Although I have had willpower at times when I was an active drinker, it didn't last long. I could go a day, two even longer. My willpower didn't hold out. I was reaching for a drink to "calm down". I would tell myself all I needed was one drink to take the edge off and relax and then I could go on about my business and be able to function. As I was drinking that "one" drink, it wasn't long before I was planning my second one. That "one drink" turned into six, seven, eight. I couldn't stop drinking. I lost control. I really believe that we as alcoholics are powerless over alcohol. I know this one statement has caused so much controversy. I do think it is possible for some drinkers to be able to stop drinking. I have never been able to do this on my own for any length of time. I wonder if the people who have been able to stop drinking successfully forever are actually alcoholics. I guess that is not for me to judge. All I do know is that I am an alcoholic and I cannot stop drinking on my own. There is something in me that craves alcohol, longs for the effects that alcohol gives me--however short-term it is, and whatever crap comes because of it--my desire and love of alcohol has come first and foremost in my life before family, friends, financial security and many other things. My common sense was washed away the more I drank and I became this person who lost everything and wanted nothing more than to drink. The affects alcohol had on my mind were puzzling and welcoming at the same time. I wanted to die but I wanted to live as long as I could drink the whole time. I longed for friends, but I hated everyone and wanted to be alone. I wanted to be drunk and I wanted to be sober. I thought I was losing my mind. AA saved my life. Some people may think and tell me I am weak. I would agree with them. Some would tell me I am a fool for being suckered into believing all that AA "stuff" (to put it mildly). You know, I don't really give a damn what anyone else thinks. All I know is that it is because of me believing my own "stuff" floating around in my head that made me think I had control of my drinking and that I had ability to quit on my own that made me keep drinking the way I did for years and years. I only hope that any newcomers who visit this board have an open mind and give AA a try. If you have already tried to quit on your own without success, please don't be afraid to give AA a try. I don't want any of you to die from this damned disease!
I found this info below:
"People do not recover from illnesses by simply resolving that they will stop being sick! As it happens, many alcoholics do have a great deal of will power. For example, in some cases, they can hold down jobs long after they should. Saddled with a massive hangover, their sheer will to carry out a normal day will get them to work when with any other illness would keep them home. However, just one drink for an alcoholic can result in an endless, downward spiral" - http://www.bettyfordcenter.org/recovery/addiction/breaking-myths-about-alcoholism.php#sthash.InjW3Zcj.dpuf
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Saturday 8th of February 2014 08:38:56 AM
My answer to this question is "No." Not for good. I could stop for a little while...even a few months 1 time but never for good. In your other post I talked some about our collective "will"....My will...will f#ck me up lol.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I know people who have stopped drinking because of some important reason, they have been dry for years and I can't see them ever drinking again.
Are they happy, joyous and free? .... not so much. They are miserable folks and will likely die miserable. I was miserable and would likely have died miserable
I see that putting the plug in the jug as basically addressing the first half of Step 1 ...... they are dry and have not grown an inch
(sober up a drunken horsethief and you still have a horsethief)
Today I see that not drinking is the easiest part of becoming sober for an alcoholic.
(problem drinker ... quit drinking and your problem is solved)
(alcoholic ....... quit drinking and your problems are just starting)
I have been dry (sometimes sober) for almost 25 yrs and today I feel I am making headway into addressing the issues that made drink so appealing in the beginning.
I am not only dry but being restored to sanity and peace. Slowly developing a healthy view of life and becoming comfortable in my own skin.
I don't go to meetings today to stop drinking, I go to learn how to grow and live life on life's terms. To be restored.
The foundation of my recovery is built on not drinking .. not drinking is not the end, it is the beginning.
Can Willpower Alone Keep An Alcoholic From Drinking?
I've always had a strong 'willpower' growing up and on into adult life ... I won't bore you with details of some remarkable things I've built ... but for me, I knew at some point I was 'powerless' over alcohol ... oh sure, I managed to stop for a time, days, weeks, or even months, just like many others here ... but I have come to know for a fact, my willpower is useless against alcohol ... alcohol ALWAYS beat me up ...
When I drank, I had to have more, then eating became unimportant, then the extreme fatigue would set in, then waking up only long enough to drink enough to pass out again ... I would have made a good 'poster child' for 'pure insanity' ... but as long as I strive to do God's will, my will seems to start working right .... God Bless this program and way of life ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I like how they address this question here BTY....This made sense to me.
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.
We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this.
These observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body. If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility, but none of them really makes sense in the light of the havoc an alcoholic's drinking bout creates. They sound like the philosophy of the man who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with a hammer so that he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off, or become irritated and refuse to talk.
Once in a while he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually that he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time. But in their hearts they really do not know why they do it. Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. But they often suspect they are down for the count.
How true this is, few realize. In a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal, but everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will.
The tragic truth is that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"
When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. But for the grace of God, there would have been thousands more convincing demonstrations. So many want to stop but cannot.
That's good GTT...I'm happy for you for that. For you alcohol was the problem. Remove it....Problem solved. As 2GD touched on it above....For the alcoholic that is described in the Big Book.....Which was me to a "T"....Alcohol was just a symptom of my problem. The reason I need these steps of AA is to get down to causes and conditions....Fix them....And aquire a design for living that allows me to live happy, joyous and free without alcohol....I've tried just putting it down.....That didn't work too well for me....Nor did it last.
Let me try and put this simply to you GTT...If I could have given up drinking and have the life I have today without AA and the 12 steps....On my own power....I would have done it. I imagine millions of other people would have too. I couldn't. But if I could have...I don't think I'd be going to meetings telling people they can do this on their own....I wouldn't be going to meetings at all. I go to meetings to share with new people that can't quit on their own...That this thing works....If nothing else has. Give a little hope to the hopeless....Like it was so freely given to me.
"But if I could have...I don't think I'd be going to meetings telling people they can do this on their own....I wouldn't be going to meetings at all...."
What exactly are you trying to say here Stepchild?
What exactly was it it about my original post that bothers you? It was positive in nature and described a new, positive way of living I enjoy through willpower, hard work, and sobriety.
Just for me...nothing offensive GTT. I think there has been some group of alcoholics who have been quitting drinking without AA for hundreds of years...It did not work for me and I'm glad cuz AA has given more to my life than just not drinking but this is an AA site and not a "quit on your own" site. The general philosophy of AA is that it's not done on will power but willingness. Doesn't sound like you are doing it on will power either since you say drinking is now repugnant to you. Will power implies doing something you don't want to do. Sounds like your desire to drink has been removed. I'd like to think maybe you had a spiritual awakening and there is something you share with us that we got in AA. Anyhow, if you are a proponent of this "quit on your own approach" why come to an AA site? It's like going to a pro choice rally to talk about how pro life you are. It's going to stir up some conflict.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I said I'm happy for you and I still am GTT.....This is an AA site....It very well may be the first introduction to AA that some people that need it will get. If your purpose to be here is to say you can get sober without it...And you have the power to do it.....That's kind of narrow minded if you ask me.....And twisted. What about the poor guy that can't? If it's to knock the AA program and the people in it...That's even worse. I'm glad you found your reason never to go to a meeting....You never went to one anyway....And that's fine with me. If you ever need it...Because your way failed....The doors of AA will be open. I've seen people like you GTT.....I have to wonder what your real reason for coming here was to begin with.....Maybe you're not real sure your way is going to work?.....Maybe it's nothing more than fear that is keeping you sober?.....Who knows? I'm on an AA site to share that AA works for me....Sorry if that offends you.
I would encourage you to post anyway and stick around. Just cuz you got some challenging feedback is no reason to go running off. We don't change by everyone always agreeing with us. Like I said, I wasn't offended by your post, just kind of like "huh? Why come to an AA site if you don't want to be part of AA?"
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
This is precisely why - for me - the steps (step 3 here mainly) is so important to my life today. I know now that holding a grudge, storming off, or arguing is a character defect, and I know what to do about it. Trust HP and live as a reflection of him/her/it as best I can seeking progress not perfection. Where I once not long ago acted in this very alcoholic thinking manner - I am now free to be true to the spirit of the HP in me, which lets go of these old behaviors which keep me from my usefulness to HP and the world. Where I once would steal precious time and serenity from myself and my life, I am now free from that bondage of self - and can move on nearly effortlessly through the steps to let these character glitches up up and away into the universe... since I can't handle them... HP can, and I think I'll let him Today. Peace Love & Tolerance is our code, we can love you and anyone, until you can love yourself... and who you are today is good enough. There is never a good reason to give away your power, and give up on yourself or your HP's gifts of joy through this simple program for living.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
good post,just. I can still fall into argueing and being defensive, hold a grudge, and when I storm off I can still be thinkin,"how can I get em to see things from my view??" it really isnt the easier softer way. something I read in the big book( again) the other day, right when I needed to read it:
We have three little mottoes which are apropos. Here they are:
First Things First
Live and Let Live
Easy Does It.
just some more of what helps either keep me in or returns me to fit spiritual condition.
I was one of the many who tried to prove that The Big Book was wrong. Lucky for me I woke up that it was a solution before alcohol killed me. It's all about live and service.