Chikky.... You are not done. Please don't think that. I felt the same way. What's going on? Please share more so that we can help you. Although you may not realize it now, it sounds like you are begging for help. BTY
I came into AA with about the same request...When I said I was done....I meant alcohol had beat me. There was no way left for me to go on....But to accept what had worked for so many others. I got busy. Meetings...Finding a sponsor....Studying the book...And doing what was suggested. My only other option was to let this disease kill me. There is a solution to this problem....And AA is it. Welcome...You can have a new life....And we'll help you find it. I found one.
I want a drink so bad. I am at the end if my rope. Do not know what to do. I am so full of fear that I can not think. I pray and pray. Today it is minute by minute to hold on. I am stuck and do not know how to fix it.
You have made it past the one year mark, today is not different except in your mind ... ... ... How did you stay sober for a whole year ??? ... ... ... You've been to enough meetings to see what happens when you take that first drink ... and you know well that it will not do anything but make your situation worse, a whole lot worse ...
Call your sponsor and a couple others in the program and go to a meeting ... get your 'thinking' back on track ... I know you've gone through some troubles lately, but not nearly like those poor people in Moore Okla yesterday ... A lot of families lost their own kids when that school collapsed during the storm ... A lot of people have problems and you're no different ... One of our good friends here on this board, last year went back out to try some more drinking ... the next morning she was found dead with a couple empty bottles with her ...
This disease is fatal ... and you have the solution laying in your lap ... now get up and find something to do, make some calls, and go to a meeting ...
__________________
"Life offers no guarantees ... just choices; no certainty ... but consequences; no predictable outcomes ... just the privilege of pursuit." -Tim Conner
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
!