uncomfortable meeting places

notsurewhattodo · Newbie

uncomfortable meeting places

2granddaughters · Senior Member

Welcome!

I don't know where you live but I'm sure there are other women in your area that attend AA meetings regularly.

Call the AA number in the telephone book and ask where the meetings are.

Get together with the other girls and go to meetings together. Being unsafe is one thing, feeling unsafe is another.

I always found a way to fill my need for drink .. I can find a way to fill my need for sobriety.

All the best.

Bob R

notsurewhattodo · Newbie

Thank you 2grandaughters for your response!

I would say having people in the meeting recommend they walk you to and from your car is a safety issue in both feeling and fact. And I would like to clarify that Im looking for sobriety...not a reason to drink

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP nswtd ... glad you found us ... I think I understand why you're concerned ... it would certainly 'take away' from the AA experience to go through what you described ...

Try going to this site to find additional meetings in your area ... hope this helps ... :

http://www.aa.org/lang/en/central_offices.cfm?origpage=373

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Welcome, notsurewhattodo!
I love your posting name. I think a lot of us are "not sure what to do" when we first decide to take the life changing step to get and stay sober.

I am sorry that you are experiencing that kind of thing in the meetings you are attending. There should be some others which you feel more comfortable attending and Pappy has given you a good source to help you. Also, I might add, it sounds like there is some 13th Stepping going on with the men in the meetings. There is quite a bit posted on the internet about that kind of behavior so you may want to do a little research on it. (We are only supposed to have 12 steps in AA, however, which is the point--this is a thing which is not supposed to happen, but unfortunately does.) I even had that kind of thing happen to me and I am in my 50's! As long as you are aware of it, you will be fine. After you have been in AA for awhile, attending meetings and keep sobriety as your main focus that will fade. Anyone who has been in AA any length of time--men and women--know that it is inappropriate to make advances towards newcomers, who are very vulnerable during this period of time in their recovery. And this has happened in almost every meeting I have attended. I don't mean to badmouth another AA'er. Remember we are all sick and unfortunately as they say in AA, some of us are sicker than others. In the meantime, and especially since there are warnings made before the meetings you attend and the fact that you feel unsafe there, I would definatly not go to them anymore. I had to stop attending a meeting place a while back. I truly loved going there, but ran into that kind of thing as well as other things which made me feel unsafe. It is hard to focus on what is going on during the meeting if you are sitting there wondering if something bad is going to happen to you and you cannot even walk to your car after the meeting without an escort.

I hope that you will come post and let us know how you are doing. This is a great board and has been a major part of my sobriety. Without it, I am not sure I would still be sober. Lots of love here, as well as experience, and coming here is like another meeting for me.
You take care and hope to hear from you soon.

BTY

-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Tuesday 4th of March 2014 08:49:10 PM

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

Just a thought on relating to people. What you are talking about is a classic mistake made in AA meetings. People talking about the problem all the time, rather than the solution. I'm not surprised it is difficult to relate.

The thing is we have a common problem - alcoholism, and a common solution - the 12 steps, a spiritual program of action, but we have very different stories.

The secret is to look for the similarities. Rather than looking at the different things they did, look at how they felt, look at how they drank, look at the loss of control, the obsession, the phenomenon of craving, the spiritual malady, the lonliness, the inability to stop drinking. These are things we all have in common.

Then look for those who are talking about the solution. Listen to what they did to recover from this seemingly hopeless state.

God bless,
MikeH.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

I knew there was something else I wanted to say here and just couldn't remember what it was ... MikeH just hit the nail on the head ... He shared exactly what I wanted to add to my post here ...

Thanks Fyne Spirit, love ya and God Bless,
Pappy

tomsteve · Senior Member

feeling unsafe is not good. good suggestions for that.
HOWEVER, you may want to stop relating to the homeless,jobless, in jail or on probation thing and start relating to the thinking thing. im sure when ya do that you will find them folks that have been homeless,jobless,in jail and on probation just may have the same thinking.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Great posts and I keep learning from you guys....

I overlooked or was too tired for the OP's wording to sink in entirely. I just focused on the "harrassment" and safety issues.
After reading the other responses, I will add that I have been to quite a few meetings. Not nearly as many as others on here. I have been to meetings in what would be considered "unsafe" and in meetings that are in higher end areas. Before I left my husband we weren't "loaded" but we were comfortable. After I left I almost became homeless, was on probation, in and out of jail twice. I never even had gotten a speeding ticket before. I've done other things I am not proud of and probably will never post here. So I feel like I fit right in with probably after listening to the shares, a great number of people there in that respect. I feel like I fit in completely, however, because I am an alcoholic just like everybody else in the rooms and that provides a very nice "comfort zone" for me. Although I may have been judgmental earlier in my sobriety, I just see other suffering alcoholics now when I go to the meetings. Whenever I share my story, I certainly hope what I went through doesn't cause someone to not want to come to the same meeting place I am going to. That would make me very sad, not for myself when it once probably would have, but for them. I love everyone and want us all to get better.

:love:

BTY

-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 5th of March 2014 08:20:53 PM

-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 5th of March 2014 08:21:26 PM

John · Admin

I once went to help a heart surgeon who had called about trying to get sober. He was in a 4 million dollar mansion, on a huge estate. After speaking to him for only a few moments, I realized he was as homeless at that moment in time as I had ever been while walking the streets. He had the most beautiful home, but couldn't comfortably live inside his own skin any more. If that is not the essence of "homelessness" I don't know what would be. He lived in a hidden world of alcoholism, his life was a very lonely place for he could not really share the totality of it with any one around him. He cried the tears that I have seen come from thousands of alcoholics... filled with hopelessness, a utterly diminished sense of self worth or value. At that moment in time he was living under the bridge mentally and emotionally, that many alcoholics come from literally.

Many alcoholics haven't been to prison or jail, but a great percentage of them hid and drank alcohol in their bathroom... you know what a jail cell has in it? A toilet. Alcoholism was holding both of them hostage.. be it in jail or a bathroom, they both were next to a toilet. That's where their drinking took them.

Maybe, just maybe, you haven't seen your own bridge that you were living under mentally and emotionally before coming through the doors of AA?

As for safety. It's a world with some very bad people in it. I would suggest that a woman leaving any place, even a walmart, or grocery store have someone walk them or at least watch them make it to their car safely. It's just good common sense to do the preventative things that keep people safe. Keep in mind that those who live in the solution, don't spend much time worrying about the problem and those who live by rules of safety and well being don't have to be full of fear.

John

PS. Meetings are held in almost every community or population of people there is. Meetings close to the hood, will have some thug looking folks, not highly educated, been locked up due to inability to pay for good lawyers. Meetings by hospitals, usually have a good number of people in them from the medical community, there are woman's meetings, men's meetings, gays meetings, meetings close to a gated community for the wealthy, will usually have a good number of wealthy, educated, career oriented folks.... now what I find really neat is that when they meet at a meeting, this mix of people don't much care about my economic status in life, or what I do for a living, or even where I live. What they care about is that I'm a alcoholic that is trying to stay sober for one more day and they are willing to help me do just that, by sharing their experience, strength and hope. Some of their stories I can't relate to, but when they speak of how they felt inside... I lived there too. Check around, I am willing to bet there is a group of people meeting for AA who are more along your line of folks. However, in the big picture... we're all just alcoholics, trying to get and stay sober. Hope you will stay around long enough to really get to know us.

-- Edited by John on Thursday 6th of March 2014 08:59:11 PM