Long time, no write. I am doing well, though, and wanted to stop in to ask a question. Basically, do any of you have experience being in both AA and Al-Anon? I recently started reading the book Adult Children of Alcoholics and have been floored by how accurately the book describes much of my life experience. I have gone to a few Al-Anon meetings, and while I have really enjoyed them, I have not been sure whether or not to openly disclose that I am also in AA. I ask only because there is definitely a part of me that feels some guilt while in Al-Anon meetings, thinking about the impact that I know I have had on people close to me. At the same time, I feel like my disease is strongly tied to my father, who was also an alcoholic. I feel that the answer is yes, one should disclose, but I'm just not quite sure how to go about doing it and, again, wondering if anyone else has had this experience. Thanks for your thoughts!
adam
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When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
I am reading the same book and like you, can "see" myself in so much of what I have read. I have attended, but am not currently attending Al-Anon. Should I decide to in the future, I don't think I will feel like I need to disclose that I am in AA, unless I feel like it will help me and/or someone else in the room and I feel completely comfortable doing so. I hope you can let go of the guilt. You don't know those people in the rooms and you didn't do anything to them personally. And my sponsor told me "Let go of the guilt" for the ones I have hurt in the past. I know some people in AA who are attending both groups and I have been invited to go to Al-Anon. I feel that my plate is full with my AA meetings at this time. Reading the book is enough for me to get more of an understanding of what has helped make me the way I am.
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Monday 20th of January 2014 06:52:09 PM
I was told to wait til I was a year sober before going to alanon. I struggled with exactly what you are. I ended up talking to Jerry and Pinkchip here on the board about it - and they saw my struggle first hand... but it all worked out in time. I had to have that same open mind that I had for AA and give it a real shot - regular meetings, a sponsor etc.
Now I use the ACOA board here more than this one. I attend 2 meetings a week - one ACA and one AA. Our ACA meeting is mostly just an alanon meeting. Most areas don't have JUST ACOA meetings. If your area does - I would check that out vs. alanon - in my experience, Alanon can be really really good - or really really bad depending on the group. Sort of like AA but with bigger extremes. That's just what I have seen in my area tho. Can't speak for the world. We have one alanon meeting per day here - and only the one on Sunday is solution oriented. The others actually make me sicker for having gone. I have to use Alanon concepts just to be there in alanon!! LOL
Hopefully you'll have good ones in your area. The courage to change and Hope for today books are my daily readers, and I pick those up along with melody beatties' language of letting go EVERY single day where as I may not read my AA stuff every single day. NOT RECOMMENDING THIS FOR NEWCOMERS TO AA HERE!!!!!!!!
I live with a person who is 1/2 measures alanon recovery, and I deal with alcoholics in AA all the time. I love alanon slogans for that - and I find that if I seek solutions and recovery - it doesn't matter what the title of the door is. It's just recovery.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Monday 20th of January 2014 07:56:32 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
BTY - I wouldn't do the ACA stuff until you've done the steps in AA. I sponsor people in ACA and I always take them through the big book steps first - then the ACA exercises. It's been working well :) Just my suggestions here from my own experience.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
xxxxx Just love ya Grace xxxxx You are ROCKIN AA and I know you will find your way and answers. You're such a gift to this community and you will be where ever you go.
Adam - to actually answer the question you asked LOLOLOL: I did end up finally becoming transparent in all of the rooms... as I got comfortable... and with the support of other 'double winners' here at MIP... and through conscious contact with my HP.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
All I will say is do not lose sight of your sobriety and always remember YOU are an alcoholic. Your sobriety is not, nor will it ever be about "them". I do attend both AA and Al-Anon but as any Al-Anon can tell ya, we don't get or keep any one sober there. It's in AA that sober living is learned by the alcoholic. My experience has also been that many AA's are not ready or stable enough mentally, emotionally or spiritually to do any deep archaeological digging until they are in their 3rd - 5th year of sobriety. The AA fourth step was barely doable, manageable and survivable for some, if not most.
So, my simple suggestion would be.. .Work AA's 12 Steps to completion, in order, with a AA sponsor. Consistently work with other alcoholics, as both the provider of support and the receiver of support and Stay sober for an extended period of time, (minimum of 2-3 years) before considering to divide your recovery effort up into pieces between any other 12 step program. Any other program you indulge in will take a piece of space off your AA plate, and if it gets too crowded with all the "other" stuff you are looking at and engaging in, your AA work can get weeded out, and the result of that is not good. It's what send's a lot of non alcoholics to Al-Anon. The insanity of living with and loving an untreated alcoholic.
As for self disclosure. When YOU are comfortable with who and what you are it will become a non issue. You'll reveal it to who you are comfortable with, when you are comfortable with it. Only my inner circle of Al-Anon friends know I am a alcoholic in AA as well. When I walk into a Al-Anon meeting, I'm just another Al-Anon to most there, who has a son and a gf that are my qualifiers for aligning myself with their program. Keep in mind, they don't go to Al-Anon to hear about what being a drunk is like. They could have stayed home and talked to their own alcoholic if that's what they wanted. LOL
I would echo what John and JAD said. Pretty much covers it all. There's plenty of literature on each seperate program but not much for how to work combined ones. Other people might have different opinions...For someone who is still early on in sobriety, keeping AA primary and in the forefront has been my suggestion as well as what I did myself. To thine own self be true - That's what it states on our medallions.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
So, my simple suggestion would be.. .Work AA's 12 Steps to completion, in order, with a AA sponsor. Consistently work with other alcoholics, as both the provider of support and the receiver of support and Stay sober for an extended period of time, (minimum of 2-3 years) before considering to divide your recovery effort up into pieces between any other 12 step program. Any other program you indulge in will take a piece of space off your AA plate, and if it gets too crowded with all the "other" stuff you are looking at and engaging in, your AA work can get weeded out, and the result of that is not good. It's what send's a lot of non alcoholics to Al-Anon. The insanity of living with and loving an untreated alcoholic.
