It is just so nice to be able to think more clearly now. I lived in a state of numbness for so long. I still feel like this alien being came in and took over my mind and body. I feel so much differently, so much better than I used to when I was drinking. It is a hard lesson for me to realize that for most of the last several years most of my daily decisions were made under the influence of alcohol. I wonder how different my life would be had I not been doing most of my thinking when I was drinking. Would my marriage still be intact? Possibly. Would my daughter be wanting to see me? Hopefully. Would I be financially secure? I would think so. Would I be in AA? That's a hard call, like the others, but harder....but I believe that being an alcoholic and having this disease of alcoholism since I was in my late teens, I would still be a likely candidate for AA. Although I used to drink less frequently, when I drank I had to drink until I was drunk. I had to numb out realities which I didn't want to face and deal with.  I am grateful today that I do all of my thinking without drinking. Any decisions I make which are good ones, I owe to my HP guiding me, AA, this board and staying sober. Any bad decisions I make I can take full credit for, without the need to blame anyone else like I used to do. And the good thing about any bad decision I happen to make now is that I don't have to feel guilty because it was made when I was drinking and I don't blame alcohol now like I have done and rightly so for so long.