I need help. I have been sober 20 years but right at this moment I don't want to feel anything. My dog was killed right in front of my eyes by a pit-bull and every time I close my eyes that is all I see. I just want to stop seeing it happen over and over again. I know some will think me weak but it was just the most awful thing I have ever witnessed and I don't know how to make it stop.
Good morning, Dawna and welcome to the MIP board. I am so sorry that you have been through such a tragic thing! I know that must have been extremely heart-wrenching for you and cannot imagine the horror of going through something like that. I don't think you are weak at all. I think what you are going through is very human. I too would probably have trouble not replaying that image in my mind over and over. All I can do is make a couple of suggestions which may or may not help you in an effort to alleviate some of the pain. If it were me, each morning after awakening, I would say a prayer to my Higher Power to help me deal with what I saw and help take away my heartache. I would ask that images and memories of my dog being alive replace those I am currently having. Happy times my dog was alive and times we shared with one another. I haven't gotten down on my knees so far to pray to my HP, who is God. However, I know this would be the thing where I would probably need to do so. I would thank my HP for bringing this beloved pet into my life and giving me the opportunity to know my dear friend. I would ask for strength to get through each day and for Him to be with me during the day. I would ask what i said above and close the prayer with thanking my HP for releasing the pain and try to have the expectations that not "if" this would happen, that it would happen. You have been sober for 20 years. That is a huge accomplishment and I admire your courage and strength which you had to have in order to reach where you are without drinking. You didn't mention in your posting if you were worried about drinking again because of what you are going through now. I will add, if it were me I might have this fear. I would add in my prayers thanks and gratitude to my HP (which you may already do) for keeping me sober "yesterday" and ask Him to please keep me sober "today". I hope something I said helps you. If you need someone to talk to and want to send me a Private Message, please do so.I will be out later this am but will be back this afternoon and check back on this board to see how you are doing. I hope you post again, as not only me, but others will be concerned about you. We care. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Take care. BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Sunday 9th of March 2014 07:34:00 AM
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Sunday 9th of March 2014 07:37:15 AM
To experience loss...with a pet... that is a part of us.. is tragic..and painfull..
Fifteen years ago...I had a beautiful golden collie..
I was about to take her to the vets to get her regular shots...
She was on the front porch..and I was inside getting ready to go..when I heard a whine at the door..
Upon opening it...? I found my dog had went into the road..had been hit by a truck...and had dragged herself across the front lawn and back to the door..with 3 legs..and blood everywhere..
I wrapped her in a blanket and rushed her to the vets..
Too late..They had to put her down..
That painful memory...I still carry with me today...
That is a very traumatic thing to witness. I have been on both ends as I have seen my dog kill another and seen my dog killed.
When I am shaken to my core I try to go back to basics as quickly as possible as my ability to make a good decision has left me.
I do Step 1 and then get myself to a meeting. I pray and talk to my sponsor and the oldtimers. I am reminded that "this too shall pass". I try to remember the 3 Pertinent ideas.
Don't drink and get to a meeting(s). When I am wounded I need the comfort of another alcoholic.
Welcome to MIP Dawna, ... I too, am sorry for your loss and more than that, that you witnessed the horror ... we come to love our dear pets as much as, if not more, than most humans ... 'cause they 'love' unconditionally, rarely complain, and their main goal in their life is to give pleasure and companionship to others ... they often like to cuddle and the kisses they give are from the heart ... they mourn being away from their master and can show more emotions than many humans ... and I cannot help but think of what you get when you spell dog backwards ...
No matter the tragedies we've gone through, nor the ones to come, there's NOTH'N that a drink or a drug will do but makes things worse, you know that ... go to some meetings, bring it up as a topic of discussion, listen, share ... there is a 'time to mourn' and a 'time to recover' and a 'time to love anew' ... when you are able to pull yourself back together, go get a puppy ... and this new life will take on new meaning and a new chapter in your journey will begin ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm so sorry you had to go through this and continue to face the ongoing pain. I'll say prayers for you, Dawna. May God bless you and ease your mind and spirit. Mike D.
I just couldn't discount or diminish the emotions and thoughts you are going thru. I would make an appointment with my psy counselor quickly. I don't do PTSD well either. Often times I need a sleep aid to get contiguous hours of sleep rather than upping and downing all night and then being "drunk and hungover" from the trauma of not sleeping well. Meditation works for me also while practicing the slogans. I don't like the picture of seeing your dog killed by a pit bull either. Try Doctor Paul's message on acceptance on page 439 of the 3rd Edition of the Big Book. If you have 20 years you ought to have that edition. (((((hugs)))))
That is really tragic Dawna. I hope you are able to talk about it in meetings and to your sober network. That is a serious traumatic incident and I back what Jerry said about seing a counselor about it. I complain to my therapist about far less traumatizing things. Go easy on yourself but get help so you don't put your sobriety at risk. Prayers for you!!!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Dawna,
I am sorry if it came across that I was suggesting that you discount or diminish normal and painful emotions which you are feeling about your dog. That sounds like I am insensitive and I am alot of things however that is not one of them, being an animal lover myself and having had many pets throughout my life. I too started to suggest that you should see a therapist to help you deal with your experience; however, knowing that seeing one immediately is not usually possible, and since you came here I wanted to help. Especially, if there was a possiibility about you taking a drink over this, I thought that maybe trying to pray to your HP to help you get through it would help you.
I hope that you are doing better.
((((((Dawna))))))))
