I live in a major city and my passion and hopefully my eventual day job is music. I've played in bands and now I book bands. On Jan 18th I marked four months of sobriety. And I'm finding the more sobriety I have the more I feel disillusioned and annoyed by people on the music scene in my city. I don't want to give up what I'm passionate about but also at the same time I also don't want to get sucked into the drama which seems to go hand in hand with music scenes. I try to remember the philosophy live and let live but there are moments when I find that too hard. Are there any musicians or folks involved in the music industry out there with more sobriety time that can offer me advice on how to maneuver the music world in a sober manner without loosing my mind?
Welcome AGRIMM....I'm not a musician...But I am an alcoholic....And I...Like many others here have found a solution to living life without the constant threat of fearing that next drink. That solution is the 12 steps of AA. Are you familiar with them?
It tells us in the Big Book we can pretty much go where ever we want to go...And do whatever we want to do...If we follow a few simple rules.....These are promises that have come true for me from taking the action that the first 9 steps ask of us.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
BB pgs 84 - 85
Not a bad way to live.....If I was still fighting it.....I don't think I'd be here today. Glad you are here.
Oh and congrats on four months...That's awesome!
-- Edited by Stepchild on Monday 27th of January 2014 03:15:07 PM
Thank you for the warm welcome. I'm very familiar with the big book, but I guess my issue is how do I deal with people who are in an industry where booze is drunk like water and bad behavior is encouraged.
I think being familiar with the Big Book and having had a spritual awakening as the result of actually working the 12 steps as it suggests is a big difference....I know it doesn't bother me today being around people that drink too much....I have family that qualifies for that. I also belive if you are in a place of being safe and protected from taking this action.....It shouldn't be a problem for you....You'd recoil from it like from a hot flame.....That's pretty amazing for me....Considering how many years I let alcohol burn me over and over again.
I am a Drummer that has been playing in and out of Bands since I was 16 years old(a drunk since I was 12 , 1959)....During my 25 years of active addiction,, I spent much time in denial and self degradation. Played with players that used most of the time and partied like I thought it was meant to be(ROCK STAR SYNDROME). When I finally surrendered I found myself much more discerning about places to play in and members of Bands I would choose to become part of...I grew less and less fond of night clubs and bar scene .For the last 3 decades in Sobriety I have chosen much more carefully and play the occasional bar but prefer other venues...I no longer rehearse or play with people that chose to use during rehearsals or gigs.. We also don't smoke but in reality have no problem if we have to play a smoke filled club where people drink, its a job...I always discuss ,up front with other players about using during playing time . In the business you will have to most likely be in the environment of people who drink, use drugs etc....Our choice is what environment we chose to be in. .I have been drinking club soda and Lime for 30 years and find it to my liking. I am bothered by smoke but use fans around my Kit to provide some relief.(I also smoked 3 packs of cigarettes a day, during my reign of devastation..I like to Rock but now working with a 3 piece Senior oriented Trio playing old standards ,some Rock(not heavy) and danceable music and chose venues we all like. No one in the Band smokes or uses either on or off the stage. I could only say don't be disillusioned, remember you are alcoholic if you chose to work in that environment(especially early in your sobriety) it was difficult playing clubs early in my own and still working with musicians who used but I slowly worked toward where I needed to be...WE do not really give advice but can only suggest what works for us....Congratulations on 4 months in sobriety that is a miracle. Keep your recovery on top of everything being guided by the Higher Power of your own choosing and I would highly suggest sponsorship and application of the program ,,the spiritual principles of the STEPS ,worked with a sponsor in all areas of your life.. ,,More will continually be revealed. .Listen to suggestions ,make decisions and allow YOUR HP to work out the results....Many of my posse didn't make it past the 'STORM YEARS" and for me ,a daily reflection of now in Sobriety ,living a LIFE ,better than I had ever known, always guided by the God of my understanding allows me to keep DAILY FOCUS on how my LIFE goes forward...Somedays better than others but all days better than being twisted in that dimension of active addiction.....Play on Sista,,,you set the table.....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Aloha AGRIMM and welcome to the board...Congradulations on your sober time...don't give that up for anything. We have tons of great tools in recovery of which the slogans for me are powerful and easy to use. You already have the live and let live one in your recovery and that one for me also is rocket science because that helps me direct my life only and leave everything and one else up to HP and their own decisions whether I agree or not. I also use "No is a complete sentence a lot" because it is a barrier between me and the invitation. The last invitation was a couple of weeks ago at 8AM and the "No thanks" just rolled off my tongue. I also use another which was given to me by another recovering brother..."No thanks I've had enough"...there you go a decision and justification all rolled into one. Where ever you go and who ever you're with...drinking or not drinking is your choice. You want a sober relationship with the musical world...just don't drink whether they do or not. I don't play music any more...can't even hear it good or sing as well as I use to. I haven't written a tune for 30 years and haven't drank or been around it for longer than that. I'd say "Keep it simple"..."Don't have the first one".
I'm not a musician, but I love all kinds of music ... and I have lost many favorite artists to drugs and alcohol ... seems that style of life invites abuse for some reason ... the person either can't handle failure or they can't handle the success either ... ... ... We've lost some good artists this past year to drugs and alcohol ... what a waste of God given talent it's been ...
Keep sharing here on this board, we'll support you every way we can ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 27th of January 2014 05:46:59 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
that's a tough one. im not a musician. but I do love woodworking. if I were to work in a woodworking shop where most people there were smoking dope and drinkin gobels( which prolly wouldn't be wise around all them power tools) I would have to make a choice of whats more important: where im workin or my sobriety. I know if I hang around the barbershop long enough I will eventually get my hair cut and staying clean/sober is the most important thing in my life today. Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
I cant afford to forget where I came from.
HOWEVER: there are LOT of musicians and people in the music industry( believe it or not) that don't smoke dope and drink gobels!
-- Edited by tomsteve on Monday 27th of January 2014 06:04:10 PM
Hey friend, welcome to the board. I can easily understand and appreciate that your perception of the business you're in uniquely lends itself to drinking and drugging. But, from our perspective, there isn't really anything all that unique about it. Drinking and drugging is everywhere. Here's a fact that recovering alcoholics have been experiencing since the beginning of A.A. There is no such thing as an occupation, or trade, or profession where there aren't difficult people to deal with, and stressful situations to handle. A recovering alcoholic who has worked all of the 12 Steps can stay happily sober no matter what type of business he or she is in. I hope you won't give up on your career dreams just because you're alcoholic. Work the Steps and you'll soon find that you can stay sober no matter what, and you'll have an even better chance of achieving your dreams. Blessings, Mike D.
There is no such thing as an occupation, or trade, or profession where there aren't difficult people to deal with, and stressful situations to handle. A recovering alcoholic who has worked all of the 12 Steps can stay happily sober no matter what type of business he or she is in.
I think they cover this pretty well in the Big Book on pages 100 and 101....
Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!
Yep. That section of the BB that Stepchild cited covers it for me. If you're on good spiritual ground and have a valid reason for being there you can do anything. I do think there's a difference between finding being around drunk people annoying (not much cure for this one I'm afraid) and feeling like it threatens your sobriety.
Hi Agrimm,
I don't know any musicians where I have to associate with them like you do. I do know, that for me, I cannot be around alcohol at all. I was going to an AA meeting where some of them would meet in a bar atmosphere for dinner after the meeting. I got asked to go a few times and had to politely decline. I just could not be around drinkers for fear of wanting to drink again.
I want to welcome to you to this board and also congratulate you on 4 months of sobriety. That's great!!! I hope you come back to this board -- there are so many great people are here who have been a tremendous help to me.
((((((Agrimm)))))
Hi Agrimm, & welcome. I spent most of the '80s and '90s in L.A. playing in rock bands in all the Hollywood rock clubs and I've been working in the pro audio industry on the engineering & technical side of the business for over thirty years. I got sober 25 years ago, in 1988, so I've done all of this both drunk and then sober (and yeah, sober is way better!).
To answer your question, I don't think there's any sure fire way for us AAer (or anyone, really) to avoid the drama of other people in this business (or in any business, really). They are going to do what they are going to do. But by staying sober and working the steps I have gained the ability to recognize things like unnecessary chaos and drama and to avoid getting myself dragged into it (and avoid causing it myself, too). I really don't think this question is specific to the music business. I'd bet that you would find that kind of dynamic just about anywhere, it's just that you may be noticing it a lot more now because you're sober. So how to deal with it? It seems to me that it's just learning how to navigate life on life's terms, doing the next right thing, and trying not to be part of the problem, one day at a time without a drink or a drug. I know that all sounds pretty vague and general, but it's really just basic AA sober living stuff. It's all a result of the 12 steps and getting a lot more comfortable in my own skin so I don't want to drink.
Bottom line is you can be a sober member of AA and work in the music industry if you want to. Lots of sober people do. There's a whole lot of us that survived the '80s rock scene, crashed and burned, and ended up sober in AA : )
But just because you can, and just because you have been planning on it, doesn't mean you have to. There's a million options for how you can live your life in a way that you find fulfilling. If the career path you're on now isn't fitting with your sober life, you can do something just slightly different or something completely different, whatever fits comfortably with a sober life.
