Another 24 hours down! Sounds like a sober life coming together....life on life's terms. You are doing this a day at a time.   Yeah, sounds like not the best day, but you didn't drink over it.  Thank you for sharing this BTY. 8 months is a good chunk. I was starting to envision "having a year" at that point and getting both nervous and excited. I took on a service position lasting 6 months at that time cuz I knew it would carry me over that year....and it did. (In addition to all the other things we do in AA that I'm not debating are important lol)

Self-pity and worry are things you do not want to spend a whole day doing - Generally speaking, we can't afford that.  Most of the time when I am telling myself I don't want to go to a meetings because I might hear griping, I check myself and it's really me that is griping and I generally don't hear griping at meetings...that is my disease trying to get me not to go.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 24th of January 2014 11:56:43 AM

Pythonpappy wrote:

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Hi BTY, ... Please don't get upset, but it sounds like it would be of great benefit for you to accelerate your 'step work' ... I suggest to not delay in working through the steps ... the 'WORRY' problem for me all but disappeared after working the steps ... (the 'worrying baggage' is a heavy load you need not carry around with you ...) ... that's why, when working the steps, we find a point that the whole weight of the world feels lifted off our backs ... we somehow find 'faith' in God (HP) ... and we come to know that everything is as it ought to be and He is in charge, not me ... and we come to know to worry is to simply waste good time when we could be doing something else or helping someone else ...

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I emphatically agree. These days, sometimes I miss a meeting. Sometimes I get in a bad mood. I'm not perfect. That sort of stuff doesn't eat at me like it used to, and that is a direct result of the steps. 

Thank you all for your responses!!! Wow! The power of AA, sobriety, and the power of this MIP board!
Pappy, I am on Step 4...actually, my sponsor said we will be working on that "next". However, after reading responses from you all who have been telling me to get to Step 4...then I felt it wouldn't do any harm in working Step 4. (Hope my sponsor doesn't mind). My list is almost finished of my "inventory" and boy, is it longggg! The only reason it is not finished is that throughout the days, I come up with other things by experiencing them, that I think of and say to myself, "Yep....better add that one, too." I have heard that alot of people drop out of AA when they have to do Step 4. I think from what I have heard that either they don't feel like they have to do that self-inventory, are wanting to blame others for their drinking or are too scared to face their character defects (and there may be some who don't think they have any). I was ready, have been ready for a long time. As I said several months ago on here, I started making a mental list and praying for these faults of mine when I would catch myself thinking/behaving certain ways. I just had so much going on in this head of mine that I couldn't stop and thought that well, if I prayed for God to help me with them, maybe they wouldn't overwhelm me so much and cause me to want to drink as they (my thoughts) have done so many times in the past. I really really want to change so much so I will be as successful as you all and stay sober. I will do whatever it takes ....well, it is going to be hard not poking fun at myself, and reading sh books (not to be confused with shi* books, although there are some of you which may prefer that from what I have learned what you think of "self-help" books
So as far as speeding up the Step work, it was my own fault waiting so long to get a sponsor. We are reading the BB and we are doing the steps that we get to in there, and I really don't know how to ask my sponsor how I can speed up this process. I think it is mostly up to me and to not drag my feet when told I need to do what I need to do to complete each step. But as for the ones I can work on my own, I will do that and maybe that is what you mean. Yes, I can do that...so maybe I can go on and start on Step 5????

My posting above wasn't really a cry for help....although I really appreciate the responses. I really wanted to let other newcomers, with less time than me, perhaps the same, know how important meetings are and what happened to me and my thinking when I got a little lazy (ok, alot lazy) about attending them. I have heard oldtimers (one with 20 or more years) share how they took vacations, slacked on meetings, and their mood and thinking changed after missing even a week of meetings. I was shocked that after that length of time, the impact of missing a few meetings had on them. I wanted others to know what happened to me and that all it took to change my thinking (because it is an enormous difference and I feel great now) was to miss going to some of them. So I am not sure I want to rush this step process, with all due respect to Pappy and Ruby Tuesday, and also knowing that you both may be right on. I will watch myself and if need be--I will talk to my sponsor about that.
Mike D...thank you for posting. I will start asking God to take my worries away. I do worry way too much, meetings or not. Just let them get to me sometimes which makes me more depressed (I have always suffered from depression but did go off of my anti-depressants several months ago so I didn't develop a dependance on them). I love your suggestion and prayer and I am going to use that everytime I start to worry from now on. I just love it!
Thanks again, everyone! , Hugs and a Biggg your way

-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Saturday 25th of January 2014 10:02:07 AM

Whoaaaa! Talk about TMI!

I always get a lot of cross looks when I say that meetings aren't what keep me in fit spiritual condition. If I can't get to meetings, it sucks because I'm not there keeping the doors open for newcomers, and finding people to connect with, sponsor, be spiritual mentors to me - but - on the other hand, what I do during my day, my every action through out the day and how connected I am to my HP (step 11) determines my level of serenity. When I was incapable of nourishing a relationship with my HP, and having faith in Him - I needed to use meetings and 'other people's' HP's and serenity and spirituality to do the nourishing for me. It was painful breaking away from that need, but I had to find out I was capable of trusting myself - by taking positive God guided actions with the help of my own HP, but it was a necessary step for me, and not an easy one. I had to WORK for it. Work for the promises :)

Things come up. Meetings wax and wane. Currently this town is not 'super' for recovery. My kids get sick - I get sick - things happen and I have no fear that if I can't get to meetings I will drink again or maintain fit spiritual condition. However - take away my ability to read the big book, work with others - I might get down in the ditches - and if I lose this stuff, I could see myself losing sight of step 11 and all the other steps - and THEN I am in big trouble. Fatal is serious. I only have other people's experience to base this on right now, but I hear people say it starts with meetings... I think it starts there because we give up one of our biggest tools to hear our HP and maintain connected to Him. I have other much more powerful tools today that I would more afraid of losing - namely prayer/meditation and working the steps with others.

Meeting reliance later in recovery (whatever 'later' is - is different for everyone - I know people solely relying on meetings that are 5, 10 or 20 yrs sober) to maintain fit spiritual condition. I don't know if I could call that fit - it sounds like a lot of work, stress and fear to me - but to each their own.


Without having a HP I would be dead by now. Talking about not needing a lot of meetings is a really touchy thing. A newcomer could easily use this little post to talk themselves out of 'doing AA'. In my opinion, if that's the case, they would have found something else if not this... and of course, meetings are SO important until you really really get into the deep feeling of love from a HP. That can happen at different times for different people. I didn't have ANY HP when I got here - so obviously no relationship with one when I got here. I had to do 90 meetings in 90 days and get those steps done to begin to be God guided in any situation with or without a meeting that day - to remove the fear. Boy was I afraid to drink again. I am not afraid anymore. The problem is removed. I react sanely and repel as if it was a hot flame. What a gift! What a gift to want to be here.


You're doing great ((((((((((((((((((Grace))))))))))))))))))00

I have to ask you BTY...Because I care about you...And I'd like to see you succeed....You don't seem to be one that is big on asking questions....I know I had a ton of them...Because I wanted to be as thorough about these steps as I could be...Mainly because I couldn't afford to fail.

You mention here you made a list...Is this a list of names for your resentments?

My list is almost finished of my "inventory" and boy, is it longggg! The only reason it is not finished is that throughout the days, I come up with other things by experiencing them, that I think of and say to myself, "Yep....better add that one, too."

Have you done the four columns for each one? Here is a look at a Work sheet done by Joe and Charlie...Something like this?

http://www.upperroomcomm.com/bbsguide/images/bbsg7.jpg

I'm curious if you've done this with your fears and one for sex conduct as well....The reason I ask...Is you mention this....

But as for the ones I can work on my own, I will do that and maybe that is what you mean. Yes, I can do that...so maybe I can go on and start on Step 5????

I mean if you've done a fearless and searching inventory already....My hat's off to you....Move on....If not....You can ask questions here.

 

-- Edited by Stepchild on Saturday 25th of January 2014 06:13:18 PM

It's not like that at all BTY...No whips and chains here....The directions are clear cut. They need to be read. For step 4 they begin on page 64....For the sex conduct it is simply explained on pages 68 through 70.

Now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling there. But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes - absurd extremes, perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation.

Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn't the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them?

We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.

In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test - was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.

Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.

God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice.

Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.

To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.

What I've highlighted in bold is what we are looking for here...To shape right ideals for future relationships...To find our part in past relationships...It has nothing to do with the act of sex at all...But I couldn't even imagine how many people have balked at this step because they thought it did.

Here are the other worksheets to give you an idea....We always work one column at a time...Moving left to right....With resentments first...Then fears....Then the above....Then harms done to others not sex related.

Fear..

http://www.upperroomcomm.com/bbsguide/images/bbsg9.jpg

Sex conduct..

http://www.upperroomcomm.com/bbsguide/images/bbsg8.jpg

Harms done other than sexual..

http://www.upperroomcomm.com/bbsguide/images/bbsg10.jpg

I'd suggest reading pages 64 to 71...Read it couple times....It's homework time BTY...

 

-- Edited by Stepchild on Saturday 25th of January 2014 09:36:19 PM

Thank you so much stepchild...I will get back to the "old drawing board" tomorrow and get at it. Thanks for easing my fears about the uh, well...you know part. I feel alot better. I really got pretty worked up over it and it looks like as so many of the things I worry over, it was all for nothing. I really appreciate the time you spent and all the info...when you said, "Because I wanted to be as thorough about these steps as I could be...Mainly because I couldn't afford to fail"........that's how I feel, too!
(You know, it is kind of funny because I thought to myself after I thought that I had about finished my Step 4, how easy it was and wondered why I have heard so many make such a big fuss about it. I really had no idea, did I?)