This is by far the hardest thing, facing the fact that I have a problem, and then having to do something about it.
The first time I ever got drunk was at a New Years Eve party when I was 8 years old. Someone spiked some punch, no one liked it so for some reason, so everyone gave theirs to me. I don't know if it was a joke but its not very funny right about now. Then when I was 16, me, my brothers and some friends were out drinking. I drank about 3/4 of a bottle of Jack Daniels, ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and almost died. There were incidents in between age 8 and 16 where I would come home drunk, pass out in the front yard, or just walked around drunk off my ass.
On my 21st birthday went out drinking got into a car accident, got arrested, had to pull my buddy out of the car because it was burning, it got his feet real bad. I don't remember how old I was when I feel down the strairs drunk, actually rolled down the steps after slipping or whatever and ended up in critical care for 5 or 6 days.
All these things happen to you in your life and you just ignore them and act like they never happened. But why... why do I keep ignoring the fact. Why does it take so long to figure out that I need to do something... that I have to deal with these things and take care of it. You would figure, with there being atleast two times back there where I almost died, when would it be enough to open my eyes and realize that this is not what I want? I don't know if its just cause I was young or just didn't care, or if nothing mattered at all.
I want to find me... I want to live in a world with out drugs and alcohol. I want to enjoy my life with my wife and my kids and adopt my step daughter.. to be her father and to be a better father to my son who lives in MD. I just need strength and courage. I just don't know where to start. Where do I go from here?
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.
There are no dues or fees for AA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions.
AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes.
Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
The following is HOW IT WORKS
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it- then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol- cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power- that one is God. May you find Him Now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4: Made a fearless and thorough moral inventory of ourselves.
5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.
6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9: Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all or affairs.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
From The Big Book Of AA
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Easy Does it..Keep It Simple..Let Go and Let God..
Best thing to do is to be honest with your Doctor if you want medical help.
I would suggest never try to get sober on your own and detox,but people have.
Look in you phone book for the AA hot line,call them up and say what you just said here.
People care and people will help. I personally the first time went to a detox and rehab,but when I had to stop again (being I did't listion the first time), I went cold turkey and just got off my butt and started to go to meetings. From the meetings you will get good suggestions on how to stay sober one day at a time. It's very hard I know,but I want to live and not die from some stupid thing I did while drunk or hung over. You can also come and post here and tell us what is going on,it depends on how you feel going to face to face meetings. Take it easy,we care and want to help you.
You ask: Where do I go from here? As suggested if u are hurting bad u may need to detox. They will ease u off the booze and monitor your condition. I did this once. Also did cold turkey. Really depends how sick u are. Some go straight to AA. AA is the answer if u can quit on your own.
You already came here**that was the start.
Phil posted how the program works, but all u need to do is get to a meeting and take it slow.
Just introduce yourself. They should ask if there are any newcomers. Thats your opening.
Welcome Dave, Sounds like you have made the first step, admitted you are powerless over alcohol, that's what all of us here had to do at some point. The guys have given you great suggestions.
Please keep posting and let us know how it's going. This is a one day at a time program, today I will not drink.
What Phil and Zoomie had to say, I cannot improve on, just wanted say Welcome.
Did want to share my first drink was at a friends family dinner, my friend told me to "hold my nose and Drink this" it was an eight ounce glass of Scotch. I was 12 years old.
I didn't end up in the hospital, wandered home, told my mother, I thought I had the flu. Went to bed, and to the Doctor the next day, he said he didn't understand the symtoms. I got better in a few days. HA HA, no one knew what I had done. Too scared to tell anyone.
But as my drinking career started up... to its fuition, (thats a good word for gutter eh?) I never drank Scotch, even the smell made me sick.
When you have become familiar with the AA Book, there is a story about a Jay Walker, he keeps walking out in the street, first gets hit by a car, then gets hit by a truck, does he learn not to jaywalk, NO, he walks out again, this time gets hit by a Mack Truck, and when he leaves the hospital, in full body cast, he wonders, if maybe he could maybe do it again. (Im taking the story from memory), dont know if it is 100% accurate, but I always loved that story, I could so relate, can you????
Hope you make those phone calls, and they will guide you to the right place and you can stay here and post, letting us know the progress you are making. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU, GOD BLESS YOU, FOR SEEKING HELP.
A big Hug, Toni
(Alcoholism is a Disease, Treatment: Don't drink, no matter what) Looking forward to hearing back from you!
I'm so glad you're here. Sounds like you've taken Step One - the hardest.
WOW! I can identify with a lot of your story. My first drunk was age 6, my first alcohol poison was 15. I drank for 20+ yrs pretty regular. Today, I'm a few days short of 6 months sober!
You said, " All these things happen to you in your life and you just ignore them and act like they never happened. But why... why do I keep ignoring the fact. Why does it take so long to figure out that I need to do something... "
I don't know if there really are any cut and dry answers, but I will tell you what I have learned from becoming a member of AA.
We lower our bottom each time a disaster happens. We just don't see it! That's all there is to it. Sometimes it takes a tragedy, and sometimes we just get up one day and are sick and tired of being sick and tired. It really doesn't matter in the whole scheme of things. What does matter is that you realize it TODAY and you desire to do something about it.
So, I hope you will check out your local AA and give it a try.
Keep posting here. There are some awesome people on this forum, they have helped me thru many a crisis.......
Love and hugs.
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
I know what you mean, seeing you have a problem is hard, you may feel stupid because you ignored the warnings for years...but hey, that's the disease! Me, I could diagnose other alcoholics, but I was totally shocked (and horrified) when I realized I was likely one! I then went to a counselor, who saw I could not quit on my own (as I had assumed I could-thought it would be easy, in fact!) so he referred me to rehab. I ended up in outpatient rehab and then AA and weekly counseling. I've been sober one month so far, but feel the best move of my life was admitting I had a problem and getting help. Alcohol was starting to run, and ruin, my life. I couldn't really see it happening, until someone else pointed out that my drinking was excessive and causing me some problems-minor ones at the time, but they got worse as I still drank. It is progressive, I could see that once I stepped back and looked at myself from where others were.
So where to go? I don't know you, or how bad your drinking is, but a medical evaluation wouldn't hurt. There are good reasons people should not try to quit cold turkey-I saw at least four people in rehab who told stories of having seizures from quitting like that. This is why so many go to detox first, or inpatient rehab. I'd been warned not to stop drinking suddenly and completely, and why-but the risk of seizures scared me more once I saw real people who had had them! (I have two epileptic cats, so I know what seizures look like and how frightening they can be for an observor, let alone a victim! But I didn't know how alcohol withdrawal really put people at risk for them!)
I needed medical education on the disease, and the honesty I found in group therapy. Plus there was the "scare factor" of seeing some of the worst-off inpatient alcoholics and drug addicts-I never want to end up like some of them! So I think rehab at a hospital was best for me. Maybe you need to be assessed for what kind of rehab to get, and where-but do it, get some advice from someone in the know and then go for it. I feel rehab was the biggest positive step I have taken in many years. It was unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first, but I did start to understand what it was about by the final week. I was unsure I needed it at first, and not sure I would get anything out of it, but I am so glad I did it now!
Things are not perfect, never will be, but I think I have the tools to cope a lot better than before-alcohol is NO answer! It was a crutch for me, and a flimsy one! Now I feel I will try to deal with my problems, in time...and AA and my Higher Power will help me see what I need to change and what I need to accept about myself and the world around me. One change I know I need is to stay away from alcohol, 24 hours at a time.
My best wishes to you-hope you find what works for you to quit and then stay sober and healthy. But you are not stupid for not getting help earlier-do NOT beat yourself up for it! This is a deceptive disease, and denial for me was a huge thing to get over! You see the problem now, that's what counts! Get the help you need-we on this board are on your side! Be good to yourself, Dave! You're worth it if you came this far!
