Emotions and Spiritual Development

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Emotions and Spiritual Development

2granddaughters · Senior Member

I found this series of videos the other day and emailed the link to my AA friends, many of whom have said how much they liked the videos.

There are 16 videos and each is about a coffee break time .... 10 -15 mins.

See if you can identify with what Mr Peck is talking about.

www.youtube.com/watch

All the best.

Bob R

Mike D · MIP Old Timer

Hi BTY! I must tell you how much I appreciate how you seem to easily express all your thoughts and feelings so very openly and share everything that's going on with you. That's exactly what I had to do from the very beginning of sobriety. I guess I just allowed myself to become open, and it certainly saved me many times over. In short, I simply stopped "protecting" myself and stopped worrying about what others thought of me. Having read your post several times, I hope you won't mind too much if I ask you where you are in working the Steps? What Step are you actually working on right now? Are you getting regular and frequent Step-work time with your sponsor? Are things going okay there? For myself, I can only tell you that all my breakthroughs only came to me from actively working the Steps. Regular prayer also changed things for me as well. Hope to hear more from you and I'll be thinking about you. Blessings always, Mike D.

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

I agree with MikeD. The solution to your problems is found as the result of the steps. It's easy to get the impression that AA is a self help program, that we must somehow fix ourselves. If this were possible, we would have done it.

The Big Book helps us set our priorities - "When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically."

It also tells us that we probably won't have much luck trying to fix ourselves. Self centredness is the root of the problem:

"Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help."

Then of course there is step 7. It doesn't say "we remove our short comings", instead we ask God to remove them.

So the solution seems to be to pursue a spiritual experience. This is what I did. it occurred to me, I don't know how, that the most important thing was for me to find a relationship with the God of my understanding. As I did that through the steps, the drink problem was removed, almost as a by product.

I do remember however, for the first few weeks, I had decided to turn over a new leaf. I knew I had frequently been wrong/done the wrong thing, so now I was going to do the right thing as I saw it. I soon discovered that even that was wrong. I had no real moral compass, I didn't really know what was right, and I wouldn't have known an honest emotion if i fell over it. So I turned to steps 10 and 11, asking for guidance and knowledge of His will, and, when I got it wrong, quickly applied step 10 to clean up the new mess. All the while cleaning up the past with steps 4-9.

Prayer was the start of change, and my sponsor's very good advice to look for the results of prayer. When I looked I began to see.

God bless
MikeH.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Thank you all for your replies. I always wonder after I post something personal about my feelings if I should have done that or not. Probably should have a therapist, but I had a couple of bad experiences with therapists in the past and don't trust them anymore. Also, when I text my sponsor about things bothering me, sometimes I don't receive a reply at all, makes me feel that my sponsor really doesn't have time or want to hear my woes. I still am not good about calling. Hate talking on the phone. So I pick on you guys :) Really has helped me posting and getting alot of this stuff out which I have kept bottled inside me for so long. I just hope I don't come across as some nagging old woman. I really am trying to change my thinking processes but it is really hard. That's why I am so much in hopes that by working the steps, alot of this crap won't be bothering me anymore. I really am not sure what step I am on. Missed a few meetings with my sponsor because of the holidays and then I got the flu and missed another. Started them back up and we are reading "We Agnostics" in the BB. I am not supposed to read ahead in it. I am eager to work Step 4. Dreading it a little, but eager to get it down and in anticipation that by doing so, things will be better for me. I do have a Higher Power, which is God, so that is not an issue with me. I do pray everyday, but I don't feel like I have had a "spiritual awakening" yet that some of you folks talk about and I have read about. Thanks again, and Mike D., thank you for making me feel better about my postings. Sometimes I feel like others get sick of seeing BTY so much on the board, but maybe that's my alcoholic mind doing too much "thinking" again.

2granddaughters · Senior Member

It takes us a while to get grounded and comfortable in our own skin.

There is a table at our home group where most of the good-oldtimers seem to gravitate to .. I find most of the "therapy" I need at that table if I can sit and listen.

All the best.

Bob R

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

The spiritual awakening/experience comes as the result of the steps. For me it began after step 5, just as described in the Big book page 75 - sneek a peek.

On step 4.... The book says "If you have decided you want what we have, then you are READY to take certain steps..." It goes through the ABC's (steps 1 and 2) which you have nailed, then says "being convinced (are you convinced about the ABCs?) we were at step three" Decision time. We decide to follow the path to our higher power laid out in the steps, and the very first thing we do "At once", so that our work around steps 1,2 and 3, will have a lasting effect, is step 4.

There is a rule I follow as a sponsor. Never get between my newcomer and their spiritual experience. When I was ready, as you appear to be, to tackle the 4th step, I went to my sponsor to ask his help with it, and we got it done within a few days. Taking the fourth step is the solid evidence that we have taken step 3. Taking step 4 was far from my will, it was the first time ever that I honestly tried to carry out God's will.

God bless,
MikeH

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

"I really am not sure what step I am on. Missed a few meetings with my sponsor because of the holidays and then I got the flu and missed another. "

Hi BTY52, please, please, do not let your one-on-one connection with your sponsor or your progress with working the steps start to fade. It's so easy to let these things slip because of simple things like a few scheduling problems or an illness. I've let it happen to myself before. When I hear someone say they are texting instead of calling and working with a sponsor one-on-one, and are not sure what step they are on, it gets my attention. We all want the very best for you and your recovery, and you deserve it. Pease don't take this as criticism. Your progress has been a real inspiration to me and I just want to see it continue and see you get the best sober life possible.

Mike D · MIP Old Timer

Hi BTY, I hope you know that we're always very glad to see your honest and candid postings, and that everyone here is always ready to be helpful. You seem to be pretty insightful and willing to look deeply within yourself, and that is going to be very valuable to you when you get ready to work Step Four -- which I hope will happen as soon as possible for you. That's where you will begin to see the breakthroughs you're looking for. I also hope that you fully understand that working the Steps is NOT a process where we undertake the monumental task of fixing ourselves. We are powerless to fix ourselves. But God can do what we cannot do. Actually, the 12 Steps is a process where we gradually open ourselves up to our loving God and allow Him to come inside us and fix us. God is the only one who has the power to heal us and renew us inside. As we work each Step, we're really giving Him access to our inner spirit and making ourselves vulnerable to His Grace.

Again, I hope Step Four will happen very soon for you because that's where the whole opening up process really begins. As you work through the Steps, you will very likely have moments where you will feel relief, or joy, or peace along the way. But you will not actually begin to experience a real spiritual awakening until you have nearly completed Step Nine. I hope you can really get moving in that direction pretty soon. Please keep us posted on how it's going. We're with you all the way. Blessings, Mike D.

Mike D · MIP Old Timer

By the way...I really agree with what Dave P. had to say! He's right. I hope you'll read his post again. Mike D.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Mike D....I just did read Dave P.'s post again and am grateful to all of you for helping me. I was wrong and stand corrected.....I have been thinking all along that I had to "fix myself". I have heard what you said in your above post but I don't think it really sank in until now because I still was thinking this way. It may take awhile for me to totally get it because I have blamed myself for my own faults and even apologized in situations where I was not to blame at all because I never liked confrontation (unless I was drunk sometimes) and I think by thinking I had to fix me as well as thinking I was responsible for fixing others, my thinking is warped somewhat.
Although I do believe in a Higher Power, who is God to me, I believe that I haven't the faith necessary at this point of my sobriety to have the total trust that is needed to think He is responsible for repairing me or maybe that He is much too busy. Even now, I apologize to God in my prayers for bothering Him because I felt guilty for praying over my "little" problems when there are starving children, soldiers and civilians dying in wars, homeless people, etc. I thought --and still do--think of myself as being selfish and self-absorbed in requesting to God that He help me.
I am eager to work the 4th step too, as well as the others. My sponsor has a very good track record with sobriety and came highly recommended. I look forward to seeing the breakthroughs you talked about above, Mike. I REALLY look forward to that. :)
I feel very grateful to you and the others for your time and help and I will keep you updated on my step work.
Hugs and Love...
BTY

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

betterthanyesterday52 wrote:
I have been thinking all along that I had to "fix myself". I have heard what you said in your above post but I don't think it really sank in until now because I still was thinking this way.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Ninth step promises. I don't think it would hurt to call your sponsor and tell her you need to move forward BTY....Or find one that will help you do that. Look at all the help you have here.....It's as simple as picking up a pen and paper....Reading the directions....And asking God to guide you. I asked a lot of oldtimers questions working that step....They were delighted to help...For the simple fact I was working on it.

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

Ok...those are the ones I want...those 9th Step promises. :) I'll ask my sponsor about working the 4th Step, stepchild. I'm scared to, but I'll ask. I feel like you all are my sponsors in a way--so much support on this board and I feel like although I have so much more to learn, I have learned a lot.

-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Tuesday 14th of January 2014 02:42:08 PM

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

(((Grace))) Love you

Mike D · MIP Old Timer

Hi again BTY, I'm glad you were able to respond so quickly. You said that you feel like you don't have a great amount of faith at this juncture...maybe only a little bit, right? Well, neither did I when I was new. That's perfectly normal for a person who is new to recovery. None of us has very much faith when we're just starting out. What you will experience is that your faith will grow bigger and stronger as you work each Step. That's just how it works. That's how it worked for me, anyway. Each Step opens us up to God a little more, and with each Step, we allow God to change us inside a little more. With each Step, we're saying "yes" to the Grace that God has always wanted to give us all our lives. That's my experience.

Over the years, I've also experienced that God is eager to answer our smallest prayers and help us with our smallest problems. I've found that no problem, or situation, is too small or too big for God. He wants us to ask Him for help. The more you ask Him for help, the more help He will give you. He doesn't want you to hesitate to ask Him. Why? It's simply because He loves us unconditionally. How can I say I know all of that? It's what I experienced when I first worked the Steps. That's why I keep working them.

The greatest music to God's ears is the sound of an unfamiliar voice.

Thanks for letting me share. Blessings, Mike D.

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

betterthanyesterday52 wrote:
Ok...those are the ones I want...those 9th Step promises. :)

-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Tuesday 14th of January 2014 02:42:08 PM

...... I hope I'm not spoiling a surprise, but there are a whole lot more promises in the literature in addition to the 9th steps promises that we often talk about, both in the Big Book and in the 12 and 12. You can often spot them appearing shortly after each section that discusses a particular step, describing what effect that step can have on us and our lives. You could make a game of trying to find them all, sort of a "Where's Waldo" of all the wonderful ways that you and your life will improve as your recovery progresses. You deserve it, go get 'em! smile

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

betterthanyesterday52 wrote:
Ok...those are the ones I want...those 9th Step promises. :) I'll ask my sponsor about working the 4th Step, stepchild. I'm scared to, but I'll ask. I feel like you all are my sponsors in a way--so much support on this board and I feel like although I have so much more to learn, I have learned a lot.

I was scared too....But I knew I needed to do it. If not I would have drank again and I don't think I would have lived through that. These steps are a pathway to getting your relationship with your Higher Power right....And if you don't have one....They are a way to find one.
As far as the support on this board goes.....If I would have known about it when I started my fourth step....I would have used it. Trust me. I had a million questions and no question is too dumb to ask. I think it's a tool you should take advantage of.

Butterfinger · Senior Member

I like you BTY.

As in "like" like you :)

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

I like you too butterfinger
You are the only person who can give me the finger and I won't get upset.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

LMFAO BTY ... ... ... thanks I needed that!!!

SolanoGypsy · Senior Member

davep12and12 wrote:
betterthanyesterday52 wrote:
Ok...those are the ones I want...those 9th Step promises. :)

-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Tuesday 14th of January 2014 02:42:08 PM

...... I hope I'm not spoiling a surprise, but there are a whole lot more promises in the literature in addition to the 9th steps promises that we often talk about, both in the Big Book and in the 12 and 12. You can often spot them appearing shortly after each section that discusses a particular step, describing what effect that step can have on us and our lives. You could make a game of trying to find them all, sort of a "Where's Waldo" of all the wonderful ways that you and your life will improve as your recovery progresses. You deserve it, go get 'em!

I love that you said this. One of my original sponsors said there were promises for every step. That sparked me to look for every one of them. Marked the heck out of my big book!

I love the way everyone is pulling together to help this woman out. Makes the responsibility statement come alive!

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

SolanoGypsy...you wrote.... "I love the way everyone is pulling together to help this woman out."

HA! Good luck with that one! I'm a mess!

But I am a very grateful mess for all of your help :)