Having been raised in an alcoholic home, boundaries were something I didn't learn much about. My mother, an untreated Al Anon, scurried about trying to make everything OK, and I learned that the best way to avoid trouble and get my limited needs met, was by stuffing my feelings, letting everyone else have their way, and by never saying no.
 
As I grew older, these very adaptive living and defense strategies became character defects that caused me to be insincere in relationships, continually unhappy, and ultimately unable to form meaningful bonds with other people. Without healthy boundaries, I couldn't stand up for myself and make my true needs known. I had a lot of resentments!
 
When I entered Al Anon, boundaries, self-care, and responsibility for my own happiness were new concepts to me. One of the most helpful was learning that my needs and well being were not only my responsibility and right, but that I didn't have to justify or defend them to anybody. I learned that if something wasn't right for me, I could simply say no - I didn't need to argue, convince or explain why. Today, no is a complete sentence.