Since I live with another person in recovery (and hang around other people in recovery a lot ) it's easy to delve into judging how they are doing with their recovery. It helps me to remember they are where they need to be on the path to where HP needs to get them.
My husband has been in Alanon for about a yearish maybe longer. He's been going regularly (as have I along with AA) for a solid year. It helps us to not get into the very easy habit of being overly critical of one another on this path to recovery. We learn to detach and love people as they are. To be supportive (thanks Jerry) and to bring out the best in each other (thanks Pinky), and leave everything else in HP's hands. We have been in arguments that have been nothing but recovery slogans and sayings LOL.
We have been through food fights that started out from nothing more than the inability to accept each other! Pretty soon chicken and bologna are flying across the kitchen... at some point ONE of us will shut up and just chose being happy over being right, and the other one usually comes around eventually as leading by example truly is the only way to let God work through us. Let it begin with me is my favorite. These days of course, these little moments are nothing more than a few blinking eyes at each and we can see that we are BOTH working a program and making a more loving choice - and wouldn't ya know... it works. We move on. Work on our own program... and come together in a reflection of our separate HP's without grudges or holding onto anything from the past... even if the past was 10 minutes ago.
The really amazing thing about our marriage now is that we continue to show up - try as best we know how - ask for guidance from each other and many times outside guidance - but we never give up on ourselves and therefor we don't have to give up on each other because we loved ourselves enough to truly love each other. That is all HP ever wanted for us, and if we can be an example to one other couple out there who is struggling, I'll be the first one to tell you - it hasn't been easy, but it has been so worth it. xxoxoxoxo
-- Edited by justadrunk on Saturday 14th of December 2013 12:27:08 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
With all of the challenges you guys have on the plate right now, just making it is awesome.
Hang in there! You are living on grace :).
You are doing a great job and have a great attitude.
And that was me judging you! Ha! People only get offended when we judge them as bad. But I think we judge all the time as part of existence. Just my opinion. Why else do we have all these senses but to take in data and make judgements.
I judge this thread as very encouraging :)
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"I spent a lifetime in hell and it only took me twelve steps to get to heaven."
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you."
Hi Tasha...and everyone else who shares on this. My wife (of 30 yrs. this January) and I have been working our individual A.A. and AlAnon Programs for over 25 years, and both of those 12 Step Programs together have drawn us closer over the years of our marriage. The Key? I'm not sure there is one, except that we each work the Steps in our own lives...and only take our own inventories. We also paid attention to that old saying that goes, "The family that prays together stays together". We do pray with each other...and we pray for each other, and quite frankly, I've found it pretty darned hard to pray for somebody and get mad at them for anything. I don't know why, but you just start seeing the person differently....or, maybe I'm getting a small glimpse of her through God's eyes. Not exactly sure. Anyway, all I know is that love seems to grow out of it. I'm convinced that each one of the 12 Steps in our lives has created a better marriage for us than we ever dreamed of when we first got together. Blessings to all, Mike D.
Very inspiring Mike thanks. My husband just found a sponsor in AA this morning - someone from our group that is a double like me. I am just so happy for them and I had a beautiful conversation about recovery this afternoon with him. He really amazes me sometimes. He always tells me that he only knows what he knows because of me, but it's not true and he knows that too. I always tell him that I only know what I know because of someone else too (mostly people here on MIP wink wink). He does his part and tries to live it. What more can any of us really do? We can't do it for each other... so it's on him.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Love this thread because for me and my Al-Anon spouse it also is about "It works when you work it" and that means just about everything. I learned my present definition of love in the program from a member long ago who was sharing about loving her alcoholic husband. I didn't get her share cause I wasn't there yet and I didn't believe her because my definition of love wasn't love. Like I was use to doing when the meeting was over I followed this gal out to the parking lot when she was leaving and told her I wanted her definition of love and she obliged me like so many other members had when I reached out. "Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are" she said and left me standing there more complete. Her definition didn't include alcoholic or any other specific person just "every other human being" and it didn't even include the word love in the text...it said acceptance and with that I learned how to love my alcoholic/addict wife, my family, my friends, myself and everyone here at MIP even before I got here. Practice, Practice, Practice...just for me.
Thanks Tasha, ... love this thread and the replies are great too ... my wife and I celebrated 40 years this past Summer ... life with one person is never easy to start with, we do change ... add alcohol and it's damn near impossible to stay together ... we were at the end of our rope, but God, AA, and the fellowship changed all that ... you are all in my prayers daily ...
Love you guys and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
) it's easy to delve into judging how they are doing with their recovery. It helps me to remember they are where they need to be on the path to where HP needs to get them.