Feel so silly posting this...however, hasn't stopped me before so here goes...
I was concerned about someone who hasn't attended meetings for several weeks. She really adds a lot to meetings with her shares and I just have missed her as well as have been concerned about how she is doing. So I talked with someone who has her number and she said she would call her. Well, the woman I talked to called me and my message box was full. I deleted them and called her back, apologizing in my message. (I saw that she had called in my "missed calls" and called her back within a few hours after she called.) Well, after waiting for a couple of days and not hearing from her, I called her. She was extremely rude to me but I did find out the woman I was concerned with is doing alright which is good. She abruptly told me she couldn't talk and hung up on me. That was about 30 minutes ago and I still cannot get the tone of her voice out of my head. I know about the "people, places and things" but I am afraid this incident will keep me from asking about anyone else in the meetings, for fear I will go through this again and get my feelings hurt. I know how I have always been with similar things like this in the past and I just shut down. For some reason, I am wanting to cry because now my mind is going into overload as to what happened since I last spoke to this woman and what did she hear about me or what did I do to deserve this treatment. (I guess this is what people refer to as "those stupid voices in my head" type of thing). Anything anyone can say to help me with this will be appreciated. Right now the way I feel, I want to avoid this woman in future meetings and I hate to be this way.
It is not always about you, the way people may treat you.
Reminds me of the story of the guy kicking the neighbors cat.
Guy gets up late, rushing to get ready. Hurries shaving and cuts his face. Takes a 3 minute shower, discovers some soap left on while jumping in to his clothes! Runs thru the kitchen and plows into his daughter eating cereal and gets fruit loops all over his pants. As he is running to the car, the neighbors cat is sleeping beside the door. He kicks the startled cat and zooms off to work.
The cat did nothing wrong, but it got the boot to the butt, kicked thru the air!
__________________
"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
LOL, sad story about the cat getting kicked, especially since I love cats and have felt closer to some animals than to humans at times (that is horrible admitting it about me, but true, sorry to say). But you did get me to laugh, when I thought I couldn't right now and proved your point, so I am grateful for it and thank you, sober strummer. Guess I'd like to think of myself as never talking to another AA'er like that, or anyone... (ha! other than bf's that po me and especially when I have been drunk)...and it is hard being on the receiving end of someone else's bad day. But I am also grateful that in the past, when this is all it would have taken to give me another reason to drink, I know that I don't have to drink over it, and that is good.
LOL, sad story about the cat getting kicked, especially since I love cats and have felt closer to some animals than to humans at times (that is horrible admitting it about me, but true, sorry to say). But you did get me to laugh, when I thought I couldn't right now and proved your point, so I am grateful for it and thank you, sober strummer. Guess I'd like to think of myself as never talking to another AA'er like that, or anyone... (ha! other than bf's that po me and especially when I have been drunk)...and it is hard being on the receiving end of someone else's bad day. But I am also grateful that in the past, when this is all it would have taken to give me another reason to drink, I know that I don't have to drink over it, and that is good.
Not to give you the big head....
but you are doing well, IMO. It is a tough thing recall rating our brain and our heart to normal living. You are really growing and doing so well. It is heart warming to see. I am glad you are here and sharing it with us.
Since you like stories...
My preacher friend asked me to come to the old folks home and play guitar and lead singing. Sounds ok too me like service work in general, not AA. My daughter is 5 and wants to go where daddy goes. So I take her and her best friend. The old folks love the two little girls and hug them a hundred times! The girls love them back and have a blast.
Your growth makes me feel a smile inside like those little girls brought out at the home. Thanks for sharing.
__________________
"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
The Book has a suggestion that I find works well - prayer. This is an important point you raise. When we start this journey, a spiritual experience is nine steps away, which takes time. During that time we have no effective mental defence against the first drink, our behaviour doesn't change much without help from the God of our understanding. We can be tripped up by events in our lives today, which we are not yet ready to just "take in out stride". It is vital to take some action on this, rather than let it fester and kill us, so we pray. It seems to work.
" Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one."
I always pick the wrong conclusion, too! And then I second guess that one. It is very brain draining, like you said Philipld. I used to think I was so not normal in my thinking, but after hearing a bunch of "me's" in the meetings and reading more "me's" on the board, I see I am more normal than I think....or are any of us normal??? From what I have learned, it sounds like we are not because we are all alcoholics and have that "alcoholic thinking".
Gosh, feel sorry for me, and feel sorry for all you guys, too.
I thought earlier that if I could just pray, I would feel better. So I said a short one to my HP and asked Him to "take these stupid thoughts out of my head" (that is what someone on this board said they do). Don't feel that much better....maybe I need to not be smoking when I pray??? Perhaps the smoke interferes with the transmission to Him?
Love the responses....and love "Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
I already had almost talked myself into not going to a meeting tonight....Isn't that the stupidest thing? Then, I read your responses and feel so much better. Now, I need to refocus here and realize that it isn't about me. I thought I had cleared up in this smoke-infested head of mine by now, and know that I have to be there for the newcomer. This picking apart every little thing and "making mountains out of mole hills" which I have always done is just horrible and will get in the way of helping others if I let it. I know what I have to do now and that is what I have done when I have gotton down over some little thing and not felt like going to a meeting....and that is to bake a cake for tonight's meeting. I'm off to do that now and the only problem I have right in the "now" is to decide which kind to bake. Or maybe I'll make some of those oatmeal and chocolate no-bake thingies which members seemed to enjoy before.
Thanks to you all for caring and sharing. Love you, guys!
I don't usually post but I thought I would today. So here's something to consider..........we have no control over anyone else, only ourselves. When we come across situations like you mention it's a good approach to not take things personally because we don't know what's going on inside of the other person. It's like when we get pulled over by police officer. They're not typically friendly at the best of times and it's not their job to be our buddy. However, I am always very polite with them because I don't know where he just came from (and for the obvious reason that it's never a good plan to annoy them and dig yourself a hole). While I'd like to think the officer having a good day they may have just come from a car accident and been witness to who-knows-what carnage or were perhaps involved in a particularly unsettling domestic disturbance....... Road rage on the road or highway is another good example. When I see someone throwing a fit and waving their fist at me (let it be known I am a perfect driver without fault) I often wonder to myself who is in the car with them even if they are alone. I could scream back and flip them the bird but if I found out afterwards they had just left the hospital and their spouse or children were seriously injured or terminally sick my perspective would completely change and I would feel compelled to help them. Isn't it funny how quickly our view can change for another person when the context changes?
A challenge for anyone dealing with an alcohol abuse issue is how easily negative emotions become a habitual thought pattern and become locked in a cycle. We often use these habits to validate our self-image and support our drinking problem. What's really interesting is how alcohol actually triggers an endorphin response and what is our bodies natural response to stress and fear? We naturally want to control our anxiety and fear, and unfortunately, we develop a habit of doing it by drinking. Oddly enough, success can generate as much anxiety and fear.
I suppose I kind of digressed a little on the topic. I guess my point is people are like icebergs.......we only see the tips while the real content exists below the surface.
Sober...that was such a sweet story you shared and thank you for that. GTT, it is amazing to me that when I think of a certain thing, I will come to this board or go to a meeting and hear same or similar thought from someone. I have noticed over the last few years that around this time of year the drivers seem to drive a lot crazier than usual. Not sure if it is preoccupation with getting everything done before Christmas, or more traffic causes this. Either drivers are going a lot slower, a lot faster and/or there are those that wait and sit at a corner/intersection for a while until we get right up on them and then they pull out in front of us. It is almost like they are trying to get in a wreak rather than avoid one. I have seen fists or fingers being waved or "displayed" at one another more this time of year than any other. Anyway, the person I was in the car with honked at a driver in front of us yesterday when they didn't go on green and just sat at the light. I was amazed the driver in front didn't flip us off, as that is what I expected to happen and was relieved that she wasn't upset and instead she drove on. Anyway, I connect everything, it seems, but after reading your post above, thought of that, and I realized too how quickly I had a negative emotion and tried to play mind reader about another driver's reaction to a honk. And I love it that you try to empathize with others who do act in a negative manner and think what they may be going through in their life.
(And wow, you are the only "perfect driver" I have ever met and it must make you feel great :) :)
I have no doubt about that at all, sober, and as I have posted several times on this board, I can't wait to do those steps. I have heard that they are scary. I feel it is my sponsor's job to let me know when I am ready to take them. I feel like I have been ready. We are reading the Big Book together and was told that I am on Step 3. We haven't been able to meet since all the holiday stuff so that has delayed my moving on to the next step. I would love to get rid of some of this carp in my head :)
I have no doubt about that at all, sober, and as I have posted several times on this board, I can't wait to do those steps. I have heard that they are scary. I feel it is my sponsor's job to let me know when I am ready to take them. I feel like I have been ready. We are reading the Big Book together and was told that I am on Step 3. We haven't been able to meet since all the holiday stuff so that has delayed my moving on to the next step. I would love to get rid of some of this carp in my head :)
I'm excited for you!
it is a big deal ! I see the freedom on the other side of it, for me and others in the past. It cereal ally great you are going forward. The disease is progressive, but to is the recovery. I'm happy for you. This is a great time for you. Keep on going forward! You are on the right path!
__________________
"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
My first thought when I read your original post is, ... well, ... have you ever heard of the phrase 'kill them with kindness' ??? ... they may of just had a bad day or were in some sort of pain they didn't wish to share with you, that's all ... ... ... being kind, in the circumstances, can dissolve all kinds of barriers ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My mom used to use that expression "kill them with kindness" Pappy. I have done that to people before because it takes more effort for me to avoid people than to be nice. However, sometimes my "nice" is simply a smile and a simple "Hi" rather than getting into a conversation with someone who I feel doesn't care for me....(and that may be all in my head, I know). I am trying to separate the person from his or her actions more than I have ever done. Great responses and thank you. I want more of what you guys have :)
