I recently ran into a old friend of mine, I see him time to time, hes a alcoholic in the AA program, I used to work with him, and he was alway very vocal about being in aa and that he can't touch the stuff.
A few years later I moved into a new place, and the liquore store I used to go to get my fix I'd see him from time to time, buying a very very small bottle of vodka, which when he saw me, he would tell me it was what he like to use as a mouth wash, which I sort of belived because it was no where near the amount that someone would need to get drunk.
Fast forward a few more years I ran into him last week in a local market, his eyes where blood shot red. He even seemed slightly intoxicated, he told me now he even drinks a little bit, but his eyes where red because he smoked some weed.
He goes hes retired now and wants to enjoy his life. I wanted to give him a reminder about his past but I didn't know where to start, plus I thought he was intoxicated so talking at that point would do much good.
What a good friend you are. I too was wondering about what to say to a neighbor a short while back. He definately has a drinking problem and I am a newly recovering alcoholic, so of course I thought I knew everything about recovery (big HA!). I asked an AA friend of mine and they told me not to say a word to him and that it was none of my business. This sounded a bit too harsh to me, until I remembered all of the many many times my mom and other relatives had approached me about my drinking. That made me think they were nosing around in my business, embarrassed me and made me want to drink more by calling my attention to something I already knew. Plus since he has been in AA before he has heard more horror stories than anybody outside of AA could tell him about the dangers of drinking. Hopefully he'll return if he is truly an alcoholic and has a desire to stop drinking--For Good!
He's lucky to have you as a good and caring friend.
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Saturday 18th of January 2014 03:09:13 PM
I'd simply ask if this is the way he wants to live the rest of his life? ... Remind him he doesn't have to unless this is what he chooses to do ... there IS a solution ... just try to keep the door open for you to help him should he ask for it, that's about all you can do ... that and share your experience of being and staying sober ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Oh, I'm sorry...I assumed you were a newcomer on this board. I probably didn't say anything you didn't know. Hopefully some board oldtimers will post something to help you.
I want to say something along the lines to remind him why he got into aa in the first place i'm just not sure if he will get pissed off, mind you I would rather have a pissed of enemy then me knowing my friend is dying and I did nothing to try to help him.
I'm assuming I will see him in a sober state soon and have a talk with him at that time.
It just sucks because he was a person I looked to, even though I never confessed to him about my alcohol issues, I just couldn't belive his strong will and not being embarassed to publically say he is alcoholic.
It says that if the prospect doesn't want our program, let him follow his conscience. But in anycase let him know that you wish to remain friendly. I would let him know that if he wants to stop and needs some help, I would do all I can to help him. If I knew him from AA in days past, I might tell him that he is missed and he would be welcome back anytime.
The start of my sobriety came from a phone call from an AA member the morning after my last drink. I didn't ask him to call, but I was blown away that he thought enough of me to call and offer help. He got me to a meeting that night and I haven't had a drink since.
Even if the guy has been drinking, while he may not be capable of a great conversation, he can still hear and will remember how he was treated and spoken to.
Be friendly, let him know you are available to help if needed, but don't push. We have a message to carry TO the alcoholic , but we can't furnish the motivation to want to stop. Don't abandon him.
the BB has some very good suggestions. one that seems to work pretty good and callin out BS is, say, someone says they are using vodka for mouthwash to say something like,"hows that workin for ya?"
or
"yer eyes may sparkle and yer teeth may glitter but ya cant bullshit an old bullshitter. ill be here if ya decide ya want to get honest and want help."
hopefully he wants help.
None of my business.....if others want to drink...
When I went back out?
I used to cringe..every time I saw an AA member...
One thing they did tho?
They spoiled my drinking days :)
aint that the truth.i was court ordered to AA but not ready. I wasn't as sick as some of them paperpushers showin up drunk. I waited til after the meeting to get drunk!!! but it sure wasn't fun. It set the thought in me that my problems really were me yet I tired to drink that thought away.
it didnt work. but when I was desperate enough and wanted help, I knew where to go.
