I haven't posted in a while but today I am feeling pretty down. Things have been going great so far in my sobriety. I go to meetings everyday, meet with my sponsor, have a good network, am working the steps the best I can, and pray to my higher power each day. Things have just been going in a great direction and to top it off, my wife is pregnant with our second. This is where my heart is breaking today, she's been having complications and at today's appt, we were told the outlook is not good. I was so excited for another child, though I didn't let myself get overly excited as there were some things to be a little concerned about.
I am trying to tell myself that I need to accept the things I cannot change, and whatever God's will is, I must accept it. What I can do is be a supportive husband and be there for my wife. That is the gift of AA. If i were drinking right now, I would make all my wife's sadness sooo much worse, and it would be all about me, and how I feel. Today, she's more important and I have control over my emotions and actions.
Though the chances are high this is not going to work out, there is some hope. For now i'll hold onto that hope and not let myself run through the what ifs. I will not say that this is too much, I give up, sobriety isn't worth this, I don't want to feel. I have much to be great full for, and I will continue to remember that. The first drink takes it all away.
Tonight I get my 4 month chip, though I'm in a solemn mood, I will keep focused on my sobriety and push forward.
(((((dwilling)))))) You are doing so well and congrats on 4 months. That's great. I am sorry that you and your wife are going through what should be a happy event with some amount of sadness and worry. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It sounds like your determination to stay sober no matter what trials you face is strong. I am learning from you. Please keep us posted to let us know how you both are doing. BTY
