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Post Info TOPIC: How Do You Feel About Hugs?
betterthanyesterday52


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How Do You Feel About Hugs?
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I had a woman tell me at a meeting a couple of weeks ago that she didn't like to be hugged. This made me feel bad because I have hugged her some of the times I would see her at the meetings. I wish I had known sooner because I wouldn't have kept doing that and hate it that I made her feel uncomfortable. Now I am hesitant to hug anyone at the meetings because I wonder if someone else may hate hugs, too. Just curious to know what others think about hugging.



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pinkchip


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I wouldn't feel bad BTY - that's her problem and not yours. You can cease hugging her now. If people "hate hugs" that's on them to put that out there. I also don't run up to folks and smother them with hugs when their body language reads "stay the hell away" lol.

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Pythonpappy


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You cannot express your love without it (well, not as effectively, anyway ...) ... ... ... hugging is the very essence of showing you 'care' for the well-being of another person ...

I hug ... people can accept it or disdain it, not my problem ... maybe one day when they're older, they come to know what 'feelings' they've been missing by not inviting more hugs in life ... EVEN from complete strangers !!! ... (how is it much different than hugging your own child ? ...)


Virtual (((((HUGS))))) to all my brothers and sisters here ... and to those who visit but never speak ...

God Bless,
Pappy



-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 19th of February 2014 08:32:28 AM

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betterthanyesterday52


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You both made me feel SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Hip Hip Hooray I don't have to worry about this anymore!!!! And big HUGS to you both!!!!
Bring on the hugs!!!!


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2granddaughters


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I make myself available for hugs and if I am in doubt I just ask "Can I give you a hug?".

If in doubt, ask ... and if someone says they would rather not get/give a hug don't project that onto all the others.

We are such creatures of extreme. If one person turns down a hug then I'm ready to take my bat & ball and go home .. not want to play any-more.

We have so much to learn in so many departments. Awareness, balance and moderation elude me at literally every turn. I'm always learning.


All the best.

Bob

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Philipld


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Jerry F


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Yay Philipld for the demo!!  I haven't met too many people in recovery who resist hugs...like maybe 2 in 35 years.  If the body language says "No" either don't give one or ask if they want one.  I love giving and getting hugs because for me that is a huge demonstration of trust and the absense of fear (which is love)...4me.  I feel good about hugs da bear and  his buddies.   (((((hugs))))) smile



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betterthanyesterday52


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Awwwww....
I've posted b/4 on here that Winnie the Pooh was one of my favorite characters growing up!!! that pic!
Well, I should have known better...this person has always been reserved and moody (sorry I can be judgemental at times, too) and I thought by reaching out it would help her some. Now I know and I won't be as fearful to hug others who want to be hugged.

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RubyTues


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I usually ask 'are you a hugger?' because some people of course aren't.

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Zoomtopz


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I had a couple of 'bumper stickers' on my mobile home "old Inter".

"I don't trust people who don't hug" & "Normal people worry me"

used to get lots of hugs from complete strangers & lots of laughs from them .

as the rv was covered in stickers & folks used to love 'reading my rv'.

I usually Ask , or 'invite' in a 'body language' to people - Men & Women , gay or straight .

As , I know , a hug can be like a smile , to someone , who has not one to give . I knew a man ,

long before I got sober . he would disappear every now & then .we met , when he was released from prison .

I had met a woman , a month later , this bloke shows up at th bar door ,yelling "where is that s**t & th bald headed bast**d" . 

He then yelled " I am going to get a Big Cannon & come back & waste the 2 of you . I said to Christine , he is full of p*ss & wind ,

don't worry about him . She then told me , he was her x , and he was a double murderer . I said he ain't scaring me , and went on

practicing my darts . Gypsy came back & I could tell he had a 9mil under his coat . He said to me are you still at Forsyth st , I said yeah .

He said that's ok then . I said what do you mean it's ok . He said don't worry about it . I says "take that thing out & blow my head off  , or

I will take it off you & shove it up your ass" . He come back "you are as crazy as me , what are you drinking , I will buy you a beer".

That started 'our friendship' . I WAS the only friend that man had . 5 years later , I am in AA , & 8 months sober . Was at an aa rally &

Gypsy shows up & he had been drinking . I welcomed him & told him he was welcome , as long he he 'behaved' himself . A lady friend

asked me who he was . I told her his name was Gypsy . He had got a coffee in a disposable cup , as he went to his seat , he was shaking

so much he was spilling it everywhere , as he tried to drink it , he shook even more . Mary got a 'nice' looking mug , made a coffee , went

& sat next to him , gave him a hug & helped him drink the coffee as she held it for him . After that meeting Mary asked me about Gypsy .

I told her he was a crim , a hit-man , con-man & thief & had done 'life' for a double murder.

Mary said "his story could be mine , it's there , by me taking a drink"

To me , it was the Love she showed to another alcoholic , who could not help himself.

Yes this has been a bit long , & ((( ))) to you for reading it , because as Mary said . WE All Could have Gypsy's story.

Bless you wherever you Gypsy , old Mate.



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.
Mike D


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I really feel like I need a hug right now....



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Zoomtopz


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For You Mike (( ))



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.
Jerry F


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Mike...from me (((((hugs))))) whether you need em or not.   smile



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betterthanyesterday52


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((((((Mike D.)))))))

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Pythonpappy


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Oh man, I'm 'home alone' right now and I'm starting to feel the need for a hug ...

Quite a story there ZZ ... loved it ... thank you for sharing it ...


((((hugs)))) to all
Pappy



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Zoomtopz


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Thanks Pappy . We ALL could have Gypsy's story .

He came home from work (legit job) , walked in th back door .

Two blokes were raping his 7 months pregnant wife . And there was a knife on the table .

after another 3 yrs , I had to "let him go" , as we had a baby & were SO sleep depraved .

Gypsy would ring at 2am , Tal to me Zoomie "I'm lonely" , it was a rough decision for me too .

AS it seemed I could not "carry the message" to him , and I could not "carry him either"



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.
Pythonpappy


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Zoomtopz wrote:

 

AS it seemed I could not "carry the message" to him , and I could not "carry him either"

 Yeah, I know that feeling too ... ... ... we try, but it don't work that way, huh ?



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