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Post Info TOPIC: "What Other People Think About Me Is None of My Business"
betterthanyesterday52


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"What Other People Think About Me Is None of My Business"
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I love this quote. I never heard it until I started in AA. Now, if I can only remember it when I need to....

Being a people pleaser a lot of my life, it really bothers me when I am not liked by everybody and their dog, cat, mouse in the house, potted plant. I notice that if I am going through a down funk (well, most "funks" are "down", I guess) I am more sensitive, and ultra-sensitive than usual and really let things that others feel the need to tell me that others say about me or ones who say something mean and/or hurtful directly to me. It was just these kinds of things which led me to the closest bar, 7-11, liquor store. In order to maintain my sobriety, I have to try and face the fact that not everyone is going to like me and that is part of life. Although I would like to think I am different than others, I have caught myself saying that I like "everybody" in the past. That is simply not true. There are people that really annoy the poopy out of me. I just don't have the nerve and courage to confront people because I hate confrontations and "I want everyone to like me". But since in AA I have learned that it is best "not to take other people's inventory" maybe my lack of action isn't all bad.  I will try to make "What Other People Think About Me is None of My Business" quotation part of my daily routine to say over and over, in addition to the "One Day at a Time" as well as "God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" quotations which have brought peace and sobriety into my life.

 



-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Friday 27th of December 2013 12:16:19 PM

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pinkchip


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Slogans have to be applied at particular times. At the end of the day, yeah, my opinion of myself and my relationship with my HP is what matters. On the other hand, I kind of do care what my bosses think of me, what my partner thinks of me, what my parents think of me. I just don't let those things rule me like they used to. I do care to a degree how I am perceived in AA and people have come to me with feedback about my behaviors at times and, at those times, I had to be more like "Hrm. What is my part in this?"....That is only when it comes from someone that I care about and the feedback is given in a sincere and constructive way. At those times, I don't use "What others think of me is none of my business."

For you BTY, be open to feedback. You are doing awesome. Issues with others in AA and outside are not worth drinking over...Yes, you do need to find a sponsor you can trust. The flipside to that is to also not care so much what people think and to share what you need to get through your steps and to get better. I have heard the saying "You cannot save your ass and your face in AA at the same time." Again...just a slogan but, when it comes down to sharing and doing your own inventory so you can get well....screw what other's think. You are doing the steps for you...not your sponsor or other people in AA. We are all here for the same reason and whatever you have done in the past or problems you have....We all got issues right?

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betterthanyesterday52


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Thanks pinkchip...you sound like someone who really has it altogether and I appreciate your input.

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tomsteve


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one time my 1st sponsor said to me,"tom, yer on a dry drunk and if ya don't get back into living the program yer gonna drink." at the time, it was none of my business.
until about a month later and I was on the way for a 12 pack. thank God I wanted a shower before I went! the insanity of it appeared and how long I had been workin up to that thought, which started a few months prior.
so, I have to draw a line where what others think of me being my business. my sponsor and true friends in recovery? I should prolly listen to what they say.
not everyone is gonna like me and im not gonna like everyone. but wouldn't it be grand ot play God and have EVERYONE act as I think they should??
I KNOW ya'll would be happier than a pig in shit!

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betterthanyesterday52


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Maybe I haven't asked this enough but you are the first two I have heard that have brought up opposition to that quote....I have just heard it put like it is--no exceptions. But you both make sense and that is my natural way of thinking (to care what others think) before I got into AA.
Anyway......
"oink, oink"

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Jerry F


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BTY I love that slogan because it tempered my compulsion to react to everything even suspicions which had no place in reality.  When I got this slogan I was thinking that they were thinking and was usually wrong (in my thinking) so I'd blame and judge without merit...kinda schizho and fear based.  When I accepted that "...it was none of my business". I could let go of the fearful thoughts and carry on.  I still do this.  My head is like a tennament building where the residents yak 24/7, don't pay their rent and for whom I do not have names...lol.  When I practice the slogan my head gets much quieter and everyone is entitled to think what they want and I just don't go there.  I like the thread.   smile



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StPeteDean


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When you get all you want and you struggle for self,

and the world makes you king for a day,

then go to the mirror and look at yourself

and see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your mother, your father or wife

whose judgment upon you must pass,

but the man, whose verdict counts most in your life

is the one staring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please,

never mind all the rest.

For he's with you right to the end,

and you've passed your most difficult test

if the man in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world,

down the highway of years,

and take pats on the back as you pass.

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

if you've cheated the man in the glass.

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betterthanyesterday52


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Jerry...you sound like you had the same thinking I had/still have--think I know what others are thinking, usually wrong, etc. Those little voices just won't shut up and they have been chattering a mile a minute these last few days. Somebody looks in my direction--they must be thinking something bad about my clothes, hair, hose, etc. Somebody is talking to someone else and they happen to look in my direction, they must be talking about me and if they start laughing, God forbid, as they must be joking about me. It is how I have been all of my life and it has been very painful. Used to blame others and reality finally set in and I began to realize it wasn't everyone else, it was me. Hard lesson for someone who has played the victim for so long. So many amends, so little time.

StPeteDean....love that love that love that!

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justadrunk


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Agree agree agree again Grace - you are quick - you pick up on this easily - you say my words for me - you are listening to your heart xxxxxx


(((((Dean))))) LOVE! THAT!

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betterthanyesterday52


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jad, didn't figure out any of this on my own and thank you too, for all your help

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tomsteve


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betterthanyesterday52 wrote:

Maybe I haven't asked this enough but you are the first two I have heard that have brought up opposition to that quote....I have just heard it put like it is--no exceptions. But you both make sense and that is my natural way of thinking (to care what others think) before I got into AA.
Anyway......
"oink, oink"

 heres something im thinkin about this morning:

if what anyone says about me is none of my business, and I believe God speaks through people, would that include what God thinks of me?



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Pythonpappy


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You must consider the source here Tom ... a little 'common sense' goes a long way, LOL ...



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betterthanyesterday52


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Pappy do you mean by the source...."God", "people" or.....
"me" ????
still about me, me, me. , but I did think that.

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Pythonpappy


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Okay BTY, ... Tom said:

"if what anyone says about me is none of my business, and I believe God speaks through people, would that include what God thinks of me?"



I felt you must 'consider the source' as in people are different, some who are spiritually enlightened and some who are not ... obviously if I observed someone living their own lives in kaos and torment and struggling to make sense out of life itself, I wouldn't place much value on their opinions ... on the other hand, when I see someone who has 'it' together and is living in peace and serenity, then I place great value to anything they have to share ... whether or not it has anything to do with what they think of me or not ...

did that make any sense to anyone ? ... sometimes I confuse myself ... BTY has a way of doing that to me, LOL ... ... ...



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
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