I need help determining whether or not I am a candidate for AA or belong in AA. Any help would be appreciated.
Basically, since I turned 21 I have been a regular drinker. I used to drink 1-2 beers a few nights per week. Then that progressed to pretty much every night. Now, I'm drinking 3 beers per night usually. I know that I use alcohol to calm my nervous system and to relax.
I have never had any alcohol-related problems and it does not seem to impact my life negatively aside from the fact that it bothers me that I feel the need to drink everyday. I also worry about how this will impact my kids as they get older and see me doing this. I also worry about it escalating. I sometimes feel guilty in the morning but my drinking is just one topic in a barrage of negative thoughts that plague me when I wake up in the morning.
I want to stop drinking completely because I am convinced that I can't drink in moderation. I don't even want to. Alcohol - aside from helping me cope with my negative moods, anxiety, and stress - does not make my life better in any way. I feel like if I could just break free from the habit and then not start again, I would be good. I enjoy exercise and try to take care of myself for the most part. So, I feel that I could feel better if I stop drinking. In fact, during periods when I have been able to abstain for a few days to a couple of weeks, I feel a lot better. But then, I always go back to it.
So, any help in how to understand this would be appreciated.
Hi MercuryMingo, and welcome. One of the 'traditions' in AA is this: "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". It's entirely up to you whether you want to use the term 'alcoholic' to describe your situation. Regardless of the word, based on what you describe about your drinking patterns, how it is affecting the way you feel, and the fact that you want to stop and have tried to stop on your own in the past without success, I think you would fit in just fine in AA and it could be exactly what you are looking for. I encourage you to look on line or in the phone book for AA meetings in your area and try it out. If there's anything we can do to help, just ask.
The Big Book of alcoholics defines alcoholism as this....
If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.
BB pg 44
I know for myself...I was qualified.
Here is the Big Book online...Read The Doctor's Opinion and the first three chapters....They cover alcoholism pretty well....I know I related to it.
Even if you don't stop keep posting and checking in and try some meetings. I wish I would have stopped at 21 but I couldn't be rigorously honest with myself. The people here will and do care. I think it's awesome you asked!
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We all drank and know how to do that. It's living sober that I am learning about.
Aloha Mingo...open AA meetings are free and you can just sit and listen to the others share. Of course you can take the 23 question qualifier and you can find that on line..."Am I an alcoholic"...Alcoholism is a disease so it's not about you being a bad person. There are so many avenues to take to find out if you are or are not. My journey included college and also that I had to look at the feedback from friends and family in a different way. With all support systems in place I stayed alcohol free for 9 years before getting into AA. Why did I get in then? The possibility and probability of a relapse woke me the hell up and I had already seen a number of people in AA with solid recovery go back out and die. Our disease is progressive and incurable. I am arresting it with total abstinence with the program. Bonus with being sober is that I have a life today which is better without the alcohol than when I was drinking. The suggestion of the hotline number from the white pages of your local telephone book is simple and best. Good luck and keep coming back here also.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 17th of December 2013 05:51:44 PM
I can't remember meeting anyone at an AA meeting or on an internet forum that didn't belong in the program.
All the best.
Bob R
Really? I've met hundreds, from lonely hearts to psych patients with nowhere else to go, not to mention a few hard drinkers. Occasionally I run across an alcoholic trying to get well. Perhaps, because many other illnesses and/or behaviours can seem like alcoholism, that is the reason the Big Book asks us to qualify the person we are working with as an alcoholic.
Our third tradition, like all the others has two froms, the condensed, to fit on the wall, and the full version. Both are included in the big book. The long version says our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism and does not permit exclusion on any grounds such as race, religion, sex, occupation etc, meaning anyone who suffers from alcoholism cannot be turned away.
As to whether AA is suitable for the OP, the big book draws a distinction with the statement " Whether you can recover on a NON SPIRITUAL basis depends upon the extent to which you have already lost the power to chose whether or not you will drink, or words to that effect. AA is a spiritual solution and is therefore best suited to someone who can't recover on a non spiritual basis..
God bless,
MikeH
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Wednesday 18th of December 2013 08:21:25 PM
Big Book page 44 - "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alocholic."
Just a little of my personal experience but I've never been to jail, had a DUI, or lost a job because of alcohol. YET. Don't use those conditions only on deciding if you're an alcoholic!
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Willingness without action is fantasy!
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. But don't say it mean.
Glad to have you here with us. Great question! One that we all ask ourselves at one time or another. I did for many years! Too many in fact. I can only share my experience with you. You experience sounds much like mine. Your bottom can be anytime you put the shovel down. Many of us, me included, keeping digging in hopes of finding a new level of controlling our Alcohol and managing our lives. You mentioned in your post the word "Progression". This is a progressive diesase. Keep in mind, this diesase goes beyond the use of Alcohol. It the thinking that goes on while we're not drinking. The thinking leads to feelings which lead us to a drink.
I think if you re-read your post and look at it honestly, you've answered your own question:
" I sometimes feel guilty in the morning but my drinking is just one topic in a barrage of negative thoughts that plague me when I wake up in the morning.
I want to stop drinking completely because I am convinced that I can't drink in moderation. I don't even want to. Alcohol - aside from helping me cope with my negative moods, anxiety, and stress - does not make my life better in any way. I feel like if I could just break free from the habit and then not start again, I would be good. I enjoy exercise and try to take care of myself for the most part. So, I feel that I could feel better if I stop drinking. In fact, during periods when I have been able to abstain for a few days to a couple of weeks, I feel a lot better. But then, I always go back to it. "
Please keep coming back and asking you're questions here. We're here to help!
Too many in fact. 
I can only share my experience with you. You experience sounds much like mine. Your bottom can be anytime you put the shovel down. Many of us, me included, keeping digging in hopes of finding a new level of controlling our Alcohol and managing our lives. You mentioned in your post the word "Progression". This is a progressive diesase. Keep in mind, this diesase goes beyond the use of Alcohol. It the thinking that goes on while we're not drinking. The thinking leads to feelings which lead us to a drink.