i cant seem to stop drinking. i have been at this for almost 15 years. i stop for a while and then im worse when i start back up. im guessing some of you know about this so im asking for help. where do i start?
Yep, I tried to do it on my own for many years, and in the end I found I couldn't. I would kick it for a bit then it would always get bad again - it was a really unhappy cycle.
You don't have to talk in meetings, you can just listen if you want. There's also no requirement for belief in god, just the willingness to have faith in and believe in something greater than yourself. As for the steps, for me they offered the best shot at recovery. For the first couple of months though, I just went to meetings, listened, and met many good people in the program.
So James you can safely say that doing it your way doesn't work in the face of "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has throughly followed these steps". You're honest...It's not that you can't...It's that you won't change. Alcoholism does with wishes what fire does to marshmellows...melts them and turns them black. An alcoholic has three choices within this cunning, powerful and baffling disease; Sobriety, insanity and/or death. How close to death have you gotten...do you know? "I don't want to follow the steps and I "can't (won't) accept God" is pretty good evidence that you've progressed into the melt down don't you think? What have you tried to "stop drinking". Go to the AMA (American Medical Association) site and look up the definition of alcoholism before your next drink...learn why you can't seem to stop and what you're up against. If you've beein drinking for 15 years steady and haven't been able to stop you already have a Higher Power and just like myself it was in the bottle. I never had any power over what was in the bottle or even tried to and unmanageability for me early on was suicide ending my life rather than what I have done in and with the program..."ended how I was living my life". In order to have what we have; you have to do what we've done. Next time you reach the door of a face to face meeting ...look for a sponsor; someone who knows how this works and was afraid to try it at first then found the courage to stick with it on a daily basis; just daily. You're not going to beat this disease with the same brain you've been drinking with cause alcohol owns that one. Keep coming back to this board and see what happens. Let our most recent members talk with you. (((hugs)))
im sure god would send me to "melt" just for not giving into him. look, im just asking for advice. where can i start? im sure none of you did all of these steps in one day.
it sounds to me like your problem is based around the second step. "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity".
You seem to have step one down, you admit the booze has got you beat and you can't stop drinking. Probably you also know that you will never be able to use alcohol safely in the future either. So the question is then what method to use to stop.
You've come to an AA site and, having usually tried everything else first and failed, we've settled on a spiritual method of recovery. In other word, we came to believe that the spritual method, that has worked for millions, might work for us too.
For myself, I didn't always have any belief in a God of any description, but that wasn't the point. The point was that nothing else worked, yet here was this bunch of people who, through the steps and the God of their understanding, had found the power they needed to stay sober. They showed me how they did it, I followed their lead, and recovered.
It took me about three months to work the steps at sufficient depth to have a spiritual experience resulting in the removal of the obsession to drink, and it has never come back. But I started work on trying to live this new way of life, almost from day one, with willingness, openmindedness and honesty.
So the question is, can you recover on a non-spiritual basis, or has your disease progressed too far?
Welcome james...Like you...This AA stuff wasn't for me. I could do this on my own...Or find some other way to quit for good. I was wrong about that. I was wrong about a lot of things. Where did I start?...I started with the Big Book. It's directions for the 12 steps...Beautifully laid out....And it described me so well it could have been written about me. Alcohol was going to kill me james...It already took from me everything I had....Why shouldn't I try it?....I see it for working for others?....And they are happy??....Whenever I've quit on my own I've been a miserable unhappy SOB?....And I couldn't stay quit. Proof in the pudding was good enough for me.
Read the book if you are interested...Better yet study it. Here it is online...Or get one. It's as simple as this james and what they say is....Here is a book that shows exactly how we recovered...If this is something you want....Do exactly what we did. If you don't....Continue doing what you're doing. I couldn't afford to continue what I was doing....I was whipped....And I'd be dead now. Anything you don't understand....Ask questions here. I suggest you start with the Doctor's Opinion....That answered a lot of questions for me.
Hi James, welcome to this board! I think you're going to like it. I sure do. As for your recent posting, I think everyone (including myself) has to try to obtain sobriety without the help of God and without working the 12 Steps. We have to see for ourselves if we have any power of our own, and try to do this all by ourselves...without any help. That is perfectly normal and natural for any alcoholic. I was an alcoholic with a very rebellious nature long ago. I wouldn't listen to anyone, and I definitely wouldn't do what anyone told me to do. What happened to me was that all my own efforts failed miserably and my disease took me to the brink of death. Eventually, I got so darned desperate that I prayed to a God who I thought despised me. I believed that God hated me because of all the rotten things I'd done in my life. But, I got so scared that I prayed to this God anyway. When I prayed that prayer, I found out that I was completely wrong -- wrong about everything. But, most of all, I found out I was wrong....about God. When I reached out to Him in a small way, He reached out to me in a very big way. After that, I started working the Steps and real sobriety began. That's what I experienced in 1988, and I've been happily sober ever since.
Anyway...you'll have to try to do all this on your own and do it your way first. That's just the way we alcoholics are. Keep coming back to this forum and blessings to you, Mike D.
Hi James,
Good to have you here. Lots of great postings here from people who have been in the program and have shared what is working for them. They've been where you are, I've been where you are. There is hope.
((((James)))))
I read that book a few times over. (as with many) i dont think reading it is going to work anymore. as for what that phil guy said, hes right that i dont really want this program but detox isnt going to help me right now because im dry as a bone right now. but i know for a fact that its gonna come back and put me down again if i dont start changing my outlook on life SOON. i dont wanna talk alot of shit but i hate alot of things and im getting close to 32 now, im living in my car and work is scarce. im afraid ill start drinking on the street and thats game over for me. i know it. in all honesty, im afrid to go back to the meetings. i dont want to bring everyone down with my bull shit. i told them that i could do this on my own and after 8 months i hit the bottle. 3rd time i quit for a good while. im embaressed. but none of you can see me in here. thats why im asking you. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
I've read the BB before and the difference between then is now is that I was not receptive to anything in it other than I knew I was an alcoholic. The powerless state was still something I was in denial about because of my false pride telling me I could and should be able to control my drinking and to go to AA meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, etc. was something which, to me, showed a sign of weakness on my part. You're living in your car and it is hard for you to find work? That's awful. You think you might end up on the street drinking? That would be terrible. They sound like cries of help to me and they sound like they are coming from someone who has either hit bottom or sees the bottom coming. I worried about walking back into AA meetings after I had quit them before. I almost let that false pride get in my way of saving myself from myself. I can tell you, no one is going to think anything bad of you in those rooms. Everyone has been where you are. Maybe their circumstances were different in that maybe they never lived in their car, maybe they didn't have to worry about finding work, because they may have been able to hang onto their job. But everyone has their own crap that they are dealing with and their main concern is on themselves and their sobriety. Trust me on that one. If you really feel you are an alcoholic and you really want to help yourself you need to let all that stuff go that is preventing you from moving forward and seeking the help you need to get better and stay alive and not just be another statistic of how many people alcohol took out.
No one here or anywhere can "tell" you what to do. You really have to want to do this for yourself. You can take or leave anything shared to you on this board or in the rooms of AA. That is the beauty of this program. We each have the free will to make our own decisions. I am using my free will and making my own decision to stay sober and live and not let alcohol kill me.
in all honesty, im afrid to go back to the meetings. i dont want to bring everyone down with my bull shit. i told them that i could do this on my own and after 8 months i hit the bottle. 3rd time i quit for a good while. im embaressed. but none of you can see me in here. thats why im asking you. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
Here's what I'd do...Swallow my pride....Hit a meeting...Admit my way didn't work...Start taking suggestions and get busy. You'll probably do whatever you're ready for...When you're ready for it. Did you see the part in the book that says alcohol is the great persuader?...It got my full attention. Like you said....Can't see you here. I wish you well with whatever you do.
Wishing you the best james....I think my biggest hangup with AA was finally asking for help. I'd never done that. Once I got over that...I was amazed at how many people wanted to honestly help me. For nothing in return other than to see me get better. That blew me away....And still does.
Let us know how you're doing james....I think we all want the same for you here.
James welcome!!!
If your like me it's not the last drink that is the problem it's the first. If I take the first drink then I'm off and running I can't stop. There is no mental obsesion it just is. To get the next drink is like to take my next breath. I don't want to live the way I was and so I don't focus on drinking as much as I focus on not taking the first drink.
Meetings can be scarry but after the first few times they are something I look forward to. If you don't like a meeting or group of meetings depending on the size of your town you should be able to find diffrent groups until one hits home.
The big book and the Dr's Opinion are what sealed the deal for me. I had hope that life would get out of the dull gray with a few wild nights streaked in red to full color again.
This board also rocks. Questions and thoughts are welcome!!
I look forward to your post as it seems life changes much at first and every question/thought helps me in my own recovery.
Liz
__________________
We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
it seems that way now. ill come back tomorrow when i havent been drinking. sorry, but im really drunk right now. probly best if i dont speak. believe me id like to. im angry. dont need to bring you guys down with all that then. hail satan.
I don't think satan ever made me drink James....I drank because I was alcoholic. One of the interesting things I've learned working this program...Was there were so many causes and conditions for my problem. And alcohol was just a symptom of it. Pretty bizarre when you think about it. Get some sleep James.
It's not hopeless James. Please don't give up trying and do your best to stick with the program. It does work and we work it best when we are desperate for it. You actually sound close to being really ready and that is not a bad thing. You can do this.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Once the realization creeps into your consciousness that you're an alcoholic it's there for good. You can never un-realize it. You may stuff it away temporarily while you go back to the bottle but it will always be there waiting for the next alcohol induced bout of shame and misery so that it can bubble to thhe surface. You can spend decades fighting the realization and trying to disprove it like I did. Hopefully you won't die or wind up in the gutter or in jail during that time. Many do. Or you can accept the reality of your situation and do whatever it takes to overcome it now without years of unnecessary suffering. Please for the love of god...be smarter than me.
