Have not posted in a while so I thought I would check in.
Things are going well......better than I deserve. Been attending meetings, will be seeing my children this weekend......all in all, life is pretty good.
On a sad note, I think that the wife and I will be parting ways. Maybe not for good (as she has indicated as such), but for right now. And for some reason, I am ok with it. Through my addiction, I really never got a whole lot of support from her which saddens me. She has had some real struggles over the last five years or so and I was right there by her side. Do I not deserve as much? Don't know. All I know is that for today I am sober and happy.
You have to have faith in God's plan for you....I'm glad to hear you are still sober....Never let go of that. I just broke up with a girl I really love...But when I looked at it honestly...It wasn't right between us. Not now anyway...I have to trust God's will for me....And I do.
Aloha ST and welcome back...congradulations of the steady program work...keep on keeping on cause recovery heals alot of damage. You might suggest Al-Anon to you spouse and after you do back away and respect her for her decisions, choices and consequences. Hope your expectations from her don't bloom into resentments. Acceptance sounds like its part of your tool box and that always calms the jitters for me. Keep trusting God, cleaning house and helping others.
I'm guessing in your step work you might discover some things that I discovered. I thought I was 'entitled' to things - and that all the efforts I put into other people 'should be' reciprocated. What I learned through step work was that bringing things from the past into the present was basically not a reflection of the HP I was getting to know. Each day is a fresh start. Living in this 24 hrs has more benefits than just making it through without a drink I found! The things I did and do for others feel best when there are no strings attached. That is love, and treating people in a loving way that makes me feel good about myself - allows me to love myself the way an all loving HP would want for me. This makes me most useful to Him - and is the goal of our entire program (the way I see it).
Likewise - when other people love you - it's easy to tell if it's healthy if you don't feel like you 'owe' them. I guess only you and HP can decide ultimately what is going to be best for you. We aren't marriage counselors here - but I have found many people who have had experiences similar to my relationship - who have guided me toward what a healthy relationship looks like for them - for free in the rooms :) The first of course was my sponsor - and when she didn't have experience with what I was dealing with - she led me to outside help or other couples in recovery. There are some very inspiring couples on this board too.
Then my sponsor would say "pray about it". Nothing else really worked unless that conscious contact was happening too.
There were people who stood next to me through all of it - I had to do some foot work like you are doing. Keep it up :)
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Truly the hardest part for me is wanting to fix it right now!! I don't want to be an alcoholic........but I am, and I have to accept that. My wife has been calling me every morning and we just talk. Talk about my continued progress, what the kids are up to, etc., etc., etc. She is still talking about going to some meetings.......we will see how that works. In my profession, I have to look ahead, look ahead to what the next deadline is and how it needs to be accomplished. This 'one day at a time' stuff has been really hard for me at times, but I do believe that through prayer and meditation, working the steps with my sponsor, things will get easier to focus just on today.......not worry about what I did yesterday, and not worry about tomorrow........just focus on today!!
Good to hear from you ST! Went through the same thing with my wife at the time. God will reveal more. Work The Program and let God work through you. More will be revealed. We trust infinite God over finite SELF.
