My body responded to the alcohol before I ever took a drink. All I had to do was 'know I was about to'. So anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes before drinking I was already having many bodily reactions... most of which are not 'lady like'.
Then.... The Drink - the flush of my face - and some minutes of 'high' followed by demoralization and suffering - remorse - blank spot - rinse - repeat.
In my spiritual experience, I was removed from body, and stared into the oven glass as my body was sobbing on the floor next to my kitchen stove - yet my minds eye was looking back through the glass as if looking at my life through a bottle, and I was granted a moment of clarity which allowed me the grace to know what I am, was and will always be.
I fully expect to tell this story sober in 30 or 40 or 50 yrs. Maybe I will only get one more day to live? I plan to be sober for it. I also - like others here - fully expect, and have no fear of saying I will be sober for the rest of my life. I do not fear drinking again - and I am not just in it for today... though I do take my life one day and moment at a time.
Some one spoke of a pink cloud in early sobriety. I have found that this has grown deeper, wider, farther, more tangible and spiritual as I see the everlasting light in the spirit. Very little can disturb this - even the abuse of my daughter did not flounder my spirituality, in fact I knew all the more that my HP would see us all through this fine. I went through grieving processes and still do - but I accept them as natural human emotions that I'm grateful for as well = restored. I do not fear speaking about my faith and spirituality - or much of anything anymore. Sometimes I am curious if this is fleeting, arrogance or narcissistic - and when I pray for clarity I see that mostly the curiosity comes from the relative newness of this freedom from bondage of self. What others think about it through their own perception or fear is of little relevance to me. My confidence, worth and faith has been restored through a power greater than me, and I will carry this message with these qualities where ever, when ever God presents the opportunity - remembering always that I am seeking where I can be most useful to Him... that I do have a purpose and will find that place in His time.
Every answer I need is in the steps -
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Beautiful Tasha! Today I know, I didn't get a "pink cloud". What I got was God's GRACE showered all over me! Showing me, just giving me a taste of what life could be like every day for the rest of my life, if I stay on the firing line and do His bidding, let Him be my employer, my director.
Me and my HP are on a two seater bicycle. I peddle (do the foot work) and He steers, (gets me where I need to go). If I don't peddle, we don't go. He steers, He don't peddle. :)
