I came here with my first glimpse of humility because for years I could not admit that there was a thing wrong with me, let alone admit that I might have 'a disease!'. My fear kept me locked behind the door of help - and with denial, I thought I was safer. It convinced me of this.

What my life represented, was nothing more than a false sense of my importance. I was either too important to the whole, or not important enough. This was later explained to me as having an EGO. I thought having an ego meant arrogance. I hated and feared arrogance because I did not understand it, I also did not have any sort of confidence in myself so I did not know there could be a way to have a healthy confidence, self worth and self esteem, and still not topple over into what I perceived as "one of those people who thought they were God". So, I tended to land more on the 'not good enough' side of things, fearing my own confidence? What could this mean about me?

Of course as any child who is learning to grow up - I had to be willing to make mistakes - and I have gone over the top with trying to practice a humility, and practice feeling pride. Because pride and humility are on the same spectrum of self evaluation, I do find peace when I practice the ability to acknowledge my mistakes and limitations, have an openness to new ideas, and am able to maintain a realistic perspective of my place in the larger world - but I do slip into the discomforting feeling of "is this all there is?" Then - through either prayer, or pain (my choice) - I find my HP has me where it needs me, and more will be revealed if I keep an open mind, remain teachable and willing.

With the steps, and using especially step 1, 3 & 11 to gauge myself toward a HP - I do find relief from the self defeating aspects of rigorous self evaluation through honesty. I find help to be okay with being honest with myself and others here in this supportive environment. I could not do it alone. As a result, I no longer feel alone in a room full of people, or all by myself. And I no longer believe that everyone is here thinking about me... nor am I here only thinking about me. It's a good life :)