Strange meeting last night. I know we are not supposed to share what we hear in meetings so I will be vague and just ask if someone says something which comes across to me as derogatory about AA's program, would it be cross talking if I share that I don't agree? There were quite a few newcomers there and I was afraid that they might not come back based on this one person's opinion. He even said that he wanted "to warn the newcomers" a couple of times in his share. I have no idea why he keeps coming back if he is against AA. It is possible I missed the point he was trying to make and he meant it in a positive way. However, if I did miss it after being sober several months, it seems it is possible people are are newly sober might have as well.
Share your experience BTY...If it's different than theirs....So be it. Mine is different from a lot of things I hear in meetings....So I tend to stay close to what they say in the book....That's never wrong.
It is my understanding that 'cross-talk' is when someone cuts off another persons' sharing, before they are done ... it's when someone doesn't wait for their turn to share and simply blurts out an additional comment, whether supportive or not ...
And, you'll sometimes hear other comments that don't support our 'way of life' or living ... I like what Stepchild said ... I try only sharing my ESH that is in line with what comes from the BB ... can't go wrong here I don't think ... but I try to stay within the confines of 'what it was like', 'what happened', and 'what it's like now' type sharing ... any additional stuff is just 'rambling' ...
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Tuesday 11th of February 2014 09:08:00 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
OK....I was confused about cross-talk, as someone corrected a member one time just for disagreeing with a person who shared something he didn't agree with He didn't cut off anyone and waited until the person was finished. But after that person finished, the Chair said the "no cross-talking" thingie. Perhaps I didn't hear something else which was said though.
Thanks stepchild and Pappy.
I'm on dangerous territory when I take away my open mindedness that is necessary for this program and say words like never. I am not God, and I do not know the future - this was one of the biggest mind sets that slammed me into my seat in the rooms.
So here is a wonderful opportunity Grace, for open mindedness. The ideas I had about how the world should be for me were often skewed - and that also carried over into others. One of the main reasons I had to drink was because I thought I knew better than God for not only me, but for everyone else too! And they weren't doing it how they were SUPPOSED to! And then I wasn't doing it how I was supposed to (so I thought with my God brain) and so it was just all. to. much. and of course my only way to cope (and my disease's first choice) with my racing mind was to drink. My disease found other ways for a while too - after I got sober. It had me focus on others, control people like my husband and even sponsee's or obsess about others in the rooms, if that failed and I got too cranky about that I would shop and shop - or sometimes I would just chew off all my nails. All different symptoms of the same thing. I didn't know how to let God be in charge. 'Husssssshhhhh' - would have been a great name for my wine, or my shopping bags. I just wanted to really have faith in a HP but when I couldn't - I found ways to distract me from me and my thinking.
So beautiful Grace - the idea's that you have are out of love. I have heard this called "loving too much". You care and love and want the best for people, but you've just got it in reverse. Love you first. Be the change you want to see so you can feel good about you - grow in your self worth, self esteem and self love - and then as you become a reflection of the qualities your all loving HP has - you will see that He is with you. Your leap of faith was worth it because you are worth so much to your God. You can work for him, being all things in the light of the spirit - lead by example - and leave the results to God with peace and trust in your heart that they have a HP looking after them, loving them... just like you.
You treating YOU in loving ways - shows them it's possible - and you feel good too! It's win win! You bring hope - you bring love - you live and let live as the Universe see's fit, and humbly offer yourself to HP and let Him be in charge. This frees up even more time for you to seek His will, work for Him, or mediate and pray and strengthen your listening skills for His voice in everything. The world becomes a teacher - and you hand over your badge as principle... and become a student with the eyes of a wondering child. xxxx Love you
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I heard a guy share in a meeting.....He said....This program isn't about God....It's about not drinking one day at a time. I thank God that wasn't the message I heard at my first meeting. We are responsible.
Actually, the phrase "cross talk" has different meanings in AA depending on the meeting. It tends to vary from place to place.
In many places, it just means 'interrupting the person who is speaking'. It's almost universally understood that this is not acceptable in an AA meeting, but if you search hard enough you can find a few rare meetings where this is allowed to happen.
In other places, it's not quite as clearly defined but it generally means that rather than sharing your own experience strength and hope ("in my experience, AA has done XX for me", "I have worked the second step by doing xxx", etc.), you are using your turn to speak to a particular person in the meeting about what they said, and telling them that they are wrong, or you are telling them what to do ("You shouldn't hang out with those people", "You're not working that step correctly", etc.).
In some places, there sometimes seems to be a very strict and limiting definition of "cross talk" where there is a high level of sensitivity to people sharing about anything that has been said earlier in the meeting. Person "A" shares about going through a breakup, then person "B" shares about their own experience with a similar situation and gets chastised for "cross talk".
Of course, this third definition of "cross talk" is a big messy grey area involving semantics, and to me it seems to be counterproductive because it discourages people from openly sharing their own experience strength and hope on whatever the topic is that has been brought up in previous shares in the meeting. Generally when meetings or individuals that have this third definition, it is a result of people simply taking the concept too far, either in an attempt to maintain order and prevent any chance of controversy in the meeting, or simply not quite understanding the idea of what "cross talk" is and is not, and how it should be addressed or not addressed.
-- Edited by davep12and12 on Tuesday 11th of February 2014 02:02:11 PM
When I was new I thought the "cross" in "cross talk" meant bitchy or angry. As in ""gee, bill sounded really cross tonight". It confused me because to me lots of AAers who shared sounded bitchy and angry.
When sharing in a meeting, if I use the word, "You", I am cross talking. If I interrupt or inject my almighty opinion during someone else's share, I am cross talking. When I use the word "I", during my own allotted share time and share my own personal experience, strength and hope, I am not cross talking.
I've cross talked or cross shared and been pulled on it in vsrious ways. I hope each time I've learnt a little.
one time I got bored hearing the resident spiritual giant telling us what he didn't know...yet again...blurting out mid share was wrong and ego driven.
Another time I objected to a member ramming his religion down our throats....telling him publicly to shove his god was wrong and ego driven.
I've heard someone share that they didn't know how to deal with something that I had experience of. I couldn't share publicly about it but told that person to talk to me afterwards....cross talk maybe, maybe not.
I also heard and believe for myself that the programme of recovery is a tool to maintain sobriety....those that want to use it to find god, good for them. I come to AA to maintain and improve my recovery from active alcoholism and nowt else and I'm grateful for trad three.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
What great replies and now I feel I have the cross talking thing down pretty good.
Tasha...thanks for your post and hopefully I will eventually think as much about myself and love myself as much as you do you. Got a long way to go on that, though. It is going to take some time for me to not worry about newcomers getting offended in the rooms.....I just hate to see anybody go back out. But I feel like you are right about that and I should just worry about myself and let HP take care of the others. And after reading the above replies, I am glad I decided not to share the other night. you guys!
you guys!