Anyone else struggling over Christmas and New Year?

Jen81 · Member

Anyone else struggling over Christmas and New Year?

Lizmccal · Veteran Member

This time of year comes with expectations. Even if we ourselves don't have them others do. If you read the big book pg 60 states "Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show;".
Just because others are not alcoholics does not mean that they don't suffer from this as well. Alcoholic or not this time of year is hard on most people. Suicide rates and domestic violence triples in the US.
As an alcoholic my thinking has been along these lines. "Drinking is the difference between bad and disaster". If I drink a bad Holiday becomes a disastrous Holiday.
My family drinks and that's there problem. My drinking is my problem. I was home for a week and by the end got a bit crazy with the victim mindset again the they, them, there thoughts were getting bad. Not seeing my own I, me, my is horrible for me. Being powerless over alcohol and other people is bad enough adding a false victim powerless to my past leading up to my presant hurts really bad!
I think family and the holidays got me motivated to do step four. Resentments are bad feelings and I don't like bad feelings ruling me. It also allowed me to practice step two and three on a deeper level than ever before. Taking a breath and at times saying "f#%k-it God you do it was all I could do on Christmas.
I used the book as an excuse to hide and read the stories at the back again deeper on in step one than ever before I could even out do some bottoms. Not bad for 36 I thought. I see no problem with going to a meeting and using that as an excuse to get away. Whatever it takes but please be aware just because she's drinking doesn't mean you have to.
I hope you hang in there! Do what you have to do. Know your not alone were here. It will be over soon the holidays don't last forever.

Jen81 · Member

Thanks for your post. I know I have to stay strong despite my family stressing me out and constantly condemning me for my past mistakes. I haven't deliberately hurt anybody but I think indirectly I have caused a lot of pain. I am glad I have found these message boards to help me through. There is no better help than talking to other alcoholics, nobody else can truly understand what it is like.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Welcome Jen. I'm not sure where you are at in your journey. Have you been to meetings, gotten a sponsor, started working steps? Trying to be around my family and cut back with no real AA program was he'll for me. Also knowing I was an alcoholic yet still dabbling around with trying to drink at some times and on some nights but not others was futile and made getting sober seem much harder. When I really conceded I was an alcoholic and needed AA, it didn't matter so much what time of year it was and who in my family was drinking or not. My staying sober a day at a time through AA is what mattered. I hope you are delving into AA and taking suggestions.

Jerry F · MIP Old Timer

Aloha Jen...gracious you've come to the right place and that says something for your intention and resolve to get and stay sober. I had to make that one important change when I first got here also..."everything" and didn't have to do it overnight...baby steps without alcohol in between.

I learned a simple practice when I became aware that I was in deed alcoholic and needed to be sober or the chemical and the compulsion would claim me for good. One of the practices is saying "No thanks I've had enough" whenever alcohol was presented to me. The last time was a couple days before Christmas by a guest at the hotel at 8:30AM in the morning...."No thanks I've had enough" and his eyes widened. I didn't go into a meeting with him cause I didn't know if he was alcoholic and asking for help...he was just looking for someone to share his beer with.

Choices? Yeppers I get to choose joining in on the drinking or not...I get to practice what I've learned...I get to duplicate the simple program of recovery...I don't have to think it anymore...just do it. I know I ought not drink anymore just for today. "No thanks I've had enough helps me to do that". I know where the meetings are and my literaure is and my sponsor is...I duplicate...Keep it simple. I have not drank alcohol this morning. I can and I haven't. I went to a meeting and will be chairing another in 45 minutes down the street at a rehab...chances are very very good I won't drink in the next two hours...I've had enough. Thanks for your post. It makes the program real for me.

((((hugs)))) smile

betterthanyesterday52 · MIP Old Timer

I do find this time of year hard. It was difficult the first few days before Christmas, Christmas day--more difficult, and a couple of days afterwards --the pits as far as my mood goes. Today, the dark clouds have lifted somewhat and I am beginning to feel better. I wasn't with any of my family and still got down. Family and holidays are wonderful but not always a mixture of peace and bliss. I have read that this is a hard time of year for so many. Particularly if you have had something painful happen around this time of year. A lot of old memories can be brought up even when we don't realize it and if these memories involve past issues with family that we have to be around for the holidays it can be extremely difficult to be as festive as we would like to be.

I am sure it must be difficult for you trying not to drink and being surrounded by alcohol in your family's home. Hopefully, it will be a lot easier when you get back to your own home. But for now, I really admire you trying to stick to sobriety under the circumstances. I am not so sure I could do that even now and I have been sober for several months now.
I hope you continue to post here. This is a great board and has so many loving and supportive people.
((((Jen)))))

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome to MIP Jen, ... glad you found us ...

From your post, it sounds as though you're trying to not 'overdo' the drinking part ... I may be wrong here, but you said you had 'some' nights this week where you didn't drink ... are you trying to quit ??? ... do you feel you have a problem with alcohol, ... have you been to any AA meetings yet ??? ... you are correct that nobody understands us like another alcoholic ... so I think I see an admission that you are one of us ...

There's a whole lot more to your story I'm sure ... if you feel like sharing that with us, feel free to do so ... we don't bite, ... well usually we don't, LOL ... we are here to help each other to remain in recovery, to support each other through the hard times, and to teach others how we stay sober ... that's what we do ... again, glad you're here ...

Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy

Jen81 · Member

Thank you for all your responses. I am trying to quit and attending AA meetings which are really inspiring. I haven't got a sponsor and am a bit baffled about how to to get one. I am sure it would be a good idea.

I have had a few alcohol free days over Christmas as I was going to quit for New Year but my drinking was upsetting my family so I decided to quit earlier. Its quite an achievement because its the first few non drinking days for years. Now I just have to keep it up. I used to drink every day all day pretty much.

I suffered from depression and used the drink as a coping mechanism so giving up will be hard and I am still at the stage where I am deciding if I can drink socially or if I need to give up all together.

I think the idea of saying "I've had enough" is a good one if you are stuck in a situation where alcohol is unavoidable. I am just trying to keep myself out of those situations at the moment.

Thanks again, reading the messages is a real comfort to me.

Jen

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Hi Jen, ... the picture is a little clearer ... good for you to attend some AA meetings, this is the best beginning for recovery in my book ... I tried to quit on my own so many times and couldn't, not until I gave AA's program of recovery a fighting chance to help me ... when I did, I got and stayed sober ... that was about 6 years ago for me ...

You asked about 'sponsorship' ... here's a great guide to sponsorship and how to go about getting a sponsor ... hope it helps ...

http://www.aa.org/catalog.cfm?origpage=161&product=17

Jen81 · Member

Thanks for that Pappy, I think its going to take me a while to get my head around the programme but evidently it works so I am going to keep trying!

RubyTues · MIP Old Timer

Hi and welcome, Jen81. I hope you'll stick around on this board. I encourage you to check out a variety of AA meetings - some are a bit different than others.

I also wanted to say great share, Lizmccal! I've felt the weight of expectation this holiday season, too. At a meeting I attended on Friday a number of folks were talking about feeling 'emotionally hungover'. That was me, too.

Lizmccal · Veteran Member

How are you Jen?

Jen81 · Member

I am ok thanks, nearly had a relapse and hit the bottle today but my sister talked me out of it. I keep going up and down, one minute staying sober is easy and the next it feels impossible. Tomorrow is going to be tough.... New Years Eve!