I believe that back in the day when people were first 12 stepping... they were literally ripping people off bar stools and out of hospitals. There was some serious gusto and guts involved. Some real 'in your face' sort of stuff.
I'm 35, I dunno what this really looked like as it's been watered down tremendously over the years. What I do know is that approaching people works. I see definite changes and focus on daily success, without expectation for the big picture. This can only lead to resentment I've been told ;) What good am I if I am messin around in my character defects which swell up in me parallel to my resentments?
Some maturity and emotional stability must be stood upon using this mind set - in order for the courage to confidence to truly dedicate our assets toward another still suffering individual.
I prepare my finger to tap on the shoulder with anticipation that it could get bit off... and still see the beautiful soul beneath the fear... and those behaviors which are fear driven. I am confident enough in myself to know that there isn't a thing wrong with someone protecting themselves... and love them anyway.
We are sometimes nudged toward leaving people alone. Maybe giving them a bit more time and desperation is necessary and we can be more useful elsewhere for a time. I completely disagree with giving up on people. Isolation is how our disease kills us. Sometimes at our own hand. Sometimes through the liquid or little white pill or powder form. Sometimes it's just called "failure to thrive". Dead inside. Worse maybe... thnn under the ground.
When I was little I hid away in our hay mow for hours every night. I watched the kittens grow with their loving mother. She was always watching them... always teaching them by example and protecting the fort.
I learned everything I know now from that mother cat... about mothering... and about being a useful member of AA. Sometimes protecting for me is nothing more than making sure the coffee is hot, the lights are on and paid for, the hand of AA is always available.
I spent so much time with the animals, I learned their language, their calls, the meaning of their movements, their gestures to each other... and I saw them hear their mother return with lunch before I could hear it for 10 minutes. I felt their anticipation along with them. I learned to use their more powerful senses as my guide (much like I use a HP today) when in the woods, in the barn, around the farm anywhere - because there was real danger to a child my size left alone on 80 acres with no one looking after me. I was free to roam and wander - and I needed my animal companions help. I needed their ears, their instincts to compliment mine.
I also saw disease and injury. I saw their behaviors change when they were terrified. I knew this terror. I knew the real gentle soul of that animal prior to the damage.
These animals have never left my memory. They give/gave me hope. I saw them lash out - and bite their loved ones who were trying to help... including me. I wooed them back into trusting me through their pain with love and acceptance so I could help. It was the most glorious victory - only to be found again and repeated in the suffering eyes I have found in recovery rooms.
Sometimes we must love and woo through the fear - this is what I found to be true since I was little and broken myself. Watching others trust, teaches me it's possible for me too and to keep it - I must give it all away.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
My first contact with AA was in the nut farm. I wasn't interested, I missed the point. The place was about 30 miles out of the city and these two AA guys, Colin and Brian, came out every week to take the AA meeting. It was a compulsory meeting and most of us did not want to be there. It must have been disheartening for those guys, but they kept carrying the message TO the still suffering alcoholic.
After I was discharged, Brian followed up a few times. I'll never forget his kindness, checking on how I was, he even helped me into accomodation one time, which I was kicked out of for drinking! He didn't get me sober but he gave me hope, and thanks to him, when I reached the jumping off point in another part of the country, I turned to AA. I met him a couple of years after I had got sober so at least he knows his efforts weren't wasted. I found out then that a couple of others from my rehab group also got sober, so it was good news all around.
But what would have happened to me if Brian, instead of carrying the message to me, had just sat in a meeting waiting for me to come to him. He would have had a long wait, and I, a short life.
I was so "matter of fact" when I said I met him a few years later, because, going on that stats, he probably should have given up AA, and not be there in the same job, still sober. But you see he was still active in AA and carrying the message, so naturally, he was still sober.
Thank you for your post!
from what i have heard from the old-timers, 12 step calls came through the AA hotline and AAs on call would go to homes to help an alcoholic through the DTs, if they were sober, tell their story, offer help, experience, strength, and hope. now a days a lot of us have been through the "Spin Drys" or Rehabs. but there are still 12 step calls to make if we keep the channels open.
