This is one of the first things I remember hearing when I got into AA that "it is not all about me." (Well, after "One day at a time", and "Don't drink", of course). I have realized that this has been one of my biggest problems getting over myself. I catch myself several times a day making something about me, though, no matter how hard I think I am trying not to do so. I think it is so ingrained into me to have this type of behavior that it is not going to be as easy as I thought to change it. I have a confession to make....I was reading someone's profile on here the other day. I was curious either about what state this person lives in or maybe the length of their sobriety. I cannot remember now. I guess that is alright to do that otherwise it wouldn't be made public to members. Well, that is one thing. Then I saw their whiteboard, and read something and I thought, "that's about me." It wasn't anything offensive to me, just that I thought it was about me and thought people were sharing info with one another in relation to something I had posted on here a while back. I allowed it to take over me and affect my mood and I got depressed. Then it dawned on me that I didn't have all of the facts and really didn't know who it was about. Then I had to ask myself why I felt the need to read other posters' whiteboards? Am I THAT nosey? Was I so bored that day that I found that more interesting than perhaps reading the Big Book, praying to my HP, calling someone in AA (something I am still not good about), or even posting and trying to help a newcomer on here? Was I maybe looking for something to make a big deal over in my mind to confirm what those little voices are telling me about myself is true? I don't know why I did what I did, but I had to realize again, that it is not all about me.
I was reading the Big Book last night and studying the Third Step because I feel like I still have the "self-will run riot" part as well as others confused. I feel like I really need to do more praying to my HP and ask for his guidance to lead me through the days and do what He wants me to do. If I am following His direction in my life and not my own, maybe I will get the biggest problem in my life licked--which is me.
Oh, Zoomtopz....
You mean after I have this "spiritual awakening" thing which I have heard others talk about, I will still be this way? OMHP (oh my Higher Power!) and now I am depressed again. The above is only one small incident....I go through this kind of thing with the "Me, me, me"'s several times everyday. Very discouraging and at times I think I am so hopeless and even tell myself that I'm probably going to be a loser in this sobriety stuff and end up drinking anyway because of this kind of thing. The feelings of self-loathing and being unlovable and that no one can possibly care about me are so overwhelming at times. If I had an "off" switch to shut my mind off to these thoughts, which happen out of the blue sometimes, I would have used it long ago. It wasn't until I got into AA that I was aware of it. I am truly my own worst enemy.
At least if I can be like you and learn to laugh at myself, it'll be alright. :)
Blessings!
BTY....continue your meetings, readings, sponsor get-togethers, steps...oh continue the program and the "AAMs" will diminish... When you start doing service also it will be come about others. ((((hugs))))
Jerry, thank you and at first when I saw your "AAMs" I thought "what does that have to do about 'Me'? (Took me a bit to figure out that, but see what I mean??????)
P.S. doing right much service work, and that is what surprises me so much that I haven't gotton over this, err....AAMs more by now.
I'll pray harder, too.
I think this shows you're making great progress BTY ... none of us here are 'spiritual giants' ... we're not saints as ZZ eluded to ... and the thoughts that you described coming to you about thinking others are talking about you are simply the thoughts that the 'disease' wants you to have ... it's out there in the parking lot doing 'push-ups' while you're in the meetings ... never forget that ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It IS all about you BTY. Everywhere you go - there you are, and from that view - the entire universe is revolving around you. It's only natural... but it is fun to outgrow it. You're doing great.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I was doing this a lot this past year. It got bad. Today I was looking at this within myself. Thank you for posting your not alone and today I was have been thinking/working on it. The post for you have helped me.
My thoughts about my own issue with this were.....
1. I do it more when I've been isolating or spending too much time alone.
2. It falls under step 2 and step 3 for me, it's a bit of the insanity I would like a HP to restore to sanity.
3. It starts sometimes with a small grain of truth that blows up with my imagination.
4. 90% of the time that truth is only because I relate not because it is about me.
5. It's a way to run from people in AA before they get the chance to make it about me.
I think after I've done my 4th step this will change. Hang in there with me because I need others to relate too. Thank you again for the post. I'm glad I'm not alone!
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We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
Liz...it took me awhile to realize I am not alone in my "aloneness" and you posted a list of "ingredients" which for me turned out to be a recipe for disaster. You have a lot of insight and you are helping me with my sobriety.
Rick, went off my anti-depressants about two months ago. Not just because of the expense, but I felt like I could handle my depression without wanting to drink, and those things made me so tired all of the time. (Still stay tired, but not as bad). It has worked so far being off of them, but I wouldn't hesitate to start on them again if need be. Not sure if that is what you are on or not, and don't want to pry (as it is none of my business) but just sharing my own stuff. And laughter's good. I joke a lot on this board, and hope that all of you can pick up when I am and when I am not (like my last post above...."...then I am right! It is all about me...")....
(nah....joking again...it's still about me )
Thank you betterthanyesterday. You helped me too. I want it to be about me sometimes so I think someone cares. I care this is about you.
Love you girl we can do it together.
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We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
I think you hit the nail on the head, Liz....."so I think someone cares" (even if I think it is only myself sometimes, it's better than nobody) We sure can do this together, Liz. Please PM me anytime if you ever need to.
