I had some friends over the other night for dinner and we started talking about road rage. We each had a story to tell about how we had participated in an escalating episode of honking, cutting off, or giving the finger to another angry driver. Being generally centered in other areas of my life, I was a little disappointed in myself when I realized that I, too, can become a complete asshole in about 15 seconds.
When I entered the program, I was used to acting this way. In general, I had a low regard for other people's feeling, and one of the problems I had with the steps is I thought if I didn't become a saint I wouldn't get sober. I remember telling my sponsor this and him saying four words that I still repeat to this day: "It's progress, not perfection."
I've made A LOT of progress over the years, and I've come a long way from where I've been. For the most part I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'm truly grateful for what I have, and I sincerely try to add to people's lives. And yet every now and then, sometimes without me even being aware of it, something will provoke me into a state of fear and I'll resort - temporarily - to an old behavior. Thankfully I'm able to recover my serenity pretty quickly, and when I do I remind myself:
"It's progress not perfection, we are not saints."
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Copyright @ 2013 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'