Struggling

RubyTues · MIP Old Timer

Struggling

Mike D · MIP Old Timer

Hi RT,

Sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. That sucks. Do you have any ideas as to why? Are there things you're doing, or not doing, that could cause you to feel this way? More details would help a lot, but I can only tell you that our actions have a direct impact on how we're feeling. What Step are you working right now? Let's talk.

Blessings, Mike D.

2granddaughters · Senior Member

We all struggle Ruby. You are an alcoholic with a sick mind ... so am I.

There is no cure, just a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.

A friend, a first nations lady, sent me the link to this video and I love it. I watch it often. www.youtube.com/watch

All the best.

Bob R

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Good Morning to you, Ruby Tues...
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I want you to know that you have really helped me as well as many others I am sure, with your postings. I have found you to be very encouraging and am inspired by you.
I have had those times too when I am very discouraged and have come to this board, like you did, and have been encouraged and more hopeful by the posters like Pappy, Mike D., and so many others. There are so many great people here and I feel not so all alone even during some days when I was thinking about drinking. At times I thought I would feel like I did for so long. Then, like someone posted to me last week about the better days to come and how I'd appreciate them so much more when they did come (not the exact wording, but I believe I got the message right). That happened the next day actually and boy, did I appreciate it! Not to diminish what you are going through, though. I am so glad that you came here for love and support. I hope that things get better soon for you.
Lots of

and ((((RubyTues))))) !!!!

BTY

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

RubyTues wrote:
I am in the middle of my program,

Hey RT....I'm curious what you mean by this. Fearless and thorough from the very start. Are you stuck somewhere?....Let's get unstuck.

Philipld · MIP Old Timer

The more meetings I go to?

The better I feel :)

Hugs

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Meetings help....But that's not how we get recovered. Those promises come after that ninth step for a reason.

tomsteve · Senior Member

we all can struggle. one thing that caught my attention:
" I am in the middle of my program."
are you working THE program or YOUR program?
MY program doesn't work very good.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Stepchild wrote:
RubyTues wrote:
I am in the middle of my program,
Hey RT....I'm curious what you mean by this. Fearless and thorough from the very start. Are you stuck somewhere?....Let's get unstuck.

There is nothing better than moving forward in your program to get out your funk. Get busy, there is no standing still in recovery, we're either getter healthier or sicker.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Been there and done that and one realization I kept in mind is that this is a program of progress...not perfection. Human Beings are not Gods and I learned in recovery that the proof often of how good a program I've got relies on "tests" My sponsor drilled it into my spirit "You get to tell how well it works after the tests". No I don't like or welcome tests and then come when they come. When they come what works best for me is the basics...the foundations...reaching out for help which is what you have done here...thanks for the verification. Listening, with an open mind which is also what you are doing here. Prayer and meditation. I don't plead anymore I pray and the difference for me is asking with faith and hope and assurances that my Higher Power always has been and still is with me. That is how I got here in the first place...I am assured and have faith it is that way still. "Admitted we were powerless" is the master key, keep that thought force and turn yourself over to God as you understand God and then the fellowship which will always come to your support as it has here. Thanks for the trust. This is a test...this is ONLY a test. (((hugs))) smile

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Hi RubyT ... ... ... You've been here a long while and you know the routine ... you know the steps to take ... and you know it takes action or nothing changes ... our 'daily reprieve' is contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition ... prayer and action brought about the promises I sought ... and that can work for anyone ...

Become the change you wish to see in your world ...

Love ya and God Bless,

Pappy

-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Sunday 23rd of February 2014 08:35:59 PM

RubyTues · MIP Old Timer

Thank you so much for the replies, all. I think it's a number of factors contributing: An extra amount of regular life stress going on right now, lack of step 11 'conscious contact', and a lack of forward momentum in the program. I feel like the first year was full of so many revelations and awakenings and feeling so good and I want that again! I keep sort of thinking that I'll get the opportunity to sponsor someone and that might help, but that opportunity hasn't arisen yet.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I have to ask you one question RT....It would be the same question I would ask a sponsor. Have you had a spiritual awakening as a result of those steps? You've honestly and thoroughly worked the first nine steps?

RubyTues · MIP Old Timer

Hi Stepchild - I did for sure. It was an amazing feeling. I guess I have to ensure I don't rest on the laurels of that.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I know for myself.....If I just follow what they laid out on pages 86 to 88 the best I can everyday...It works. These guys took the time to put down on paper what we need to do from the moment we wake up to when we go to sleep.....Give it a shot. Find a sponsee or help a newcomer out. Resting on our laurels doesn't cut it. They are pretty clear about that. You'll get out of it RT.....Sometimes life is just life.

RubyTues · MIP Old Timer

Thanks Stepchild. I'm going to bed now, I'll re-read 86-88.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Good night RT....You're doing great!

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

((((((RubyTues)))))))

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

RubyTues wrote:
Thank you so much for the replies, all. I think it's a number of factors contributing: An extra amount of regular life stress going on right now, lack of step 11 'conscious contact', and a lack of forward momentum in the program. I feel like the first year was full of so many revelations and awakenings and feeling so good and I want that again! I keep sort of thinking that I'll get the opportunity to sponsor someone and that might help, but that opportunity hasn't arisen yet.

Hey there RubyT, ... It was my experience that "regular life stress" was only around as long as I didn't turn things over to God in the a.m. ... ... ... with practice, I found that practicing what Stepdude said, I felt like I was in good hands all day long, and nothing could happen that I knew God wouldn't take care of OR that it was simply supposed to be that way ... this relieved the angst and worry that I was allowing myself to go through ... I found I didn't have to put myself through that ...

The feeling I got achieving the 1st nine steps is nothing short of a miracle ... and that same feeling can be experienced daily if I will only put emphasis on working the last 3 steps every day ...

For some reason, I'm compelled to post this:

Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a)	That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b)	That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c)	That God could and would if He were sought.

Love ya and God Bless,

Pappy

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

That is something you might want to make part of your daily reading for awhile RT....And practicing it. It is the practice of steps 10 and 11. There are two parts of that outline for living that stand out for me. The first....

What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

BB pg 87

One of the original members who helped get AA on it's feet described it as this...

"It becomes habitual."

Not a bad habit to have.

The second is how they talk about how we alcoholics are undesciplined....This is true.

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

It works - it really does.

We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined.

BB pgs 87 and 88

Have a good day RT.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Pretty much what Pappy just said.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Great postings that help me too.
(And I still laugh everytime I see Pappy posting "STEPDUDE" !
Cracks me up! I was engaged to this guy from Texas and he referred to guys as "dudes" a lot. Usually when he was po'd at someone....he would go "Hey Dude, etc.!" in an angry manner. Since then, I have always thought of "dude" as being a cowboy. So just now I looked it up and "dude" means: a city dweller unfamiliar with life on the range; especially : an Easterner in the West." I missed the mark on that one.

(Gotta get off this board and make some money...)

darn the work, darn the work

ya RubyTues...sorry about the hijacking of your post

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

How are you doing today RubyTues????

RubyTues · MIP Old Timer

I am thanks, BTY. I've got a nasty flu now unfortunately, but so it goes.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

I hope that you get over that soon, RubyTues. I know when I got the flu a short while back, everything was crappy for me. Not trying to minimize what you are going through, just sharing how it was for me.

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

Hi Ruby,
I hope that flu is getting better. Sometimes, when we are not well physically, it can test our spiritual condition a bit.

Something you said reminded me that I had a similar spell around 1 or 2 years sober. I recall that the first two years were amazing. All the big changes happened in that time and my life had improved out of site. Then the new improved state became kind of normal, a bit "ho hum" like 'I'm sober, now what? Perhaps I was craving a bit of excitement, maybe I was taking things for granted I don't know. But the solution remained the same, trying to live insteps ten, eleven and twelve. Staying in fit spiritual condition through self sacrifice and service to others, in other words, working with another drunk.

The excitement soon returned. Through involvement with others from the point of view of trying to help them, I got to see, on a regular basis, the lights come on in someone elses life. There is nothing like listening to someone else sharing about their 5th step and the effect it had on them, or seeing a piece of human wreckage grab hold of this program have their life turned around.. it's all in the book, and Bill's pamphlet on emotional sobriety where he concludes that "stability comes from giving, not receiving". It's like we get to relive our first couple of years through others and its just a great feeling to hear someone else describing exactly what happened to us.

God bless,
MikeH.