dating an adhd male i am 6 months sober

stephtregea · Newbie

dating an adhd male i am 6 months sober

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Is your sobriety the most important thing in your life? Do you have life because you are sober? What are you willing NOT to do to stay sober? These are only some of the questions I faced from my sponsorship and the program when I got sober. Its called inventorying and then after that its called the honest, courageous follow thru. There is absolutely no human being on the face of the earth today that is worth the risk of my sobriety. Learning how to love myself unconditionally as I loved others around me caused me never to feel afraid of being alone and giving up the idea that love and need were the same thing...Today I can love unconditonally without needing that other person in my lives. Whats the thought about relationships and sober time? ((((Hugs)))) smile

Ricky61 · Member

I agree with Jerry. What if you had been sober for 5, 10, 20, years ? how would you look at this ? I am not a doctor, but, I have had alot of people tell me that I might be adhd and/or

bi-polar. For a very long time I heard this, but the stubbornness in me kept me in denial. I bounced around from one job to the next. From one girlfriend to the next. It was chaos, but

I thought it was like this for most people. My first wife asked me to see a doctor about it. I reluctantly obliged. He said that there are alot of meds that are available for this and I might be surprised at the effectiveness. He said it would take some time, perhaps months or years. I felt that I had nothing to lose. I took his advice, and the change began. Several years later, I can look back and wonder how I got as far as I did. I tried four different meds to finally find one that worked for me. The job I have now, is the longest stretch of employment I have ever had,

3 and a half years. That maybe humorous to some. That is a miracle for me. Alcohol was my med before I saw the doc. Don't want it, don't need it. It don't work. Have him see a doctor that is qualified in this area.

If he'll just let go and try it, he too might become more successful and more tolerable. I am not sure how AA looks at this, but it is the rock solid truth. Stay sober !! ... Ricky61

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Hi and welcome to the board! Also, congratulations on 6 months of sobriety. Good for you! I'm not a doctor either. The only thing I can offer is what I have heard since being in AA and you take or leave this...and that is that it is not a good idea to form any new romantic relationships until at least a year after being sober. Our main focus should be our sobriety, and relationships, particularly romantic ones can be very emotional and cause problems which may threaten our sobriety. Not sure if you and him were seeing one another before you decided to get sober so that doesn't apply if so.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Very simply put - Whatever you choose to do DO NOT GET DRUNK OVER IT. Please! Keep us updated.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

What pinkchip said...I should have said.

2granddaughters · Senior Member

stephtregea wrote:
soi am in love with a wonderful man that has ADHD and refuses to take any meds and thinks there is nothing wrong with him having it-it is really starting to cause problems for me-i am sober for 6 months now. What do i do?

Welcome !:

What does your sponsor and the oldtimers in your group think about your situation?

You sound like so many other newcomers in recovery who need their glasses cleaned ... they are looking at frogs and think they are seeing princes.

Listen to the oldtimers and they will save your life. You will hear GOD (good orderly direction) in their words.

All the best.

Bob R

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

"they are looking at frogs and think they are seeing princes"
I second that! Been there, done that, still am...
ribbit ribbit

tomsteve · Senior Member

I got into a relationsip in early recovery. it pissed me off when I was told 2 things:
I was only gonna attract someone as sick as me.
It would hinder my growth.

both were spot on, but I wouldn't admit it for quite some time. growth didn't start happening again until I ended the relationship.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

That's kind of the way it went for me too Tomsteve, but I didn't drink over it.

tomsteve · Senior Member

I didn't either, but she...well... shes still out in the insanity today.

Mike D · MIP Old Timer

If you always put your sobriety first, you can't lose. Congratulations on 6 months! Mike D.

stephtregea · Newbie

Thanks for all the support.

betterthanyesterday52 We've been together long before I decided to sober-up. He's one of my biggest supporters, and someone who showed me the true nature of my drinking problem. I've done a lot of thinking lately, and I'm currently working on step 4, but it's like the Big Book says, I cant be the director of everything, some people just are NOT going to do what I want them to and I need to accept the things that I cannot change. So that little tidbit has helped me over the last few days... I've found myself whispering that to myself frequently over the last month or so. I finally understand the importance of saying it at least once everyday. :)

stephtregea · Newbie

And on another note, this hiccup in my relationship perfection is in no way causing me to want to drink. That is definitely not part of the problem currently, I LOVE having sober time and I feel so much better about myself and my choices :)

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

stephtregea, I'm on the 4th Step, too. I've been kind of working that step not long after I got sober and acknowledging that so many of my problems are my own doing. I was so eager to break out of that victim mold so I would have a better chance at staying sober. And I too, wanted and tried to control things which I didn't understand until I got sober, I couldn't control.
I wasn't sure if your bf was someone new in your life or if you had been with him for a while. My above comment doesn't apply to you, then. I do hope that things get worked out. I've been told by loved ones that I have ADHD in the past. I never have been tested. My daughter did though and does have it. I think I don't want another thing I have to worry about being wrong with me.

Good for you for staying sober!

stephtregea · Newbie

tomsteve: Do you know if this applies to a relationship started before I quit drinking? Am I just finally realizing that I am worth something, and I do deserve everything? Is this happening because I'm growing and changing and becoming a new person, and he is staying the same as the day I met him? I want this to work out so badly, and it hurts to think about not being with him, he's been so so so supportive since I quit, he's been my rock.

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Run-Forest-Run!

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Step HT the fact that you are here and so focused on whats wrong with him says everything.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

I must agree with Dean here ... ... ... It shouts volumes!!!