Shit will happen...and we revert right back to our old thinking..
At 22 years sober?
I had the world by the ass..
I had raised 3 kids on my own for 13 years..
I was DCM over 32 groups..in the area...
Nice house...Good business..and Money in the bank..
I slacked off going to meetings..I slacked off working the program
I slacked off keeping in touch with AA members..and
I slacked off..Helping others..
One fine summer day...for no apparent reason..other then I thought that a nice country drive might be nice..on my own...and a 6 pack would be refreshing...IT STARTED..
Everything went ok for 2 years..
The second 2 years? I had to control it..or tried to
The third 2 years?
I had to have it..every day...to function...no choice...
In the end? I had a taxi van that was paid for..and 200 bucks in my pocket...That was all that was left..
I will go to my morning meeting this morning and participate as a recovering alcoholic and remaining founder. I will take prayers and thoughts with me of other alcoholics who are being oppressed by alcohol and the disease of alcoholism. I will go with Akua my Higher Power and let HP's creation surround me and remind me that we also are part of that creation and need to be sober to participate in it sober. There is no law that says I have to drink other than the law of the chemical and my addiction, my obsession and compulsion for it and that law is easily overturned by living the program. Mahalo Philipld for your generosity and caring.
Thanks for the post. As others have said, we have a daily reprieve based on our spiritual condition. I've been at this over three decades and my Higher Power hasn't seen fit to remove of a multitude of defects of character. That makes me a human being, which means I'll have to ask again tomorrow.
Thanks for your post Phillip. It's amazing how subtle it was. All the good reasons, all the experience of the previous 22 years, all that knowledge, all those memories... none of it came into your consciousness with sufficient force to save you.
It always makes me shudder when I hear these stories. I don't know why it happens, that's between you and your God, but I take notice.
I take notice by continuing to live in steps 10 through 12. I don't find it hard to do that, though I would have at one time. I know that I lost the power of choice in drink and I have never been given it back. I have no more choice to drink today, than I used to have not to drink. I have been tested many times and the thought of drinking has never occurred to me. The tenth step promises came true, the problem has been removed.
I no longer suffer from alcoholism. The craving, the obsession of the mind, the spiritual malady have all been gone for many years. The book promised that would be the case if I took those steps and continued to help others.
Something changed within me "a profound alteration in my reaction to life" perhaps. I could not and did not fix my self. I did not fix my character defects. Somehow I lost that selfish streak that would have made it difficult to help others. For some reason, I find it an absolute pleasure to work with others, to be at meetings. I was saying at a meeting the other day that I feel about AA like it is my family. I'm not there out of desperate need, I don't walk around in constant fear that today is the day I might pick up, I'm there because I love to be among my fellow alcoholics, I love to contribute, and be a part of their lives.
What I am trying to desrcibe is the massive change in personality that happened to me as the result of the steps. I behave and react completely differently and it comes naturally, it's not forced. A miracle is about the only way to describe it. My heaveny Father did not let me down.
Our program is about permanent recovery, about the joy of living sober. If we can learn from the experience of others, especially those who went before, if we can apply ourselves fully to the program, (not just take what we like and leave the rest), then we should not spend the rest of our lives in fear of alcohol. There is much more on offer than that.
