am there to defuse a nuclear bomb planted by a national terrorist??
Actual case in point; I recently watched someone save money to be able to pay off some court cost and DMV to get their drivers license back. When they called the clerks office in another county to find out where to send their money to, they were told that their figure was wrong. They were still 180.00 dollars short of what it would take to resolve the situation. I watched this person respond to the clerk on the phone, and strike out at the person sitting closest to them (Me) as though they had been wrongfully convicted of a felony that had a death penalty attached to it! I watched this person give up a day of their life to anger, fear, resentment.. and all those goodies that come with stinkin' thinkin'. Their life was doomed, they would never get their drivers licence back! They might as well just go turn themselves into the jail and do time to pay it off, they would never get the other 180.00, "them "f'er's" arn't getting another dime out of me!!" And then I watched them isolate themselves into a bedroom feeling so defeated and letting depression kick their ass for the next 2 days. Now, to me, they sold two days of their life experience for a 180.00 disappointment. During that same two days, they could have made enough money to make up the difference. Or even better, they could have asked for and accepted help from me to meet the situation, instead they isolated their self from the person that was willing to help them. Now, I don't know about anyone else, but a day in my life experience is worth a lot more than 180.00. I am not willing to sell myself out so cheap in sobriety.
How much are you willing to sell a day of your life experience for? Is it a high enough price?
"Then all the crap that goes through my head... gawh... stinkin' thinkin' at its finest...."you can't trust Anyone!".... Everything I try to do is always waste of my time!".... "I'll Never be able to...." No one Ever appreciates what I was trying to do!!"... And, on and on and on... "
I've found my long-lost brother!!!! (((((JOHN!!!))))) It's a small world after all!
your sister,
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Thursday 13th of March 2014 08:51:50 AM
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Thursday 13th of March 2014 08:52:44 AM
